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missdesperatehousewife · Dec 4, 2006, 04:15 PM

HI guys - I'm a newbie here and need some help - my fiancée has been more irritable lately and we have been argueing quite a lot - today I was using his phone and came across a text (shouldnt have read it I know) from a female friend he hasn't seen for ages saying "Hi, etc havent seen you for ages , whats the goss? that girl moved in? you still gettin it on with hannah?"
My fiancée is studying away at the mo and so is staying in halls with many other students - he has recently become VERY good friends with a girl called hannah - he has over 10 messages from her in the last 2 weeks - is he cheating? - is the message a mistake - sent to someone with the same name from this girls phone book? I don't know if the friend even knows hannah or why she would know if they were "getting it on" I don't know what to do - in every way my fiancée is perfect - I don't want to jump to conclusions... or am I being niave?

Skell · Dec 4, 2006, 04:44 PM

Sorry for your situation and I'm sorry for the opinion that I am going to give, but YES, I think he is cheating.

There is some substantial evidence to suggest he is!

What does your gut instinct tell you?

If indeed he is cheating then your fiancé is far from perfect. In fact he can't be trusted and that is no way to have a relationship.

Im very sorry for this situation you find yourself in and there will be many others here offer you some great advice on the best way to go about dealing with this sitation.

I think you need some frank discussion time with your fiancé to gt some answers.
You will know in your heart as well if he is lying.

But as I say others here will offer ways to go about dealing with this with him.

Sorry again!

missdesperatehousewife · Dec 4, 2006, 04:54 PM

Thanks skell I really appreciate your advice - how can I go about bringing up the fact that I read his text message? Oh what a mess.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 4, 2006, 05:05 PM

What kind of text messages are they? Did you read them? Your in a hard place. You bring up reading his phone messages that means you do not trust him. At the same time you need to come up with proof of him doing this before even mentioning anything about messages. Why not investigate further. Pictures any eye witnesses that you trust.

Joe

Skell · Dec 4, 2006, 05:42 PM

I see your contradiction which is hwy before I didn't offer any advice on approaching him. Because frankly I'm not sure.

But as I say there will be others here who may be able to help. Be patient.

But like Joe says do you have any more concrete evidence you can take to him to justify reading his messages?

In any case there is going to be a point where you are going to have to come clean with him and hopefully he will offer you the same respect.

But whatever you do never blame yourself, and don't think he is perfect. Because he is not and you deserve better.

And I don't want to jump to conclusions but the evidence doesn't look good so far!

missdesperatehousewife · Dec 5, 2006, 11:24 AM

Thanks for answer JOe - they were just general like "you coming for a drink with the flat" etc nothing strange really.

Wildcat21 · Dec 5, 2006, 11:36 AM

Yep, if you feel in your gut he is cheating... well I Know 98% of the time when women have that gut feeling - it's usually right.

My advice is you tell him the truth sit down and explain.

I personally feel a finace should not be in that living situation - too many chances - plus other women can smell a mile away a challenge - aka fiancé - it's an attraction builder.

I think you have WAY too much proof here - you can't let this continue.

You must bring it up. How much do you trust him? Who cares if you looked at his text - he is doing something wrong - you need to know about it.

You need trust and repsect to get married - not sure he respects you - he shouldn't be receiving those TEXT in the first place... doesn't look like you can trust him.

Do you really want to get married then find out he is cheatin gon you?

kp2171 · Dec 5, 2006, 12:20 PM

Look... in the end, you need to know.

You peeked where you shouldn't. Not great.

If he's sleeping where he shouldn't, that trumps bad act by you.

Id tell him the truth. You were using his phone. You were puttering around and came across a message you need to know about.

He might be cheating. You need to know. You don't trust him. He should probably know. Better for you both to work this out now than to wonder and have it come up later.