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    haranda's Avatar
    haranda Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #1

    Jul 25, 2011, 01:09 PM
    What does it mean when she says. "Im not ready to be in a relationship right now"?
    Me and my ex were dating on and off for two years, back in December I broke it and we stopped talking for 3 months (longest time we've ever gone without communicating). During those months I went out and had fun but I still missed her. Eventually it led me back to her because I had time to think and to confirm that I really did want to be with her. Long story short I was mean to her, but this last time I came back as a changed person and she even told me so, how nice I was now and she liked it. Now she did kiss another dude 2 months ago and I wanted to leave her but I couldn't, I took her back. Two weeks ago she tell me that she is not happy anymore, she still wants me in her life as a friend, and tells me that she is not ready for a relationship right now. We still hang out and she says stuff to me leading that we still have a future, like when we get married or when you decide to marry me... I asked her the other day about our status but she told me the same answer that she's not ready. What do I do? I mean I love her with all my heart...
    southamerica's Avatar
    southamerica Posts: 667, Reputation: 400
    Senior Member
    		  
    #2

    Jul 25, 2011, 01:20 PM

    She's softening the blow, but all the signs point to the same thing: she's over it and it's time for you to get over it too.

    Why people who are done with a relationship still say things about the future is beyond me, but they all seem to. Maybe they think it helps the person they're dumping, but clearly that isn't the kindest thing to say in the long run.

    You need to go No Contact (NC). Any and all contact with her at this point will only hurt and confuse you more. Going NC will allow you to gain perspective and self-respect. It will allow you to heal.

    Something I realized after hearing many "I'm not ready for a relationship right now"s and also saying it many times myself is this:

    "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" actually means "I'm don't want a relationship WITH YOU right now. Or ever."

    It's more of a blow to the ego to think of it the latter way, but it'll help you to realize what you need to do and walk away.

    Good luck to you.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Jul 25, 2011, 05:27 PM

    You will be in the friend zone until she find something better to do.

    When you get dumped, don't be friends hoping she changes her mind. Get your own life without her and do your own thing. Disappear into the sunset, and keep your dignity, and self respect.
    Jennymparker's Avatar
    Jennymparker Posts: 9, Reputation: 3
    New Member
    		  
    #4

    Aug 4, 2011, 07:47 PM
    Friend Zone is very hard to recover from. Once you are there, it's hard to escape it, in other words, she has lost attraction, the spark, so to speak. If you really love her, and you want things to work out. You Should put the past behind you and move forward with your life. It sounds counter productive but it works. She will start to wonder what you been up too. Which creates mystery and the spark of interest. Furthermore, date other women as well or at least have a lot of female friends around you. This way it will show her you are in-demand.

    Best of luck,

    -Jenny
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