[VictoriaMisfits]

Ok so there's this guy, about a little over than a month ago everyone told me he liked me. His friends which are my friends as well told me that he rarely liked anybody and that was very shy and wouldn't really make a move. I liked him too, we started hanging out and he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Our friends told me that he really liked me and would do anything for me. Everyone knows that he and this girl had a really emotional and bad relationship before and he ended it. I ignored that. We went to prom together and he acted like a perfect boyfriend. He wouldn't want me pay for things, he would tell me I was pretty, he would text me when we couldn't hang out, he would ask me what I wanted and would want to please me, he even walked me home which was about a two hour walk that and he had to walk back.

Before winter break he told me that he had to leave out of the state to be with his family, that he would miss me but we would hang out much more when he came back. He left but we were still talking, he always sent me text's that were nice and sweet and we would talk all day, until about two days ago. His text started seeming short and bland and uncaring, so I knew something was wrong. Yesterday he asked me if he could call cause he wanted to talk about "us". I think we all know what that means so he called and he said "I think we need to end this, because I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I'm really sorry, I didn't want to do this over the phone but I've been thinking about it these last few days and I'm not ready for a relationship."

I asked if it was something I did and he said no that it was just him. He said "I still really want to be friends though, and we can hang out and do all things we planned still. I'm sorry." So I told him it was OK because throughout the entire conversation he kept hesitating. I told him not to beat himself up over it that it was OK. Then we started talking how we would normally would, making fun of each other and playing around like always, when we hung up he even started texting me again. He told me he was sleepy so I told him he could go sleep if he wanted but he said that he wanted to fall asleep talking to me.

So now I'm really confused about all of this, was he really not ready or did he just not want a relationship with me. I actually like him a lot now and I'm going to miss him, but I don't know if I did something wrong or if he's being honest. Please help (: Tell me opinion or thought you have on this.
Sorry for it being long

[Wisehelpneeded]

HHHHMMMM It's a tough one... And I don't know if I should really say this but if it helps I will...
It sounds like he could still be a bit confused over he's ex. Ive been in the situation with men many times so I could be biased, but every story Ive heard like this ALWAYS concerns an ex!
And it always seems like he shyed away when he went away. Which makes me think he had too much time to think on he's hands.
My advice would be.. if you like him and want a passionate/emotional relationship then I would STOP acting normal with him. Whilst you are doing this he will probably never work out how he feels. Its only if he looses you that he will decide he wants to be with you.
I do hope it all works out for you :)

[answerme_tender]

I wouldn't let him play a game with your feelings just because he is confused. If he wants a relationship he needs to stop playing games. If he doesn't know what he wants, then its up do you NOT to let anyone assume you are going to just stand still with your life and wait patiently for them to make up their minds. Let him know that you like him, but your not going to sit around waiting for him!!

[talaniman]

Everyone knows that he and this girl had a really emotional and bad relationship before and he ended it. I ignored that

I think that he moved back to a safe distance so he would get hurt, or hurt you. I think he has a lot of healing to do, and good friends is better than having a relationship. Just a guess, but maybe he isn't ready, and recognized it. Don't know for sure, but how old are you guys?

Sometimes young people move very fast, before they even think on it. Maybe he had a chance to think while he was away. Maybe, that's what you need, time away from him to think about this whole thing yourself. Tell him so, so you don't have to be confused.

[Homegirl 50]

He may not be over his ex. He needs to step away and so do you. Yo both need time away from each other.
No contact would be the best thing for you both.

[Jake2008]

I agree with answerme_tender on this one. He wants his cake and eat it too so to speak. He wants the benefits of a relationship, without being in one.

If he was, or is, still going through the emotional aftermath of his last girlfriend, that does not mean that he can keep you hangin'. It also doesn't mean that he can switch off boyfriend/girlfriend and change the relationship when or because, he is uncomfortable being committed.

He knew what he was doing when the last relationship ended, and he knew what he was doing when he ased you to be his girlfriend. He also knows what he's doing when he now says he essentially wants a friendship, but not a boyfriend girlfriend.

I'd not encourage him whatsoever. Tell him you respect his decision to no longer be in a relationship with you, but you don't want to resume being 'just friends', because it is too uncomfortable for you. I would also keep it friendly, and because you have mutual friends, I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid him, but I would make it clear that a mutual, exclusive friendship, isn't going to happen.

[Cat1864]

Victoria, how old are both of you?

I have read your post several times and I keep getting the feeling that something isn't adding up. If it is, then it adds up to a relationship that was going at break-neck speed.

All this has occurred over slightly more than a month. That is from the time that friends told you he like you, you talking to him, the hanging out turning into 'be my girlfriend', going to prom, the beginning of Winter break, the 'break up', etc. until yesterday.

I think he is wise to slow the relationship down and back up a little bit. I don't see how anyone could keep up the pace you describe without having a melt down. (Walking two hours to take you home and then two hours back to where he was supposed to be?) It seems to me that stepping back and creating a strong friendship where you do things for each other instead of him doing everything for you would be a very good idea.

It feels good to have someone offer you the moon and stars, but a relationship works much better when you build the rocket ship together.

[VictoriaMisfits]

What you say is extremely true and helpful, I can even admit things were going way too fast. But I only said what he gave me, I also offered him the moon and the stars. Thank you, but do you think I should get over him in that case

[TeensHH]

Very easy: he`s not interested

[VictoriaMisfits]

So this guy asked me to go out with him and we did for about a month, until he broke up with me. His reason was that he wasn't "ready for a relationship". After the breakup things got a little bit awkward, we would only talk a little. Then about after a month we were texting and he asked if I could hang out really quick after school and get some food, that he would pay. I was like OK. So we hung out, and he gave me ride back home along with his brother, but while we were in the car I don't remember how it got brought up but he started describing me how I was in every emotion and he would be exactly right! He also said how he remembered the first conversation we had with a friend of ours and what it was about, and what our first slurpee's flavor was. When we were hanging out he would also mention small little stuff I told him when we were going out. Is it normal for him to remember this stuff? Or why is he even bringing it up?

[talaniman]

He obviously paid attention very closely, and he may feel better with being a friend, rather than a boyfriend, I don't know. How old are you? Maybe you should just ask him, as a friend, what's up?