[djnav11]

In Virginia, can I legally enforce restrictions on the people that can be around my kids? My spouse and I are separated. I do not approve of some of her friends and wish that when she has our kids, certain friends are not around them.

[Ace High]

Hi djnav11,
Legally, you probably need to get "evidence" of why you disagree with the company your ex is keeping. And then take it to court. Wishing will get you nowhere. When dealing with a legal case, everything is based on proof. You can probably "legally" have your ex-wife not smoke around your kids if she is a smoker because there is legal grounds about bad effects of smoking. But you just being unhappy of her current friends will get you nowhere unless you can document why!! If they are drug users, do they have a history already with the police that you can document.? Or is there a way that you can video tape what they do that you can present to a judge that is unhealthy to your kids?? Best of luck in this. Your kids will have little choice in what their future holds till they are of age. And then whatever damage is done may or may not be fixed. Best wishes to a Dad who cares. --- Ace

[s_cianci]

You can try. Unless you can prove that these friends of your ex's would be a physical or moral danger to your child then I doubt you'll get very far. Just saying that you don't "approve" of these friends won't cut it.

[robinmaye]

In Virginia, can I legally enforce restrictions on the people that can be around my kids? My spouse and I are separated. I do not approve of some of her friends and wish that when she has our kids, certain friends are not around them.

I can tell you of the 2 cases I have been involved in in regards to this matter. My custody agreement states that neither I nor my ex can have our children around known convicted felons. But we agreed on having this put in and I am not sure if a judge would have enforced it if we had not agreed.

Second, my current relationship is with a wonderful man who is in the middle of a very nasty divorce and custody battle. When she found out about me when he moved in together, she had the temporary order amended to state that the children must always be in his presence when he has them for visitation and that they can not be left unattended by him during this time. This was her way of making sure they were not left alone with me. She believes this means I can not be around her kids, but that is not correct as I can be around them and they love spending time with me, we just do it with their father all together as a family.

You may not like her friends, but unless you can prove they are in danger there isn't much you can do. If you know her friend behave in a way that you do not approve of, carefully explain why these behaviors are wrong to your children. (behaviors such as drugs, language, manners) I say carefully as you do not want to come off as trying to turn the kids against her or her friends. You just want to impress proper behavior on them.

[heartbroken mother]

I have the same problem. My ex husband does not want our son to be around the man I am dating simply because of pure jealousy of the man. My boyfriend cares deeply for our son and has no record of child abuse or child endangerment and is in no trouble of any kind so I feel like the ex spouses need to act as an adult and respect the privacy of the other person and don't use the kids as a pawn to work against each other. However if the spouse is having people who are legally proven by the courts to be of endangerment to the child then it's time to step in and take control of the situation to better the child.

[NowWhat]

I agree with the other post. You need proof. Otherwise, you are going to look like a mad, jealous ex. Obviously, you guys don't like each other, otherwise, you wouldn't be ex's. I would imagine judges hear from disgruntled ex's all the time, so the judge is going to be thinking that before you open your mouth. So, the burden of proof is on you.