Originally Posted by
niniback
Hi,
I recently found out that my partner cheated on me with his X of 5 years (they broke up about a year ago).
Still cheating, no matter who it was with.
Originally Posted by
niniback
We have been together for almost a year and WHAM the X is in the picture.
The reality is the ex never left the picture. She was just in the background and it sounds like you were used as emotional leverage or a way to distraught from the break up a year ago. Anyone that leaves a 5 year relationship then jumps into another one isn’t ready for a relationship. If they are then that should tell you what they think about the person they spent 5 years with and how they would treat you.
Originally Posted by
niniback
We never fought at all. I feel devasted and betrayed, but at the same time I felt sorry for him knowing that he just lost both his parents within a month period.
I’m going to play Dr. Phil here but maybe losing both his parents emotionally drove him back to someone he was safe with that being his ex. With his emotional state being so low, it would only be natural for him to seek some kind of stability and even though she’s an ex, she’s still a solid emotional foundation that he knows and understands.
Originally Posted by
niniback
It is hard to admit for anyone to say 'I messed up'. But he did and it eased alot of the pain that I was going through.
That’s cool that he could, and I actually give him credit for admitting his mistakes instead of hiding them or lying about them. But your with a guy that is not interested in you at the level you are him.
Originally Posted by
niniback
I asked him if we could start over and he said that he has alot of things to finish with the X. That left me hanging right there. All I want is closure and I dont want to start a new one without finishing up the old.
If after a year he still has thing to finish up with the ex then it’s over. That’s probably his nice way of letting you know that he’s going back to her but it’s over.
Originally Posted by
niniback
I called his house, phone number is changed I called his work, he would not pick up. Could this be the reason so he can think clearly?
Niniback, no offense but it’s not him that can’t think clearly. If he changed his number and didn’t tell you that tells me that your not letting on as much as you want us to believe. For somebody to go through the trouble of changing there number you had to be stalking or harassing them A LOT. It’s over, he’s cheated on you, admitted it, apologized, and asked you to leave him alone so he can work it out with his ex. When that wasn’t enough for you, you apparently kept bothering him to the point he had to change phone numbers.
Originally Posted by
niniback
Instead of him calling, the X got a hold of my number thru his redial option in his phone a while back. Calls me everyday telling me that they are going to work it out and that I was just a phase, and that I was not loved. I feel this X is obsessed with my partner and could not accept the breakup that happened a year ago and will not be satisfied until he break up ours which he succeeded I am sorry to say.
What exactly about this don’t you get? You’re the one obsessed. She wants you to leave her boyfriend alone. He’s cheated on you. He’s told you he’s going back to her. It’s over. Leave them be and figure out why your needing all this excess and self abusing drama in your life. Then correct it.
Originally Posted by
niniback
I dont know what to.
Quit contacting them.
Originally Posted by
niniback
I feel this relationship is hanging I think the word to use is Closure. Thats what I need is closure.
This phase of your life is closed. It’s over. It’s done. He was not as into you as you were him. He has a girlfriend of 5 years that he wants to keep going with. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad catch, it just means he has more time, love, energy, and emotion invested in her. It’s understandable and it’s time to end it.
Originally Posted by
niniback
I dont want to leave this door open where somewhere down the line the bad person is actually the person you are destined to be with.
?? How are you destined to be with this person?
Originally Posted by
niniback
I dont know if I should keep calling his work (works alone btw).
He doesn’t want to speak to you. Reread your own post. He changed his phone number to get away from you. His girlfriend has told you to leave them alone. He refuses to talk to you. What about that says, “Maybe I should keep calling?”
Originally Posted by
niniback
Or wait until he is ready to call me. I believe everyone falls down and deserves at least 1 more chance.
I agree to that everybody falls down. But it’s one thing to make a mistake or say something stupid in the course of the relationship. In fact that’s probably going to happen. But he left you to go back to his ex of 5 years. That’s where his heart is. Let it go. It’s over.
Originally Posted by
niniback
I feel so confused and hurt, I really could use an advice.
Thank you very much in advance,
Hurtfulthings
ps.
I asked myself 'why am I the one pursuing when I am the victim'? Maybe I dont want to lose a good thing.
I’m glad you wrote that last line. Keep asking yourself that. But he’s not a good thing. He’s a cheater and he’s somebody that should not have been dating anybody after 5 years. It’s not going to work out with him and the longer you obsess over him the more disservice you are doing to yourself. You should have moved on the instance he cheated. Then when he went back with his ex. Then when he quit talking to you. Then when he changed his phone number. Then when his girlfriend told you to stay away. It’s been over for awhile, accept it and know that somebody else is worth your time.