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lkurcaba · Nov 14, 2010, 06:23 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and half. We have been living together for about a year. My boyfriend has made some big mistakes in our relationship... he cheated on me when we first started dating ( alcohol was involved). He also lied about talking to girls on the phone and on the internet.
Both of us have given up a lot to make this relationship work. I literally gave up every friend I had except for one, who lives over 500 miles away and I very rarely talk to. He gave up most friends, but still has his army reserve friends, who he sees at drill.
He goes away overnight for drill every so often. When he does he wants to drink and get drunk. I tried to compromise with him and ask him to have a few drinks, but not to get drunk. I don't want him to get drunk for two reasons. The first is the time he cheated on me he was drunk, and I don't want that happening again. The second, which is selfish I know, but I don't want him to get drunk without me while I am at home with nothing to do. It would be a little different if he would make an attempt to have fun with me also, but he never tries to have fun with me outside of our house. He thinks that since we live together we don't have to go on dates or be romantic. I have told him hundreds of times that I want him to treat me a little bit more like a girlfriend, but he never tried to be romantic or anything.
So about the drinking, I tried to compromise with him and say to have a few drinks with the guys, but to stop after a while. He didn't want to compromise and started yelling that I was controlling him.
Is it controlling to try to compromise with someone so that each person in the relationship can be okay?
Please help me and give me advice on how to talk to him!

Wondergirl · Nov 14, 2010, 06:25 PM

Why are you at home with nothing to do?

lkurcaba · Nov 14, 2010, 06:31 PM

I gave up all of my friends so I could be in a relationship with my boyfriend.. my friends weren't the best in the world. My options are to either stay home by myself or go to a bar by myself... which I am not comfortable with

Wondergirl · Nov 14, 2010, 06:42 PM

Those are your only two options -- to go to a bar or stay home??

There are so many other things you can do. Where do you live, generally speaking?

awayandalone · Nov 15, 2010, 01:38 AM

I literally gave up every friend I had

Big mistake right there. A relationship is about compromise, yes. But you should never give up your friends to be with one person, in my experience that always spells disaster. You need to be able to have separate lives apart from each other that will make it that much better when you are together. If you two are the only ones you see all the time two things can happen either you will get bored of each other or spend so much time together you get sick of one another and smother the other person.
I agree with wondergirl there are so many things you can get out and do, I strongly suggest getting some friends of your own, head out and enjoy yourself. You'll feel a whole lot better.
I am also sorry you were cheated on, regardless of alcohol being involved I feel no one deserves that, and commend you for being strong enough to forgive him.