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mike2090 · Mar 23, 2010, 05:38 PM

Last week began with a note on my door from my girlfriend. She said she wanted to come up and snuggle after she dropped kids at school but door was locked and she didn't want to wake me. The next day she invites me to take share lunch with her. I made time... And then some :-) We went skiing on Friday and I gave her lessons and she and I had a blast. She is a model and somewhat used to being objectified. I am 37 and she is 27.

On Saturday we had spent day together and she wanted to take off to a dinner party. I said OK, let's meet up later. We did. It was late. She wanted to meet more friends out and I said I kind of wanted to get some sleep. We went home and she looked me in the eye and said she couldn't do this anymore. She said never healed from her ex and her heart was not right. She needed to make things right with him - maybe not date him but their social lives were intertwined and she could not avoid him - or the past... I left. I know she spoke with him. I do not know what else. She likes to stay out later, but other than that we had a blast. I guess some underlying issues came up, but it is very depressing. I have not said a word to her. She emailed me a few times the next day to be friendly (How's work? Do you have so and so's number for a job lead?)
I blew it all off, since we had taken such a radical turn. I ran into her yesterday and she was effected by response - or something - but she seemed kind of numb and passive and just nodded kind of blankly. She had to pick up the kids and said she was sorry, but I could catch up with her later or not after kids taken care of... It was so non-commital I just passed... Thoughts??

We dated for 7 months... And when I say "objectified" I simply mean that her looks have been her business and she is used to unwarranted attention perhaps but she is comfortable mostly with that life's "perk"...

Lucky098 · Mar 23, 2010, 05:44 PM

Kind of sounds like she doesn't know what she wants out of life.

darkdays · Mar 23, 2010, 05:49 PM

Kind of sounds that she's just not into you anymore. And maybe she's interested in her ex again.

mike2090 · Mar 23, 2010, 06:03 PM

She has a lot of pressure in her life (needs a new acting gig/job, kids, divorced) and wants to have fun and listen to live music and go out. I can do that 3 nights, but maybe not 7 :-). She may want fun back from her early married years... All I know is we were best friends for a long time... She must be worried about how things are all going... and the ex is not helping her relax... texting, emailing all the time.

sabrewolfe · Mar 23, 2010, 06:08 PM

I've got to agree with Darkdays on that. She sounds like she isn't over her ex, and the fact that she's a model and you are ten years older than her, she doesn't sound like a steady girl for you.
I wouldn't put too much mind on her. Let her go figure out herself and come back to you if she decides to.

mike2090 · Mar 23, 2010, 06:13 PM

OK, so I don't/won't need to worry about my guilt for blowing off her emails about job leads and other stuff after break up?

sabrewolfe · Mar 23, 2010, 06:14 PM

Originally Posted by mike2090

OK, so I don't/won't need to worry about my guilt for blowing off her emails about job leads and other stuff after break up?

Correct.

amicon · Mar 23, 2010, 11:28 PM

You should go no contact and recover from the breakup.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for more advice on how to handle breakups.

Romefalls19 · Mar 24, 2010, 07:51 AM

NC and leave her alone, you two just aren't a good fit with her lifestyle and yours.

Devorameira · Mar 24, 2010, 08:18 AM

It's possible that she's not over the ex.

It's possible that she doesn't care as much for you as you seem to care about her.

It's possible that she's just afraid to jump into another serious relationship.

Doesn't matter what the reason was, because the answer is still the same. I know I sound like a broken record here, but NC is the only way to go.

talaniman · Mar 24, 2010, 08:52 AM

We dated for 7 months...

You obviously had higher expectations of what was going on. You were just dating, and after 7 months you were both finding out things about each other, that you don't like. That's natural when dating.

Let go of the expectations and deal in reality, she has baggage, and wants space to do what she has to. The ex, and I assume her babies daddy, and she was married to him, and divorced? I don't know, but 7 months was to soon to think there would be no obstacles to overcome, or that you both would be willing to. She was not.

Since the relationship you thought you had has broken down, the communications went down with it. That happens, so yes a period to regroup (healing) is what you need. She will just have to understand your need, as unrealistic expectations that didn't happen. You also have to see it that way.