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SunshineAmanda · Sep 11, 2011, 06:47 AM

I have been dating my boyfriend or about two months now. We just recently became Facebook friends (as in the last week). He never changed his relationship status on FB so then I never changed mine. He talks to his ex girlfriend a lot more then he talks to me. He texts her in front of me but I think he think I am stupid because he says oh I'm talking to a friend although he can be completely engrossed in that conversation. For example, the other night I was sitting on his bed in tank top with boy shorts and he blatantly ignored me to talk to her. It really hurt. Also, when we are in public he may hold my hand but if any of his friends or past acquaintances come up he immediately stops holding my hand, stands about a foot away from me, and then doesn't introduce me. I often wonder if anyone knows we are dating or if in fact he is still with his ex and he is just using me since she does live nearly 6 hours away. On top of it all, I was in a few abusive relationship; he knows that I have been cheated on several times and that I am still fairly insecure about most everything. What am I doing wrong here? How can I fix this?

landomando · Sep 11, 2011, 03:13 PM

My girlfriend was cheated on by her last Bf. She asked me if she could talk to him and I said no. You have to do the same tell him not to talk to her if he rather talk to his ex then talk to you then you should break up with him. You want to be the girl in his eyes. NOT SOME OTHER GIRL. You are just setting yourself up for something bad to happen if this continues. He still has feelings for her.. if he texts her when you are on his bed... Ya then something is wrong with this picture seriously.. You are probably afraid of being alone like most girls it seems like. That's why you are in these relationships.When you least expect it you will find your guy. Don't look to be in a relationship. Don't look for a guy. When you least expect it you will find him.

Cat1864 · Sep 11, 2011, 06:09 PM

How long did you know him before you started dating? When does he say he broke up with his ex?

I think you deal with the insecurity by facing it head-on.

Find a time when you can sit down and talk with few if any distractions. Let him know that though the relationship is very new, you are already seeing a pattern of behavior that worries you. Be honest with him about wondering if he really was available when you got involved with each other. Explain why you have these thoughts. Listen to what he says. Let the discussion help you decide what you should do.

I don't recommend giving him an ultimatum to change his behavior. It could backfire and cause him to become sneaky when contacting his 'ex'. It would also mean that he isn't showing you affection because he wants to but because he is trying to keep what he has.

Give him a chance to work with you to make changes and improve the relationship.

If he isn't willing to communicate or come up with compromises, then I think you should walk away before you allow the uncertainty to become anger or affect how you feel about yourself.

If it turns out his 'ex' doesn't' know she is an 'ex', I would walk away. It would mean that he isn't handling his business very well if he doesn't have clear cut endings and beginnings to his relationships. It's one thing to stay friends with an ex and another to allow that friendship to affect your current relationship.

SunshineAmanda · Sep 14, 2011, 09:09 PM

Since this post I confronted him about the situation with his. He told me she was seeing someone. So I asked if she knew I was dating him? To which he replied "She knows I am seeing someone and she is seeing someone too." Well I always thought that you were "seeing someone" before you started dating them. So I further inquired by saying "Well what would you say if someone walked up and asked what we were?" He said a couple. That further confused me. I got so frustrated with him that I dropped the conversation.

He asked me to be exclusive and he wanted to put labels on the relationship. Not me. So why aren't is actions following his words?

I wish · Sep 15, 2011, 08:45 AM

Sounds like he's not as committed to this relationship as you are. At this point, I would recommend that you express your expectations of this relationship to him to see how far off you are from each other.

If you can't get on the same page, then maybe it's better to go your separate ways instead of dragging this out.

talaniman · Sep 17, 2011, 05:57 PM

I think this is more a lack of communications and you both are on different pages. Its rather early to be tripping on a strangers habits when you don't know what they mean, but its obvious you two have different ideas about what's going on right now.

Keep talking until neither is confused about what's on the others mind. You want to handle your insecurities? Don't be frustrated, ask questions. Get clarity.