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7433stargirl · Jul 29, 2011, 11:41 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for 5year now and in September we'll both be going to different universities. I'm worried that this might cause a drift in our relationship. As we grow as adults I'm worried maybe just maybe he might go off with someone else. The reason for my worry is purely that he may be tempted to go off with someone else as we've never had other relationships. He's my first boyfriend and I'm his first girlfriend. My fear is that a girls who his family would approve of may come his way and with one drunken mistake I might be out of the picture.
He may realize that he wants to try being with different girls or just having sex with another person as it's something he hasn't experienced -----also scared that I may no longer be the person that he wants to be with ( he's never said so but I'm scared of change). Cause uni is full of (some) young people that go off with each other for the sake of it or people having drunken one night stands. His family does not approve of me Because of my race. So I already know that no matter what I do or say, I still won't be good enough to them because of my race. I used to think that our future together may be difficult because of this but I realized this wasn't an issue because he's willing (has done) to stand up to his family (they're chinese) if they say bad things about me.

I'm just scared of the change the combination of uni and work might bring to the relationship.
I do absolutely adore him and our relationship and I'm proud of us because we've lasted so long. And he's been such a wonderful and supportive boyfriend. It's just that I worry that if I'm out of sight I'll be out of his mind.
I'm hoping that if there is a change, it would be a good one where it will become apparent to both of us that we want each other for good and I really want this experience to solidify us more as a couple. Which is what I have a suspicion will happen but I'm just nervous about it all.

I think I've used the word worry too many times to tell me that perhaps it's just insecurity of change and no concrete reason for me to worry!! I just used it again..

Is anyone here still with their first love and if so any advice for a stronger relationship is welcome.

talaniman · Jul 29, 2011, 04:16 PM

You have certainly taken everything that could go wrong to worry about, but life is a risk you have to wait and see what happens.

Think positive, hope for the best, but be prepared for ANYTHING. Didn't exactly calm your fears though did I?

Whatever change life throws at us is usually for the best in the long run, so get your education is the priority.

mj808 · Jul 30, 2011, 07:54 AM

Tal said it best.

It sounds like you have a good guy on your hands so try a little faith. Luckily there are things like skype, Facebook, and etc that will help keep you connected.

University/ College is time where people get tested, change, and learn more about who they truly are. You will too. And its nothing but a good thing. Embrace this time, and be prepared for a different world. If you are meant to be together you will end up together. If not, try not to become bitter. Keep your heart open because sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Wondergirl · Jul 30, 2011, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by 7433stargirl

just maybe he might go off with someone else.

Or just maybe YOU might go off with someone else.

with one drunken mistake I might be out of the picture.

Or with one drunken mistake (on your part), he might be out of the picture.

He may realize that he wants to try being with different girls or just having sex with another person as it's something he hasn't experienced

And you won't?

I may no longer be the person that he wants to be with

Or you may change and decide you no longer want to be with HIM.

You have four exciting years ahead of you. Enjoy them but don't neglect your studies!

7433stargirl · Jul 30, 2011, 04:06 PM

Well I don't know what the future holds but as for the possibility of me getting drunk &having a 1 night stand is close to none unless I'm drugged or physically forced to. I've never drunk alcohol due to a medical reason.
But your answer has made me view the situation from another angle.

Thanks so much for the advise. Much appriciated.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 30, 2011, 04:22 PM

First is he a drunk, does he drink a lot, has his behavior in the past lead you to believe this could be an issue ?

But really the biggest worry is first that you both will grow, age, mature and change in college. Your political, religious or life goals may all change. Even going to college in the same town , people do change.

And yes, how often can you see each other ?

Things can happen, yes it is hard, and the odds are not in your favor, but all you can do is try.