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warsteiner30 · Jul 6, 2011, 07:06 AM

Ok, so I (im 22) met this girl (shes 20) through my brother's girlfriend when she came to visit from Cali. I live in Texas. She got insanely drunk the first night and we ended up hanging out all night and talking and literally not going to sleep. We talked about eachothers pasts and pretty much everything. She told me the past people she had been with and I didn't ask how many because frankly I was scared of the answer. We spent 4 days together and on the 2nd night we had sex and I was comparing myself to her "hookups" the whole time so I wasn't all there. I have been with 2 girls my whole life (both virgins) and they were with me for over a year each. Well we visited each other here and there and we are officially dating and she even moved to Texas a couple of days ago and be with me. We say that we love each other and I know that deep down I mean it and I am totally in love with this girl. But, sometimes I make myself sick and feel like I'm going to throw up whenever I think about her past. I know its her past and its who I fell in love with but its still a lot for me to handle considering I've never had to deal with it before. She says that I'm her first boyfriend and the first person that she has had sex with that she has had feelings for. I hope what she tells me is the truth but I'm being insecure and because of her past I might have a hard time trusting completely. Any advice or insight would be appreciated on how to help myself relax and move on. Thank you.

HurtScorpio · Jul 6, 2011, 10:47 AM

I just recently went through a similar situation when finding my boyfriend's ex girlfriend's pics,etc. but what I learned is that she took a HUGE step by moving a very long distance to be with YOU and she did not know you then. Now that she does know you, she made a huge sacrifice. What she did in the past does not declare what she will do in the future and some people experiment to see who they are looking for. Others are more to themselves. Do not judge her or make her feel badly for what she did before she met you and do not discuss number of partners or past partners because that generally leads to arguments and hurt feelings. I understand how you feel as I felt that same way but had to realize that we are not able to go back and change anyone's past and trust her until she gives you a reason not to NOW -currently -not in the past.

hashma · Jul 6, 2011, 04:18 PM

You need to relax and see how things go,we don't trust anyone just like that,trust is earn.. so gave it some more time.

talaniman · Jul 6, 2011, 07:20 PM

Wow you to moved mighty fast my fellow Texan, and you have had a lot happen in such a short time. Tell me are you living together?

If not, that's good because you can step back and examine things better as obviously you both think lust is love, and without getting to know a person without the lust, you may not know how you really feel, so of course you don't know how she really feels about you either, no matter the words.

You haven't had time to build trust, and loyalty and all those good things yet so of course you are afraid of being hurt, dumped and left behind, like the other dudes in the past.

As to her past, you are just afraid, and intimidated and its YOUR own fear you are dealing with here, not her past. It's a new experience so enjoy it while it lasts, and take the time to find out about more than her past sex life. Replace your fear, with facts about the real person, and never ask her about the other guys and never judge.

Keep it real with no expectations of the future, so you can enjoy today because my experience is too much, too fast, crash and burn. Until the lust wears off and you see if its real, enjoy this learning experience, because you will not only learn about her, but yourself too, and how you handle yourself is what counts.

Said that so you know that things change when the lust fades in time, and it will still be about how you handle yourself. How you handle your own fears, as you have a lady that moves really fast, and that makes you afraid also. To relax, take control of YOURSELF, and don't be just lead willingly down an unknown path, as your fear is real, and maybe telling you to slow the freak down, and examine what's going on and take better control of this situation yourself.

So the real question is does she live with you?