[Coojo]

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, I've engaged with him for 9 years, 2 years ago, we've decided to tie the knot, we have planned our wedding for over 18 months, I was so happy and so excited about the wedding, I was the happiest person I ever have.

2 months before our wedding, his grandmother had a stroke, she has been in the intensive care in the hospital for few weeks, she's got better eventually and she was transferred to the local nursing home, we thought she will be able to attend to our wedding. Few days before our wedding, her health gone down hill rapidly, she couldn't eat, drink, talk and she can't even open up her eyes, the whole family was very upset including myself. A day before our wedding, she had developed fluid in her organs, the Doctor gave her morphine to help her to relief pain. I was extremely upset the whole time, I couldn't eat well and I couldn't sleep, I was crying in bed and I was praying that I hope she'll be OK, I hope that nothing will happens on our special day... we've got married on the 9th of January 2010, 5 minutes after the wedding ceremony, we received a bad news about the passing of his grandmother, my heart was broken in pieces, I was in tears, I can't face the truth that why god had to take her away that day, I can't believe it happened to us, I couldn't feel the joy to celebrate our special day, I've tried so hard to hide my tears in front of the guests.

Today is our first year of anniversary, I'm feeling very depressed, I don't even want to celebrate our anniversary at all... it reminds me the pain on our special day. All my bad memories flashed back in my mind at the moment, every time when I look forward to do something special, something bad will happen, like 3 months before our wedding, the day I've planned to take my (used to be) best friend to the local tulip farm, 6 o'clock in the morning, my mum knock on the door and said my dad had a car accident, he was in the hospital and he lost conscious, I've had a panic attack and was so worried that I might lose my dad, all I want to do was to rush to the hospital and see my dad... I've called my friend straight away and I apologized that I was not able to take her to the tulip farm today because my dad was in the hospital, the first thing she said was 'Oh~ OK, so I'm going back to sleep then if we are not going to Tulip farm!', I was so angry and speechless, I can't believe what she have just said and the fact that she doesn't even care about my dad's life considered she was holding a one year working visa visiting Australia, my parents offered her a full time job and she was staying at my parents' house for free, I can't believe she doesn't even appreciate and care my family... anyway my dad gained his conscious 2 days later, he was in the rehab center for 2 months learn to walk again, he was doing fine and he walked me down the aisle on my special day.

I've had a very difficult time in the past 2 years, I've lost my 18 years friendship with her, I don't want to meet people, I can't trust friends anymore, I've lost interest to do things that I want because I am scare of something bad will happen, I hated myself and I feel upset all the time. I want to be happy again and I want to move on, does anyone can give advice what should I do to forget my past?

[Jake2008]

It is almost as though you are saying that nothing has gone right from the day of the wedding (with the passing of your Grandmother), and there have been a series of losses.

First your Grandmother, then your long friendship, then slowly, it has all evolved into you anticipating anything good in your life is clouded by anxiety, depression, fear, and a loss of enjoying your life. Including the fact that you think bad things are going to continue to happen.

Because this has been evolving over a two year period, and things have become worse, instead of better, it might be time to consider counselling to help you work through all the feelings and thoughts you have. It is time to regain your life, and not be shadowed by what could happen, because life is passing you by because of these thoughts.

You cannot change anything in the past, yet you dwell on it, and it is affecting your present, and your future. While you stay in this revolving door of depression and confusion, and anticipation of nothing ever going right again, you are further and further distancing yourself from turning your life, and your thinking around.

From your wedding day on, you have not allowed yourself to see past the events that have caused you to feel this way. It is not the events, although tragic, that are responsible for how you feel today. It is allowing the events to keep you in this place emotionally, where you do not have to be.

Counselling will help you remove this big dark cloud that keeps you locked in the past, and help you start to live your life without worrying that anything good that happens will be followed by something bad. Anticipating events that may or may not happen, won't prevent them from happening either; you won't cope any better simply because you expect bad things to continue to happen. In other words, why bother trying to be happy if something bad is going to happen anyway.

There is much in this life that will knock anybody out of commission for a time, including all that you have experienced. But, to not recover emotionally, leaves you stuck. That you want to live a life without all the symptoms you have described, will require courage to address, and I hope you do, through counselling.

[Coojo]

I've changed my personality since that day, I've tried so hard to forget the past but it isn't easy at all.
Here's my full story
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Hate-My-Friends/1350656
I'm going to see counselor tomorrow, thank you!

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, death is just a natural thing that happens, we live, and we all die. She had a wonderful life and to be honest it appears she may have even stayed alive long enough to see you married, it may have been that special to her that she held onto life till after you were married. To me it show how special the day was for even her for her to do that.

I would be honored by it.

When something happens that we may view as bad, it is on a day, that day is just a day, there may be good things that happen in another year,

[Coojo]

I know that day is just a day, also is a day that hard to forget, anyway I went to see the counselor yesterday, felt a bit better today, I'm working on focus on the good side, I'm trying so hard to be positive, hope time will change my thought.

[Fr_Chuck]

I know when my dad died, he held on and held on, because mom would not leave the room. Within a couple hours of her leaving the room, he passed while I was there. For many ( when they can) they try to hold on to life for certain things, in his case, he did not want to go with mom there, or so says the nursing staff.

For mom, she passed the way she would have wanted, in the kitchen fixing something from the fridge.

While I miss them, I know they each meet death on their own terms.

[Coojo]

I'm hearing you, I'm trying my best focusing on the positive, hope time and professional advice helps get me out of the box, thank you!

[dontknownuthin]

I agree that this devoted grandmother lived a long and lovely life, and clearly she made a wonderful impression on the family as evidenced by the great sense of loss you feel today. She tried to be there for you, and I really think that though it's hard and sad, the fact that she died just as you finished saying your vows is really beautiful. It's as if she were waiting to make sure you were together for good and had one another officially before she could leave you. It was a great act of love.

Please find a way to celebrate this day, your anniversary, as a day when not only the two of you, but all of your family were together both in happiness and in grief and loss. This is what marriage is about - the good and bad, the joys and losses. Find a way to celebrate that's fun and wonderful every year - force yourself if you must until you are used to doing so, but it's OK to have a bit of remembrance of this special woman in your life, too. Perhaps renew your vows next year, so you can form new memories. Maybe you can carry her favorite flower as a quiet memory of what she meant to you.

The only thing that has helped me in the loss of all of my grandparents and many others has been to celebrate their lives, rather than mourning their loss. I do miss them, but just in allowing myself to be happy I had them, to laugh at old stories and talk about them in a happy way has really changed my entire experience for the better.

[Alty]

I know when my dad died, he held on and held on, because mom would not leave the room. Within a couple hours of her leaving the room, he passed while I was there. For many ( when they can) they try to hold on to life for certain things, in his case, he did not want to go with mom there, or so says the nursing staff.

For mom, she passed the way she would have wanted, in the kitchen fixing something from the fridge.

While I miss them, I know they each meet death on their own terms.

The same thing happened with both my parents. My dad was in hospital for 12 days before he died. During that time either my mom, me, or both of us were with him at all times.

We knew he was terminal, but the day he died the doctors said he was doing better, so my mom asked me to take her out to do some errands, take her home for a change of clothes and a shower. Minutes after we both left the hospital together, my dad passed away.

Your husbands Grandma waited for you to be married. She made it. What a special gift she gave to you. I wouldn't look at this as a sad thing, it's a happy memory, something special, something many people don't get in their lifetime.

[Coojo]

True, all my family and relatives think Grandma held on to life until our special day. I guess all the unforeseen things happened at the same time, therefore I couldn't focus on the positive. I hope this year will make a much better year.

[Coojo]

Yes, you're right, I should move on with life and allow myself to be happy, I am hoping to do something special for our next anniversary, thank you!