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compaq77 · Feb 17, 2011, 05:39 AM

I am deeply in love with a girl but she has a boyfriend.. we have been friends for more then 7 years and she knows I love her so much.. I have been praying for her everyday but nothing changed and I can't even forget her.. am just getting so mentally tortured because now she won't even answer my calls.. sometime I feels like committing suicide... I have never done anything bad or said anything bad to her but she is very unkind and rude towards me... recently I have even told her that I won't force her to love me but we can always remain as a good friend but she won't even answer my calls anymore.. I have been undergoin this pain for more then 2 years.. I tried to forget her many times but can't get over her.. how I wish to be with her through out my life.. I'll make her so happy and willing to wait for her no matter how long it takes..
What should I do now to win over her? Please give me some advice or help me to forget her...
Thanking you very much for reading my letter.. will be expecting to hear from you soon..

joypulv · Feb 17, 2011, 06:48 AM

I get chills whenever I read 'I won't force her to love me' and 'I'll make her so happy.'
It appears that you have a very deeply seated problem about relationships and how they work. No one on this planet gets to force love from anyone without violating all human rights. And no, you won't make her happy. You wish you could, but she has made it clear that you can't! You are stuck in a self-centered loop of thinking that YOU are the one defining all the parameters of a relationship. Without a total overhaul of your mindset, you are doomed to grief over her and all future attempts with anyone else.

Concentrate on who YOU are. Your skills, interests, philosophy of life. Present yourself to people who interest you, who you like. If they like you back, you are now friends, running on parallel tracks. If you develop stronger feelings, you still stay parallel but meet at the station (where did I get this analogy)? Somehow you have to see people as distinct from you, which you are not doing.

talaniman · Feb 17, 2011, 06:53 AM

Sorry guy, but there is nothing you can do to change her mind, and it really is best to just leave her alone, and give yourself some healing time. That's better than making her even angrier, and making a pest of yourself. I know its so tough when you have strong feelings for someone, and they want nothing to do with you, but the good news is that as you heal from her rejection, there will be others who you can share a good time with, and be happy. In time this will pass, so keep your head up.

How old are you?

compaq77 · Feb 17, 2011, 07:28 AM

Thanks a lot guys your concern.. am here just shearing with you my situation because I'm not able to help myself out.. I thought I'll find some peace interacting with you all.. well I am 28yrs nw.. Getting old hahaahhaha... jokes apart I really tried my best to forget her but I don't have the best solution to do it.. I always think that she'll come to me someday.. and I can't understand why I think like that...

talaniman · Feb 17, 2011, 08:45 AM

Read these stickies.

answerme_tender · Feb 17, 2011, 09:59 AM

Okay from your post it has been more then 2years since she started to get you to STOP dwelling on her!! She has even gone as far as being mean, and yet you as a 28yro man is just not getting it!!

Its time to be honest with yourself and admit you need to get some professional help to get over this. There is no shame in admitting this, in fact it shows that you realize there is a problem and that you need to fix it.

compaq77 · Feb 18, 2011, 01:06 AM

Actually I was an alcoholic and party lover.. but I have quit drinking and all to make myself a better person.. now I don't drink anymore and trying to get involve in more spiritual stuffs... am trying to get less aggressive and less tempered... I have also become more humbled in dealing with families and people around me.. am trying my best to do all the good things possible.. still no peace in me...

I don't hear from her personally but once her friend told me a little secret.. that if she was still a single then she would have considered me.. but since she is going around she can't do anything now.. actually she is a nice person you know... so I just wanted to wait for sumtim and its already 2years...

talaniman · Feb 18, 2011, 06:24 AM

Let it go fella, you should have been moving on with your life as part of improving yourself.

You don't waste your time waiting for someone to become available, do you? Does it make sense to be that stuck on someone who is not stuck on you, at all?

answerme_tender · Feb 18, 2011, 07:14 AM

I am glad to hear that you have quit drinking, good for you. Iam also sure that you are a kind,caring person. I wasn't suggesting that you get help because you aren't a good person, Iam suggesting you get counseling because you are.

You have started to improve you live and that there is a sign that you are growing in life, but you are still having a hard time moving on from this relationship. I think a lot of the reason is because you have had to deal with some major changes in your life. So you have put all those emotions of getting over the drinking,improving your choices, that you have built this past relationship up so much more then what it ever was in reality.

You have yourself convenced that you had more control over your life only when you were with her, that you only had real happiness when you were with her. But that is just you dwelling and building it up. Bottom line is you still need help to move past this. I hope you really take into consideration about getting that help, think of what you have already accomplished, why not try this, it certainly won't hurt!!

Take care

compaq77 · Feb 19, 2011, 01:04 AM

Yes exactly that's why am writing all my problems here so that I can get some counseling from experts and all..

joypulv · Feb 19, 2011, 02:41 AM

Congratulations on the changes you have made in your life.
Do you ever see people who have won an award or event or medal say they wish their deceased mother/father/spouse/coach/teacher could be there?
You can wish the same, secretly, with her. She can be your inspiration to a better life. Most of us go through our days saying, at times, 'If only he or she could see me now,' and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you (in your case) keep it to yourself. We use superheroes, music stars, athletes, actors, God and Buddha and Christ and Mohammed. Family who are alive and family who are gone, past loves and people from history. Do good for her, and eventually you will do good for yourself, and it won't be so painful.

This may help with the suicidal feelings, which I don't wish on anyone.
Good luck.

compaq77 · Feb 19, 2011, 08:26 AM

Thanks a lot joypulv.. am really feeling very good now because I can pour my heart here and there are people who are actually listening to me and encouraging me..