[Jbuck51]

Hi, My girlfriend and I were together for 18 years. We both said we never wanted to be married, so we never did. The last year and a half had been strained. We weren't communicating, being very intimate, or really connecting very well. Five months ago, she sat me down, and said she felt like we had become roommates, and wanted space, and to separate.

I was in shock and didn't really say much, but moved out. When we talked a couple days later, I said I didn't want to break up, and she said she actually did, but was to afraid to say it at the time. So, I did all the cliché things, like texting, talking about getting back together whenever we saw each other for the first month. We had a huge fight the second month, and didn't speak. The third month, I said I still wanted to work on things, and at that point she was almost angry and telling me to move on and get over it.

So, we decided to sell our house, and I tried to move back in. She came home, and went crazy and left. I felt bad, so I moved out, and she moved back in. Then I found out she had started sleeping with someone and dating. So I started to move on, and started dating, and moved back in the house, which point she left. So, the last month or so, she's been coming over to the house. Once, when I came home from work, she was here, saying she only stopped by to get a few things, and all she got was two shirts, and a back up hard drive. Then, the following three Thursdays, she text me to let me know she was going to come by after work to do laundry. I had plans all three nights, so I wasn't there, but I know she looked in my nightstand.

Everyone seems to think she's having second thoughts, and coming around to feel out the situation, but she seemed so detached, I find it hard to believe. This past Thursday, I text her to let her know I didn't mind if she came by to do laundry, but I would be here, as I didn't have any plans. She said she wasn't planning on coming over, but would be by Saturday morning to weed the garden beds and paint something on the stairs.

We've both only really been in this relationship, since we were 18, so I don't really have a frame of reference, but everyone seems to think she's been coming by to do laundry to try and talk, and doesn't really know how to say it. I don't know, but I feel with all the work I put in to try and better myself, she really needs to come out and say she wants to talk.

[talaniman]

You sound like better room mates than in a relationship, but I think the house is all that connects you. I think seeing her so much is an easy mistake to make, and understandable you think there is a chance. I really don't. Its just a house that keeps you both around each other.

What does she say about getting rid of it, or buying each other out? Is it in both your names? Who pays the mortgage?

The way your doing it now, neither of you can make a clean break, and that's what's really needed. LOL, and you think she leaves things unsaid? She sure said enough to dump you!

Regardless, you couldn't talk before after 18 years together to resolve anything, and you sure ain't resolving things now. Sell the house.

[destinyvandyke]

No

[HurtScorpio]

I realize that you have been with this person 18 years and have no other frame of reference as I had been there myself -began a relationship at age 18 and divorced painfully at 32 but it should have ended long before then. What I can see from what you are telling us is that she still "cares" but she has already left the relationship. She does not want YOU to leave it. That is why she is leaving her items around, coming around, and having reasons to return. She is doing what they call "keeping you on a fish hook" and as soon as she sees the line is getting a bit long or you are drifting away she will reel you in again. This is mainly so she can go out and do whatever the hell she wants and find a new love but know you will still be there to fall back on "just in case" she doesn't. But, bet your bottom dollar when she does, she will be gone and you won't hear a word from her. She is playing a game to prevent herself from hurting and NO, she has no intention of getting back with you because if she did she would not be dating others -you don't do that when you are serious about someone especially in an 18 year relationship because that is too high of a risk. So, please stop letting her do this to you. You need to take a stand -no more . Make her get all of her stuff out. I don't know if you are considered common law marriage or what or if you can agree upon division of property. Are there kids involved. Luckily, I had no kids and we had a no fault divorce which was the cheapest way to go. Best way is to get her out and end all contact. I know it sounds harsh but speaking from experience any other way is dragging on heartache which could be healing time and then time to be with someone new. By the way also, she is not the only one you will ever love so do not let her pull that on you or other tricks of love -there is always someone. Best of luck and I have been there so I am sorry you have to be.