[Niki65]

I know a lot of people hear the same questions over and over again. I am once again going to be asking the same question I am sure you have heard a million times. My ex boyfriend broke up with my last August we have been broken up for about a year and a few months. I started dating someone new who seemed at first great but wasn't so great towards the end. I would run back to my ex because he new how much I missed him and how much I hated the new relationship I was in. MY ex broke up with me after about 9months because he told me he was too busy with work and not ready for a relationship and that seems to still be the case. We are all a big group of friends so I see him all the time and we hangout about maybe 2 times a week by ourseleves. I have tried talking to him about getting back together yet he just isn't ready to put himself on the line. Everyone in our group knows how much he cares about me and tells me I just need to stop worrying and enjoy the time we have to spend together but yet he can do whatever he wants with anyone if he choose he says he has not but if he wants to he can. We spend our weekends together and its weird we act like a couple when we are together just us but when it comes down to it we aren't and he isn't ready. I care about him more than anything. I even tried moving on but knew that my feelings for him are so strong that I got sucked back. I don't want to be "THAT GIRL" I want to be the one he enjoys spending time with not jealous and or clingy and so demanding but on the other hand I want him to respect what I want and what I need and no matter of talking helps how do I get him to understand how much I care about him without talking and being clingy. And you can't make a guy want to settle down if he doesn't want to and I can't avoid him we are all close friends and he is always always around. I guess my question is if someone cares about you but isn't ready to lay it all on the line and hold a relationship how long do you wait and is it fair he gets all the emotional and physical but no commitment. Its not enough for me but I can't walk away one because I miss him too much and two he like I said is always around. Is there something I am doing wrong that makes him just know I am not ready to get back with him because sometimes I feel its me cause some of my friends tell me I am too needy and clingy.
I care about him a lot and bottom line feel in my heart we should be together but I don't know if I can keep holding on to false hopes its been more than a year and we are still very close even though I date and he dated a few girls in between and yet we are both single and still hanging out. I want him so badly to be apart of my life more than just a friend and more than talking or spending time without a commitment! I just am tired of missing him and being sad when he knows I miss him yet we are still hangout without clear guidelines that I have tried to talk to him about and he ignores. I just need some clear advice on what if anything can I do?? I am 24 and he is 27 if that helps!

[bkdaniels]

I honestly don't know what you can do. I guess originally, I was going to say that I think this guy needs a good slap in the jaw.

There is verbal communication and there is non-verbal communication. The problem is, you have to decide what method of communicating is most important to him.

What does it tell you when you ask someone a question and they turn around and walk away, without answering? They may not want to talk to you right now, right?

This works the same way if you try to talk to him and he takes no time to listen. He do not want to talk to you.

This is not an example, this was said to bring about another point. He knows how you feel about him and I think that he is pretty comfortable with the relationship the way it is, now.

Everything in life is going to go the way that you want it to. Each time you want something, you are going to get it; no if's, and's, or but's.

Sound good doesn't it? But, in reality, everything in life is not going to go our way. Every time we want something, we are not going to get it.

I am sorry, but that is just how it is. This is something that I have to deal with, everybody else has to deal with, and honey, you are no better than anyone else in this world.

So I feel safe in summing this up by saying, Welcome To the Real World. Your best option is to get as much as you can out of life, cause there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in the grave whither thy goest [Ecc. 9: 10].

Hope this answers your question!

REFERENCE(S)

1. Larissa Hirsch, M.D. 2006. How Can I Help My Child Deal With a Breakup?

[donna45]

I ,m going through almost the same thing as you are!I believe in my heart there is no right answer. Iwasted 21 years on my x-boyfreind,I truly believe it could never happen to us and this is where I am today!I have a beautiful 13 year old son who lives with me ,that looks like his dad and its been 4months since the break-up ,because he did,nt want to marry me or live together,I can only say to you ,don't waste your life on someone like I did,I am 45 years old and he was my life,I am without friends and family because there was so many I told you so,s!! You are young ,I am a older woman with look and no brains now and I'm so scared of starting over!!

[chuff]

Why would he commit to you? He gets you every weekend. He hangs out with you a couple times a week. And he's free to see anybody he wants. He's got it made.

[s_cianci]

At this point you need to decide what you're willing to live with. You aren't happy with things the way they are but don't want to walk away either. You're keeping yourself in limbo. Only you can make the choice of whether you want to continue accepting this arrangement or not. It doesn't sound like he's going to change anytime soon so the ball's strictly in your court. Keep in mind that the longer you hang on to what appears to be a "dead end", the more you deprive yourself of possibly finding a meaningful relationship with someone with whom you're truly compatible.

[JoeCanada76]

I agree with the above post. The longer you hold on to something that you know is not coming your way, the chanches are your missing out on something really special happening right now.

I also agree, that he knows how you feel about him, He has made it clear he does not want anything else.

The thing that bothered me is that you said you act like a couple have everything a couple does except, but, and so on.

So No more physical play. No more acting as a couple. Be a friend, but not friend with benefits. See how the tune changes then.

Joe