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Super Allie · May 24, 2008, 05:07 PM

My boyfriend broke up with me in a club last Saturday, when he saw a boy talking to me, he thought that I was flirting with him and I wasn't. He called me names, and left, leaving a comment on my voice mail telling me it was over.

We met up Sunday and he said that it was over, leaving me crying. I heard that he was seen with one of his former girlfriends during the week at The Crown (a bar) but don't know to believe it or not, but then got a text saying "Can we meet up and talk, im sorry xoxo". And some phone calls, all I left unanswered. I just don't know if I should take him back aftrer leaving me and what he said and possibly getting with another girl in the week.

My friends say I shouldn't bother with him, just wondering what others think.

jrsg · May 24, 2008, 05:14 PM

I think you two need to talk. There seems to be a trust issue here... and if he called you names, there's no reason for that. Was the alcohol involved (it did happen at a club). Is he usually like that?

If that was the first time he called you names, and acted in that manor, then I would say give him another chance.

Super Allie · May 24, 2008, 05:18 PM

There was drink invovled :) But it was too early for it to have had any effect, we were only there about 30 minutes. He has called me names, which I don't think I need to mention which, with my friends and his brother around before.

It's just that he has treated me quite bad, so my friends say (and I do too from a point of view) and the fact that he has been like this for some time and possibly got with someone in oast week might be too much.

jrsg · May 24, 2008, 05:32 PM

Do you like him? If you really liked him, this wouldn't be a question. I think you would go back to him no matter what.

I think before you can make a decision, you should definitely talk to him. BUT, talk to him with an open mind. Don't talk to him saying in your head "I won't take him back, I won't take him back." Hear what he has to say.

If you like him, and he apologizes and explains himself well, then I think he deserves another chance.

But I am still a little concerned, what do you mean when you say he has treated you quite bad?

Super Allie · May 24, 2008, 05:35 PM

The way he puts going out with "the lads" and couple of weeks past he didn't go to my sister's 21st because "the lads" were watching Chelsea play football on the TV. He called me names with my friends there and very nasty names hurting me.

But he never laid a finger to hurt me if that's what you mean by the way he treated me

jrsg · May 24, 2008, 05:39 PM

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, but I had to ask.

Does he know the names he calls you are hurting you? Or is it in a joking manor?

I had a girlfriend who called me a fat pig, and an idiot. But, I am 6 feet tall and only 150 pounds (skinny), and I have an 85% average in school. So I know it was just joking, and she laughed as she said it.

Super Allie · May 24, 2008, 05:58 PM

You didn't offend me ;)

His names were not in a joking way, they were said as a way to hurt, like a form of control or something.

jrsg · May 24, 2008, 06:05 PM

Oh,
If the names are not in a joking manor, then I don't think you should take him back.

But again, I think you should talk to him. Bring up the fact that he calls you names, and confront him about it. If he apologizes for that, and promises never to do it again, I think maybe he deserves another chance, ONLY IF HE IS Sincerely SORRY! If it starts again, dump him and find a guy who treats you right.

talaniman · May 24, 2008, 07:42 PM

You take him back, and you'll be getting more of the same. Haven't you had enough of that? You deserve better.

JBeaucaire · May 25, 2008, 12:09 AM

Relationships are about paying attention. If you don't do that, YOU don't learn and grow and HE doesn't learn and grow.

Sometimes the only way to change your behavior is for it to cost you something. BY this I mean his controlling and jealous behavior may only be cured by you permanently breaking up with him over this exact issue. If you tell him that's why, he may be able to overcome this in his next relationship.

If you take him back, though, he may learn nothing from it and continue to abuse your relationship with him because of it.

I'm sorry, but that is the way people learn. You may help HIM most of all by telling him his jealousy and controlling ways have ended your relationship with him forever. Wish him better luck next time, and truly mean it.

Or, take him back and put on your seat belt.

ososad · May 25, 2008, 07:41 AM

Name calling is never acceptable, especially if he knows it is hurting you.

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Without it, you have nothing.

If you're not 'allowed' to talk to other guys without accusations flying and tempers flaring, there's a major issue there. Do you want to waste your time with someone who makes you question yourself or causes you to hesitate in doing something as innocent as talking to someone or making friends?

You deserve better than someone who treats you that way. You may be in a relationship, but you also are an individual who is entitled to do as she pleases. His lack of trust and jealousy will develop into control issues. And who knows how far along your relationship will be at that point, you may find it harder to leave.

If I were you, I'd get out now when I had the chance.

jrsg · May 25, 2008, 07:48 AM

ososad, and eveybody else is right. I may have been giving the guy too much credit when I was speaking to you earlier. Don't take him back.

Also, your friends probably know more than anybody here could know about your situation. Listen to your friends, and get rid of him.