[VeritasVorago]

Hey, I'm a 19 year old university student who is very confused about what he wants and would like to hear some feedback so I can hopefully get some new opinions to help think out my new situation clearly.

With my current girlfriend our relationship has just passed over the one year mark; however, that whole year has basically been long distance. She used to live in the same city as me and not but 5 minutes away, and before we started dating we had been best friends for a couple years. She has since moved two states away and is outside of realistic driving distance so we have been able to see each other for a week or two at a time every 2-3 months. I thought I really loved this girl we were both passionate and intimate for a long time and the plan was that she was going to move back at the end of a year which was supposed to be a couple weeks ago. And so I stayed devoted cause I loved and cared about her and I have no doubt for her devotion to me but the year mark has come and she wasn't able to move down. So the new plan is that she is going to move in another half year and although I don't doubt her intentions, realistically I just don't see it happening. And although her intentions are good she as well as myself have been rather depressed because of the distance. Thus at the end of the year I wasn't mentally prepared for it and I felt like my mind has just given up on her being here.

So a couple days ago I go to a small party with my friends nothing crazy, just a small barbecue and I meet this girl. She seems really fun and active which I kind of admire and everybody keeps telling me she is really into me which is a bit of a problem cause I ended up really liking her. And although I don't see myself in a long term relationship with her as I do my girlfriend I don't even know if that is what I want right now anymore. So I am in a long distance relationship with a girl that I may or may not still love yet I am infatuated with a girl I just met, and I don't know if my infatuation is my own way of telling myself that I can't hold out anymore or is just the want for something closer or what? So Ive been trying to push it out of my mind but I have begun to think that I just need to confront it and so I came on here to get some advice so please help a confused man make the right decision.

[amicon]

If you don't think your LDR is going to work out,and they are usually hard,you should discuss this with your girlfriend.

Ending it sooner rather than later might be the best option.

At 19 you are young and should be dating and getting to know new people.

[BK201]

Be a good friend to the new girl, and I would suggest taking things slowly. You will not want to rush things up and miss out the fun life has to offer. Also, put a word that about this friend to you girlfriend, but please don't talk about her more and more to your girlfriend. LDR are indeed difficult to maintain, but there is a pleasure waiting. May be sooner or later she will be with you, never loose hope.

[I wish]

Having feelings for another girl while you're still in a relationship is an indication that you might be interested in something that you don't currently have. If it wasn't this barbacue girl, it could be another girl.

Now that you've noticed that you can be attracted to another girl, it's time to focus back on your current relationship and really define what the problem is.

The problem I see is that both of you are holding out for future happiness. Before you even worry about when she's moving back. Ask yourself, do you think that you would be happy together if you were living in the same city?

At first glance, you might think that you will be happy together, but think harder. Will you really be happy? Are you two really so compatible that it's worth the wait?

Because if you're not that compatible, then you're going to break up even if you live in the same city anyway.

Therefore, long distance or not, the first step is to figure out whether the two of you are actually compatible for a long term relationship personality wise.

[talaniman]

I urge you my young friend, to stay within the boundaries of good behavior, and be honest about handling your business with your girl friend first, before you give in to distance and frustration.

Its completely normal to be attracted to others, its human, and we humans have no control over the feelings we have. But we do have control over what we do about them.

For whatever reasons your girl changes the plan, you better find out why, so you have facts to make a good decision on whether you want to stay together. Fair warning though, leaving one relationship and rebounding right into another one is a disaster, as is ending a relationship because another presents itself.

Be smart, and have a proper healing for yourself, if you decide its better to break up, and just have fun being single and meeting others. Casually, no commitment of the heart until you have given yourself time between relationships, or that to will lead to disaster.

It starts by finding out where this present relationship is headed, and what you want to do about it. Everything else can wait until you know what you want to happen, and if it will happen. There is no hurry, even when you are frustrated for the time being. Just get FACTS, before you get carried away by FEELINGS.