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shortie7755 · May 16, 2010, 06:43 PM

My ex and I were together for 2 and a half years, been best friends for over three years. We were living together for over nine months, but the last month I was there we were technically broken up, I just hadn't moved out yet. He is telling me that he is unhappy with his life and just can't be in a serious relationship right now. He says he hates the person he has become, hates his job, and just needs time to build his self esteem up because right now he has none, he essentially thinks he is worthless. He is 30 yrs old, makes less money now than he did when he is twenty and doesn't feel like his life is where it should be. Also, he was in a serious relationship for 10 yrs before he met me and jumped right into dating me and says he needs to know that he can survive on his own, without that backbone. As far as how he feels about me, he says he cares for me deeply and still loves me, but our relationship doesn't feel full. In the last couple weeks I was living with him, I knew I would be moving out, but it was almost like we went full circle back to being so good. He admits that he feels better about us, but he feels like if he can't sort out his baggage, than we will never work out anyway. He says that he is not shutting the door on us, and does potentially see a future. He assures me he is not looking to test the waters, he just can't have a relationship tight now. I work with him, and he wants to remain friends, but everything I read says that's a bad move. But when I say maybe we shouldn't talk, he gets sad and says he knows he will miss me, he already does. I just don't know what to do.. please help

jimseekinadvice · May 16, 2010, 07:09 PM

Hi shortie,

You do what's best for you. He's expecting you to wait for him, which unfortunately is not a good idea since you can be waiting for months or years. Staying friends will just keep you on the hook and you, however, need the time to get over the break up and try to move on. There is nothing more selfish than breaking up with someone and hoping that person will wait for them till they decide if you are worth being with or not.

shortie7755 · May 16, 2010, 07:12 PM

He is not asking me to wait because he doesn't think that's fair to me actually

jimseekinadvice · May 16, 2010, 07:22 PM

He has a good head on his shoulders then. But in essence, you do what is best for you. If you think you can handle just being friends then go that route (but if the break up is fresh I doubt you can handle just being friends anytime soon).. if not, take some time alone away from him to help you recover from the break up. I know he will get sad and say he misses you, but right now you need to take care of yourself. He also seems like he needs time to sort out his life without you there.

talaniman · May 16, 2010, 07:41 PM

I think you can treat each other politely, and respectfully at work, but don't get into anything to deep as far as personal conversations go, as you both need some space to let the emotional dust settle.

It may be uncomfortable, and awkward, but time heals all wounds, and you will both have grown for the experience.

Really sorry for your loss.

hallie78 · May 17, 2010, 04:05 PM

Aaw sorry! I'm only 14 I'm sure you don't want my opinion but I think your too good for waiting for a guy. If he loves you then tell him now or never! Girls arent't patient (especially me!) and he needs to understand its hard for you! I think you need to make sure he see's a future with you some time soon or tell him to forget about it. But again I'm only 14 what do us kids know?