Check out some similar questions!

nikriter · Jul 21, 2011, 01:36 PM

My ex-boyfriend and I have remained very close since breaking up. So close in fact that we still go away on weekend trips together and sleep in the same bed (but nothing physical happens between us). Sometimes we even fall asleep holding hands the same way that we did when we were a couple. We still hug and he's always rubbing my back or touching me in some way. It's very confusing but I put up with it because I keep hoping he'll change his mind and we'll get back together but it's been a year and a half since we broke up and we're still not back together. Now he's taken another woman on a 3 week holiday with him. He's not interested in her other than as a friend and they are not sharing the same bed however I'm really jealous. I know I have no right to be because we're no longer a couple but it hurts. I know I'm crazy to even be in this predictament but no matter how hard I've tried I just can't seem to walk away from him (and I have tried on several occasions). Any suggestions other than telling me I'm nuts (which I already know).

hidden123 · Jul 21, 2011, 02:05 PM

What were your reasons for the break up? Did you discuss your feelings with him in the past year and a half, since the break up?

nikriter · Jul 21, 2011, 02:22 PM

He ended our 4 year relationship by email telling me that he "felt a complete lack of chemistry". I have tried to discuss our relationship with him several times since then and all I ever get in response is "I don't know what to say". Not helpful, I know. I'm an attractive woman and I keep myself in good shape so the fact that he can lie in bed with me and not even want to have anything physical with me is very painful. He seems to want every other aspect of our relationship to remain the same except for that and he has made no effort whatsoever to meet anyone else since the break up.

JohnDaman407 · Jul 21, 2011, 10:51 PM

He is taking another woman on a 3 week vacation means that he no longer cares about how you feel! The best thing for you its to let go even though its so hard... And I can't believe that you believe that their not sharing the same bed! C'mon now!

hidden123 · Jul 22, 2011, 06:30 AM

You need to go no contact and gain some perspective..

In my opinion, the reason he doesn't have sex with you is because with sex you open a whole new can of worms. Without having sex with you - he enjoys every benefit and comfort of your past relationship - without any commitment. And - by not having sex - he feels justified to do that.

Good luck..

kcomissiong · Jul 22, 2011, 06:40 AM

I actually think you need to stop contact with him here. You are still way too emotionally invested in him for there to be a friendship. As long as those feelings are there, is it easy to turn the most platonic of actions into false hope. In a situation like this one where you are still physically very close, it is almost impossible to separate the friendship from your feelings. (And this a quite an unusual friendship) It sounds like you both have fallen back into the comfort zone of your relationship without a commitment, and this will lead to a lot of hurt because he feels free to move on while you are still waiting. If he is truly a friend, he will understand why you need to take some time and heal from your relationship and deal with your feelings before you can be friends.

mj808 · Jul 22, 2011, 07:12 AM

Its going to be hard but you need to no contact on this guy for your own good. You will gain some clarity about yourself and this "interesting" relationship. Don't be afraid to move forward.

nikriter · Jul 22, 2011, 07:22 AM

She is 5'0 and weighs 300 lbs (at least) and is so homely she could frighten rats so no I don't believe he's having sex with her.

nikriter · Jul 22, 2011, 07:24 AM

Sleeping in the same bed is a platonic action? So we're not the only ex's/friends who sleep together in the same bed? I thought that was strange but apparently everyone does it and it's just a "most" platonic action. Good to know. Is my face red.

nikriter · Jul 22, 2011, 07:28 AM

Thank you everyone for your comments. Now I know that the fact that he and I still share the same bed is not strange because it's a normal platonic action and I'm reading too much into it. That helps me to realize that it's not because he's still attracted to me and wants to be close. While I don't think he, or most men, would sleep with the friend he has gone away with, who is short, fat, and ugly it still means that he disrespects me and our relationship. I will be walking away with my head held high and without looking back. He's a loser and I deserve better.

kcomissiong · Jul 22, 2011, 07:33 AM

I actually do think the bed sharing is a bit odd. If you couldn't comfortably explain it to a significant other, then its probably not something you want to be doing with a friend (that is generally a decent litmus test)

talaniman · Jul 22, 2011, 12:27 PM

Glad you are going to walk away with you head held high. Go no contact from here on in and don't be fooled by false hope. Time to end this chapter of your life and move to the next one.

And if I was having sex, I sure wouldn't tell my ex, no matter what she looked like. Naïve to think because you look better he wouldn't screw her. Very naïve, but none of your business. Let it go.

vanheart · Jul 22, 2011, 06:37 PM

Cut the cord.

And don't share beds with exs. Or anything else.

That's why they call them exs. Plus he broke up w/you, whatever his reasons.

Sounds like you never got the message. Stop hanging on.

"He ended our 4 year relationship by email telling me that he "felt a complete lack of chemistry".

Nice one. Sounds like my ex, over the phone... After 5 years.
Hehehe.

Go NC. Right now, for good.

Save yourself the grief.