[lewken]

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 4 months. We met 2 years ago and first we started as best friends but then we started dating. I thought that the relationship was going perfect. We would always talk about how we were soul mates and how much we love each other. I care about him so much. I would always ask him if everything was OK and if I was a good girlfriend and he would always say yes. I figured nothing was wrong. Every time we were together we seemed so happy. I mean we did have many fights but we always seemed to resolve them. I know how much he loves me and I know how much I love him. He was the only guy I ever trusted. I trusted him so much that a week ago I lost my virginity to him and after doing that I thought everything would be perfect. A couple days ago he called me and said that he wanted to break up with me. I asked him why and he said that he has to be his own man. He said that he doesn't want to be tied down with a girlfriend and that he has felt insecure for the past two months. I asked him why he didn't warn me and he said because he thought I would figure it out. He just kept saying that maybe we can date again in the future but we can't date now. He said it's wrong timing. I am just so confused. How can you go from calling someone your true love to breaking up with them. I just need to get him back. I love him so much and I know he is the only guy for me. I just need advice. What should I do? By the way we are both 17 years old.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Sounds like he's curious to see if the grass is greener on the other side. If it isn't and he realizes it isn't, don't let him come back. Don't make yourself available. Move on.

[JBeaucaire]

I will try to be kind, but I don't always succeed. Forgive me in advance.

I certainly hope this has taught you something worthwhile. You are the living proof of what has been warned by adults to teenagers for 100s of years... keep your relationship free of sexual completion if you want to stay on track together. Without a marriage bond/commitment, sex is often the "end game" and men will oddly lose interest afterward... even after dating for a long time.

Waiting until marriage greatly increases (doesn't guarantee, though) the chance your man won't depart once you become sexually active.

Men and women want sex for different reasons. For men, it really is primal. It's a natural driving desire to copulate, and it's not usually about love. It's the act itself men crave, the release and sense of accomplishment with sex itself. I'm a guy, I can honestly confirm this is the case. It is very hard for man to equate sex with love properly. I can almost guarantee most 17 year olds can't do it.

For women, even at 17, sex is a love and bonding thing. For you, it's always a way of getting closer to your love interest.

So, even though you two both wanted it and it felt perfect, fundamentally you were playing at two completely different levels. I am so sorry for this painful wake-up call, but I trust none of this will go to waste, you will take it all in and see it for what it is.

Trust your guys ACTIONS, not his words. He had sex and almost immediately moved on. Forget everything he says about "why", he's rationalizing to ease his pain interacting with you over it. His action, however, says he's a normal guy focused on sexual learning and he's on to his next adventure.

If he ever tries to come back, it WILL most likely be some sort of familiarity thing, coupled with the off chance he can have sex again. It won't be for the reasons you would HOPE for, but he WILL tell you with words that it is. I'm sorry, but it won't really be completely true.

This stuff is so frustrating, isn't it?