[jessabunny]

My brother and I were never really close. We always fighted... but I remember when we got along we would play odd games that he suggested. Like once it was rock, paper, scissors and if I lost I had to kiss him. I was about 8 at the time and the thought of kissing him disgusted me but I played... and lost, a lot. Another time I was rolling around on his bed and across him... and every time I rolled across him he would grab me and squeeze me. It might have been nothing.

When I got a little older we lived in a house and my brother and I had the two upstairs bedrooms and shared a bathroom... which had no door knob. I remember feeling like I was being watched all the time so I stuck toilet paper in the hole where the knob should have been. I saw him slip a mirror under the door and I flipped out!! He denied it, of course, when I mentioned it to my mother. But my friend came to stay the night one time and she said she saw him looking through the hole after she got out of the shower.

I remember lying in bed sleeping and being woken up by him touching me. I just laid there and pretended to be asleep. I couldn't move... I tried to hold my breath wishing he would leave. This happened a lot. He would pull the covers down and lift my shirt and start sucking on my nipples. I still just laid there. Then one time he jacked off on my chest and I finally got up the courage to ask him *** he was doing. He cried and apologized and tried to hug me. Went in his room and grabbed a trash bag and started throwing away beer cans saying he was drunk. A few weeks later he started doing it again.

I kept a knife under my pillow and told myself if he ever touched me again I would kill him. I never got up the courage to do so, but I did get the courage one day to tell him don't ever touch me again or I would kill him. He laughed... called me crazy... then called his friends over and they stood in my doorway laughing and making jokes. I grabbed the knife and started slicing my wrists. They freaked out... I think then they believed me. My mom came home and I hopped in her car and told her to drive. She... didn't believe me. In fact, she smacked me... said I was lying and then sent me to live with my father in a different state.

I began doing drugs... having multiple sex partners... drinking every night. Partying, failing in school. I finally dropped out. My life has never been the same. It never will be. I still wake up feeling like someone is trying to touch me... nightmares.

When I was 16 I came back to live with my mom and shortly after my brother moved back in. I kept my door locked and he popped it with a butter knife and tried to touched my butt before I rolled over and coughed. He left after that but I called the police the next day. A detective came over and I told him what he had done in the past and how he tried again the night before. My mom came home in the middle of me talking to him. After he left my mom begged me to tell him it was a dream because my brother would be labeled a "sexual predator" the rest of his life, not able to have a job or kids. So I did what my mother asked... and shortly after she kicked me out again.

Ok, whatever! I get married... then I get divorced 5 years later. Move back in with my mom... and yet again... shortly after my brother moves back in with me. I was 22 at this time. I woke up one morning with my tit out of my sports bra and my pants just below my panty line and him jacking off on the side of my bed. I was disgusted!! I called the police but since I didn't feel him actually touch me they couldn't prosecute him!! I told my mom... she did nothing.

I'm out of that situation but my brother still lives with her. He's been in and out of jail. No job. No remorse. How do I cope with this? How do I deal with the fact that he did this most of my life and I still have to live with it? He's probably laughing that he got away with it all this time. And if I do ever have to go back to my mom... he'll probably do it again... and I will be prepared. I will kill him. Make no mistake. I have a son now and I will protect the both of us even if it means killing someone to make them stop. I just don't know how to deal with the nightmares and memories... and the fact that I still have to look at him when I go to see my mother.

[mumblingskies]

I don't think you should stay silent. I don't think he deserves to get away...

[answerme_tender]

I happen to agree that you don't just let him get by with it. I would check with the police see if you can still file charges.

One more thing I would not go to visit your Mothe, I would advise that is she wants to see you or her grandchild she will have to meet you at neutral place away from your brother. I would also sit down and have a very calm straight to the point that she knew about this sexual abuse and did NOTHING to help you, including kicking his arse out!!

Tell her that you will NOT have your child around this sexual MONSTER and that you plan on NOT letting him get away with his abuse.

Take care

[Aprilshowers44]

Stay away from your mother, your brother, and that house. I was sexually molested for 11 years and coping is hard and an everyday reality. You probably suffer from PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I would look into therapy, some of it is at little or no cost depending on your income. Keep yourself and your son away from that house. Why see a mother who never believed or protected you? Your brother is sick - mentally and if he has access to your son or you he WILL do it again because nothing happens to him when he does. This is a toxic environment and you should look into getting some help, you have been through a lot. I know this may be off key but I was molested by 3 men for 11 years and am not currently on meds and am doing really well. It is God that got me through it all and he renews my strength everyday because I trust him. I graduated and now have a daughter and my life will never be 'perfect' but I have the strength to get through every new challenge each day brings. I will pray for you also.

[FreemanOleLady]

IWas Molested By My Uncle At The Age Of 12. Well I'm Now 17 & I'll Be Graduatting In Five Months. My Life Will Never Be The Same But With God On My Side I've Made It This Far & iThink Him For That! It All Started One Night iWas Staying At My Grandma's House, They Were Getting The Christmas Tree Out The Closet & iWas Laying On The Bed. He Leaned Over & Almost Fell, iJust Started Laughing Then He Said Shhhh Don't Say Nothing... iWas Just Like oOkay Looking Clueless. Did iForget To Mention iHad On A Skirt. Well He Came Back In The Room & Looked Under My Skirt Then Pulled Up My Shirt & Started Sucking On My Lower Back. I Was Young So iReally Didn't Know What Was Going On But iKnew It Was Right Especially From A Family Remember. IJust Begin To Cry And Then He Got Up Asking What's Wrong Like Everything Was Cool. He Said Lets Just Keep It Between Me & You, This Can Be Our Little Secret. ICried All Night, iCouldn't Even Sleep & to This Day When iStay At My Grandma House iCan't Sleep So iStay Little As Possible. He Tried To Play With My Private A Few Times But iAlways Kicked & Told Him To Stop. IDidn't Tell Because iKnew The Only Person That Was Going To Believe Me Except My Mama, iThink Imma Tell Her When iTurn 18! Now That I'm Older iUnderstand Everything That Went On & It Hurts Me To My Heart To Know That My Uncle Would Do Such A Thing To Me. We Don't Get Alone At All & He Always Try To Start Arguments With Me, Well We Know It's Because He Wants Me. It Kind Of Made It Hard For Me To Trust Guys Because iHad A Boyfriend Then & iWas Trying To Call Him & He Never Answered, iThen Thought iCouldn't Depend On Guys My Age When iNeeded Them The Most So iBegan To Date Older Guys. My Boyfriend Now Is 22 & I'm Very Happy With Him, He Understands Me & Is Very Supportive. He's Always There When iNeed Him, He Just Makes Me Stronger About The Situation!

[xanadu091]

He ruined your life, you deserve to ruin his.

I'm saying this as its very late in the game. You're not 16. You have a son now. Do the right thing. Set an example.