[gaius88]

Hi,

We had been together for 1 and half year, we got engaged only after 6 months. Things where actually just getting better, when all of a sudden I blew it by cheating one time.
I was honest about it, and she broke of with me instantly the next day.

This was very hard for me, and over the next two weeks I kept calling and texting her. We talked about easy stuff, but mostly on heavy negative stuff, and I never knew if it helped to talk or not. I figured to not contact her and let her do something to save it, to my dissapointement she didn't.

Well, except that I occasionally get text messages from her. They are all practically related, but still there is no spesific reason to text either. For instans, the other day I got a text from her, and since it was a week since we last had contact I instantly got exited. In the text she first says: "Hurray I got the money! But wherent you supposed to transfers this amount aswell?"

I became increadibly dissapointed when realizing that after a week the only thing she would talk about was money. So I answered: "Sure, you mean for that thing? No problem." I then instanly get this reply and then I mean instantly "Srew it, you can have the money, for your truble anyways."

So, she wants to settle something and when I agrees, she says screw it...

It was my fault to begin with, but I am confindent enough about myself to know that it was a mistake and that I wish to get back together with her. I am truly in love with her, despite all the negative accusations she was throwing at me the first weeks.

The question is simply, how to interpret these meaningless messages? Also another strange thing I can't get my head aorund is that she all of a sudden has a higher interest in my friends from old. She reasently became friend with an older ex of mine on Facebook and keeps sending happy birtday messages to my friends, something she never used to do before?

What does she really want?

Best regards

[Shadowburn]

You hurt her deeply by your cheating, and she broke off with you. But she still have feelings for you (feelings don't go away just because partner did us wrong), so remains in contact with little texts or through your friends - knowing you'll see her messages on FB.

If you really truly believe you've made a mistake, if you're willing to talk about it openly, if you really love her and want to get back with her - then pick up the phone and tell her exactly that, and see what she has to say.

Even if she still loves you and will be willing to give you another chance, process will be long and painful - broken trust is a very hard thing to overcome in relationship. But if this is something that you both want - then it is totally possible.

[talaniman]

She wants you to settle your business together and leave her alone. She also wants you to hurt as much as she does and feel her pain.

Being betrayed by cheating is more than some can forgive, and one of those things that sorry is never enough.

Pay up, and leave her alone, as you bear the consequences of your actions, and move forward by NOT repeating that mistake ever again.

[DoulaLC]

Have you actually sat down and talked with her face to face about this or has it all been through phone calls and texting?

If not, get off the phone and go talk to her. The meaningless testing and the talking to your friends on Facebook may just be a way for her to sort of keep tabs on you... or perhaps she is fishing to see if she gets wind of any other indiscretions on your part.

Speak to her and find out what she wants to do, whether she is wanting to try and work things out, or if she would rather end it and move on. If the two of you decide to try and work it out, remember that trust is going to be a big issue for some time... the onus is mostly on you to work at rebuilding it.

[Cat1864]

How long have you been broken up?

If you have settled all outstanding financial issues with her and have transferred each person's belongings back to the correct owners, then ask her not to text you and block her texts or just don't read them. That ends the confusion on that part.

Does she know that you expect her to 'do something to save it'? How exactly did you break off contact with her after the two weeks of talking?

You may have confidence in yourself, however, she probably doesn't. She may not have any confidence in herself and her judgment. Women who are cheated on (especially in relationships that seem to be going well) tend to turn the anger, resentment, disappointment, blame, etc. on themselves. For everything that she 'accused' you of, she probably has said more and worse to herself. She has to work through those feelings on her own and game playing won't help either of you.

As for your friends and Facebook, why did they accept friend requests or send them? Maybe there is shared ground that you didn't know about or that has developed since the break up.

If you want to know what is going on in her head, talk with her. I personally think you both need to leave each other alone.

[positiveparent]

She wants to get back at you for hurting her and seems shes doing just that, You need to go NC, and move on and let her do the same, she doesnt want you back but she wants you to feel hurt in some ways.

[Kitkat22]

I agree. It's over. Leave her alone.
Get a new phone.