[gamom24]

I am married to a man (Joe) who had a previous relationship (approx. 14 years ago) w/a girl (Kim) who became pregnant. He got engaged to her but broke off the engagement because he found out she was cheating on him. Once the baby was born, Kim claimed it was his baby; however, when he asked her for a DNA test, she refused. Joe got lawyers involved, sent several requests for a DNA test, but Kim refused all of them. So, Joe just moved on. Never sent child support, never had any contact w/Kim again.

In 1997 or 1998, Joe was served with papers requesting that he sign over his parental rights to the child to Kim's new husband. Because Joe had no proof that the child was his, he did not sign the papers. Kim's new husband adopted the child, and the child now has his last name.

Since we now have Facebook, I've researched Kim and this child to at least see what she looks like to see if she resembles Joe at all, now that she's around 14 or 15 years old. I found her and she is a spitting image of my husband. We live in GA and the child and Kim live in North Carolina. From what I can tell, the child has had a stable environment... meaning she calls Kim's husband Daddy and they are still married. She also now has a little brother.

My question is, does Joe have any rights now to demand a DNA test on the child? Does he have any rights to see her? If we decide to pursue a relationship with the child, how do we start that process?

BTW, Joe says that Kim is "crazy" and very unreasonable, which would make this very hard to deal with. She comes from a small town and has very religious parents, which is the reason that she never told her parents that there was a question as to the paternity of the child. We have no idea what type of bad-mouthing she's done to her daughter about Joe or if her daughter even knows that she was adopted and that Joe is her real father.

Any insite to this situation would be greatly appreciated. We have children of our own (boys) so I realize that this would impact there lives, as well as the life of the child involved. Since we don't have a daughter, I know my husband would be thrilled to have the chance to get to know her and be involved in her life from this point forward.

Thanks.

[Synnen]

Nope.

His rights were terminated when he didn't respond to the court hearing to terminate them.

The time to go for a DNA test was THEN---through the COURTS, not through the child's mother.

My advice is to have your husband (not you--you shouldn't be involved at all) send a letter to her mother. The letter should contain pertinent medical information and contact information. For all you know--the child has NEVER been told she was adopted, and finding that out the wrong way can completely ruin a person's self-image.

The PARENTS of the child (and by this, I mean the legal parents, not the biological parents) should decide what should be done with the information, because she is a minor.

Even once she reaches 18, I would still send her only ONE letter, giving contact information, and leaving the ball in her court.

Your husband had a chance to have a relationship with her---14 or 15 years ago. Now he has no right to a relationship with her, and it's frankly his own fault. So--he waits for either her mother to initiate steps for a relationship now, or for the daughter to initiate steps for a relationship when she turns 18.

[ScottGem]

Totally agree with Synnen. Once the adoption was finalized, your husband's parental rights were gone. He has NO right whatsover to contact this child.

However, I do believe YOUR children should be told about this potential half-sister with the proviso that they make no attempt at contact until after she is 18.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, while he did not sign the paper work, he also did not appear in court to fight for his rights and the court took them away.

[gamom24]

Yes, you answered my questions. Thanks for the info.