When someone close to us dies, it is common to ask the question "Why?" If you find yourself dwelling on the 'Why?" it can drive you crazy. Let's imagine, just for a moment that your mother-in-law didn't die from heart failure. What else could she have died of? Do you suspect suicide, foul play or another medical issue? What purpose does it serve to know? Continue in your imagination game. Let's say that she committed suicide. Many people do after losing a loved one. Some make suicide pacts with their partner. If you learned that she had resorted to this, would it change anything for you?
You can go through each scenario of what MIGHT have been the cause of death and do the same exercise. You might be concerned if there was another health issue that you weren't aware of due to family history and such, but there are so few illnesses that might kill someone so suddenly without any symptoms.
As far as foul play, I am sure that if the police felt that there even a remote chance of it, they would have investigated further. Are you the only person they asked questions of?
I will now speak as a woman who lost a beloved husband to cancer shortly after our 10th anniversary (we had been together 16 years). As his primary caregiver and source of emotional support the illness itself was so draining upon me that when he died (5 months after diagnosis) I was so totally burnt out I don't know if I could have made it through another week without cracking. I was run down emotionally, physically, spiritually... in every way you can imagine. Then I had to deal with all the rest of it, of course, which is also very draining. I was very young and pretty healthy (at 48 years of age). However, within a month I ended up in hospital with heart issues. I had a build-up of fluid around my heart; indicative of congestive heart failure. I truly believe that I was dying of a broken heart. As I healed from the loss of the man I loved to the depths of my soul, my heart issues mysteriously cleared up. The family doctor and the heart specialist could offer no explanation, but I knew.
Now, put yourself in your mother-in-law's shoes. How long were her and your father-in-law together? Did your mother-in-law work, or was her life primarily wrapped up in her husband and children? How many true support systems did she have? Was his illness and subsequent death very sudden or very long and drawn out? All of these things (and more) have an effect on how you deal with the death of a life partner.
I guess what I'm saying is that maybe she just had no reason to live anymore. Maybe it truly was her time. Maybe she died of a broken heart. Stress is a terrible thing.
If you need closure, then you need closure. Everyone grieves differently and no-one should tell you how you should or shouldn't grieve. Perhaps your need for closure is your inability to express your grief. If you don't have anyone to talk to about this, then why not write all your thoughts on paper? I think free-writing would be the best solution for you. Just get yourself a little notebook and start writing every thought you have about the situation. Don't allow yourself to get caught up with shoulds and should nots... just write what you are thinking... and feeling. It might look something like this:
"I feel stupid writing this because I don't know why I am having such a hard time letting go. No, I have let go, but for some reason I need closure. I wonder why? Does it matter why? I know I hurt. I know I'm afraid I might have been wrong when I talked to the police. Maybe there was another reason. Oh, this is nuts! I hate that I think this way. I feel scared sometimes... "
You get the idea? It can be VERY healing and open yourself up to what you really need to let go of the issue(s) you are having. Remember, every loss you experience brings back a flood of emotions and thoughts about other losses you may have experienced throughout your life. These don't have to be deaths, but just loss in general. Perhaps there is some other loss that is unresolved in your past. Free-writing can help you with that. Plan on doing it the first time for one hour. By that I mean for you to consciously set aside an hour of privacy where you will not be interrupted, have a box of Kleenex and go to it. I think you will have found your closer by the time you finish. If not, you will have a better sense of what it is that is bothering you so much.
I hope this helps. I am pretty confident it will. :)
Hugs, Didi
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