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cambo5437 · Jul 31, 2011, 07:08 AM

Hey guys, I started going out with my ex feb 2007... we broke up in dec 2009 because I kissed another girl and felt so guilty I told her (biggest mistake of my life). She told me she didn't want to break up but thought it was best to have a break for a while. Meanwhile we still talked most days but then we drifted further and further apart as the days went by. Months later she dates another guy and on Facebook it said she was in a relationship with him. She didn't give me the respect by telling me herself and that's how I found out. I called her and asked her and she told me. So I thought I would do the right thing and back off and let her live her life. But by then I was distraught and heartbroken.

So made very little contact with her and wanted to move on. I started seeing girls here and there but nobody even compared. Every time I would talk to her she would always remind me that she still loves me... months down the track she then broke up with her boyfriend because he was being unfaithful to her. We then caught up and started talking again for about 4 months (not rushing into anything). At the end of last year after weeks of spending time together, there was talk about us getting back together. She then met a guy over new years whilst I was in another state on a holiday.

She then made it clear to me that she couldn't be in a relationship at the time because she has trust issues. And its now August and she is still seeing this other guy. But the thing is she told me she has never been to his house, never been introduced to his parents, he hasn't wanted to make them official. And it upsets me a lot that she would settle for this guy. And here I am, willing to give her the world and true happiness. But I just cannot work her out. Its been a very long and bumpy road. I believe in fate and if its meant to be it will be but we've been broken up for 20 months and we still have that connection and that love we had since the beginning and still talk to her most days.. 3 months ago I had friends over for my birthday and I find her in my bathroom with her best friend crying. She told me the next day it was because she missed me, my friends and isn't sure what to do with us.

Last night I went to a friends birthday and she was also there. We were dancing, laughing and just having fun. And she called me tonight and one of the things she said was "i agree with everybody who tells me to get back together with u, if we were to get back together we would be amazingly happy, u treat me like no other guy and i love u with all my heart. but only time will tell and im not ready for a commitment". After hearing that I felt like screaming. We are still really close after everything we have been through.. n I'm so deeply in love with her and time has told me that she's the one...

So I'm here, pleading for some advice or some guidance as to what I should do. Thank you! :)

ken007nielsen · Jul 31, 2011, 10:02 AM

Mate, to start this off. Your horrible delusional about other girls not as good a the female you want to be with.

The reason you think she is so great is that you have never been able to heal from your relationship because your always in contact with her, thus your feelings still remain strong for her. Also, ever heard the expression you always want what you can't have? This applies here also.

Your not going to be able to find another girl and see her for what she is because you still have affection for you ex, your always going to compare the new girl and unless the new girl is complety perfect or an spitting imaage of your ex. They arnt ever going to have a chance unless you give yourself a chance to heal from this break-up as you should have done so long ago!

Whatever her reasons is, she is using you. She obviously know you want her, she may want you to - but it's not going to happen, she has time and time again shown you that a relationship between is out of the question. But she is keeping you around with the promises of maybe in time we can be in a relationship!

So my advice is, cut all contact with her. Remove anything you have that reminds you of her.
ONLY then can you start healing.

talaniman · Jul 31, 2011, 04:42 PM

Are you crazy or something? After being lead on for 20 months, you see a chance and she still isn't ready for you??

You are so stuck, but you better let it go, and disappear from her life. Yes that means NO CONTACT whatsoever at all, Nada, Nothing. Hopefully, you will see in a few MONTHS (or years) what a good decision that was.

cambo5437 · Jul 31, 2011, 07:08 PM

Thanks for your advice mate, I've tried to cut all contact with her but its very hard... especially when we both go out to the same sort of pubs and nightclubs. But yeah we are still really close friends so how do I do it without rudely deleting her out of my life? Because I just want to be happy

amicon · Aug 1, 2011, 02:14 AM

You bite the bullet and tell her.

She's playing you and you're letting her.

Don't.

Time to tell her it's no contact from now on-so obviously no friendship either-you need to move on and so long as you speak to her you'll drag that process out.

cambo5437 · Aug 1, 2011, 08:32 PM

Thanks mate, it will be hard but I came here for advice so ill do just that! Thanks everyone I appreciate it

amicon · Aug 1, 2011, 10:39 PM

Good choice-go for it.

Best of luck and stay strong.

vanheart · Aug 2, 2011, 07:03 PM

The way to do it is not be her friend. Or anything else.

You may want her, but she doesn't. And has proven it time and again.
She doesn't know what she wants. And don't listen to hearsay. Remove yourself from all of that BS.

Not everyone should be together & there are other opportunities for you. Lord knows she's looking.

You will have relief once you allow yourself to stop being hung up on her.

How many slaps will it take? Don't be that guy that waits around for a lost cause. Puppy dog.

NC, baby...