[westmis]

Hi Everyone,
I have been going through a lot with my husband and even though I am taking zoloft and seeing a counselor I can't get over this. My husband and I dated a little less then a year before marrying and have been together for 3 years now.

My husband and I started dating at the end of march beginning of April. I was very independent and thought he was wonderful. He matched almost all my wants in a man and in life.

From the start of our relationship he never took me to parties with his friends. He would only see me one night a weekend and it wasn't a full 24 hours. He told me he had broken up with his ex in the beginning of February. I just found out from her that they started dating again the same time we started to date. He broke up with her for good in May of that year. This is after I also found out he signed up for Match.com in May. This devastates me because he always told me from the start that he hated cheaters because his mom cheated on his dad. I guess it's okay for him though.

He also likes to brag about how wonderful his exes were and how he did these amazing things with and for them. He would go to their parents for dinner and do things with their families. He also planned surprise birthday trips to resorts. He had nothing to do with my family. I would ask him to dinner to my dads and he always said no. He also has never done anything for my birthday! And to make it worse he told me that they deserved it.

The last thing was he asked me to move in with him, but made me pay rent and split all bills to include groceries. When I asked him why he wanted me to move in he told me it was because he felt bad my apartment had fallen through and that he liked having someone pay rent. This hurts because it wasn't because he loved me which is what he says now.

I know that this is a lot of info, but I don't know what to do. We have two babies, I gave up my career to support his and feel stuck!

Please help!!

[talaniman]

Wow, dating sounds horrible and you married the fool any way? Unbelievable. When did you have your last child. I suspect you having gone through hell and back and half the time you have spent has been going through a pregnancy, and child birth. If I were you, I would talk to your doctor if the last child were born recently within the last 6 months.

Its understandable to be depressed, but you knew about what he was doing early enough to make a better decision, and even if you were pregnant early.

Take your time and get on your feet and worry more about the health, security, and loving your kids as you rebuild and decide what you want to do about yourself.

[Jake2008]

You have been through a lot in three years, including the fact that you had babies with a man such as he is. Did you know what you know now, when you were pregnant with your last child?

I'm not sure what you need, as far as advice. Are you wanting out of the marriage? Do you want him to change- are you expecting that he will change? What do you want for your future, and the future of your babies?

I realize that you don't know what to do, and you are honest enough to say so. I would strongly advise you to seek counselling to help you work through all these issues, and put some sort of plan, for your own future, in place.

In the meanwhile, what is he like to live with now, and do you feel safe?

[Oddboots]

You were looking for love. He was looking for a free ride.

Time to wake up and take responsibility for yourself and the children. He won't.