[nanamarie64]

Hi everyone, I hope that someone out there can please help me, I am so fed up with my 21 year old daughter, I just don't know what to do any more.
Okay here is my problem, My daughter has recently moved back home for the upteen time, it's been so many times, I have lost track, anyway, she has been from one relationship, to another never finding the right one, she has a 10 month old son now from one of her boyfriend's, that she lived with,and she doesn't want to get a job, all she does is cleans my house,I myself am working 2 job's my husband work's 1 job, while she is living the leisure life.
She has a tendency to be quite lazy in her cleaning, and whenever we try to talk to her, she more or less takes our head off.
She really need's to grow up and take on the responsibility of her own life and support her son herself.
She has tried to get child support for her son, but since the daddy is on ssi she can't get it.
The daddy does not get to see his son,because of an incident in the past that he has to clear up first.
It has caused trouble in my marriage, because my husband now is her step dad, and he is so tired of her using me,and her abusing attitude toward me.
Some times I feel as if she will never grow up and have a life of her own, I don't want to throw her out because of my grandson, but yet, I do want to enjoy my home and my husband with out my daughter living here again.
I hope that someone out there will be able to understand my forestation and be able to help me out.
The only reason that we let her come back home is because, we didn't want to see our grandson live on the streets, that's the only reason she is here...
Please some one help!! :confused:

[sansofms]

Make Her Grow Up. Put Her Out, With The Child As Well. You Did Your Part Of Raising Her. She Knows Right From Wrong. I Am A Mom Of Two. This Sounds Cold, But There Comes A Time, You Have To Do What's Best For You. She Will One Day Thank You. If Not, Oh Well You Done Your Best To Teach Her.

[nanamarie64]

I have tried this before she even had the baby and this got me no where, she had changed for a little bit then right back to the old ways again.
I do understand what you are saying,I really do appreciate your help, I find myself had to do this to the baby, because why should I punish him, he didn't ask to be here or to have this kind of life.
The other reason is because I lost my son when he was 6 months of age, and unless you have lost one of your babies you don't know how it feel to think of losing the only child you have left.
But I will try to do this one day.
Thank you for your comments, and for taking the time to reply to me.

[CaptainForest]

Don't look at it as you are punishing the baby.

The baby's well being is your daughter's responsibility, NOT yours.

Eventually, as a parent, you just need to cut the strings and move on.

Will it be hard for your daughter at first? Yes. But, she will then grow up.

Unless you are willing to give her some tough love, this will continue to go on.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yep, she will never grow up as long as you let her live without paying any rent or doing any real work around the house.

My grown son moved home, I let him stay one month, paid him one months rent and said I was sorry when he was sleeping in his car for two weeks, I said sure I would help, I gave him the address of the local shelter.

If you are letting her live with no responsibility, she will. This is your choice completely.

[worthbeads]

Just tell her to get a job or she leaves. If she gets a job, she is one step closer to supporting her self and the child. That means leaving. If she gets a job, start billing her for everything. TV, Computer, rent, food, electric, gas. If she doesn't get a job, do it anyway. Then she'll have to get one. If she says she needs to watch the baby, tell her to find a daycare. Above anything, put your foot down!

[s_cianci]

Don't be intimidated by the "grandson living on the street" prospect. She needs to grow up, move out and take care of herself and her son. You've done your job as a parent ; now it's time to concetrate on you and your husband. It's not worth jeopardizing your marriage. Trust me, your daughter and grandson will make out just fine. You've been enabling her thus far and it has to stop.

[nanamarie64]

I would like to thank everyone for your advice, It has helped a lot more than you will ever know.
Me and my husband have been talking about all of this, and he has even read everyone's e-mail's along with me.
Thanks again

[Depressed in MO]

None of this sounds right. I understand your delimma. HOwever, it is your daughter and you should not feel good about kicking her out on the street with a baby. I became pregnant at a very young age, and my mother scared the crap out of me in order to keep me on my toes and become responsible so that I could be on my own. She has always been there for me which led me to be as successful as I am today. She told me that if I didn't straighten up, finish school, attend some kind of college, then my baby would get taken away from me and I would end up on the street or dead. That really scared me. Although I have a hard life now, I work hard, am a good mother, and that is my life. I have many things to look forward to. My mother has recently passed away and I thank goodness for everything she has put into me to help me on the path to make my life complete. Be there for your daughter. Help guide her. That's not saying give in and give her everything she wants (like no job, a place to live, do whatever she wants whenever she wants), but rather help her get on the right path. Spend time with her and show her what her options are and how to go about getting her goals completed. Have you ever asked her what she wanted in life? Does she say she wants a good job and this and that? Look into the Department of Social Services with her for free schooling (that's what I did). They will pay for her daycare/medical everything until she gets a good job and on her feet. This may take a year or two, but it can and will be done if you are willing to be there for her in that matter.

Good luck to you.