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Courtney5491 · Nov 24, 2009, 09:13 AM

Im in need of help. I grew up in an abusive household, where all I knew was argueing, fighting, hitting, yelling, and breaking things. & Ive been w/ this guy for a year now.. everything was fine till about 4 months ago when my anger got the best of me. I never really noticed that I had this side to me or that my childhood affected the way I am now, until one day I went crazy around my boyfriend. We got into it about something, and I got so mad I literally couldn't control myself. I didn't have one of these episodes for about a month, but now I find myself doing this more and more often. My boyfriend is such a kind, giving person. And he don't deserve someone to treat him like I do. Also, now that I've went "off" on him a few times, I find him disrespecting me more and more often. I can defiantly see how my attitude is breaking us up. And that's the last thing I want to happen because I love him so much. We live together and I'm working two jobs. We have so much to offer each other, but I'm ruining for the both of us. I really need help.

JudyKayTee · Nov 24, 2009, 10:03 AM

You need counselling to get past this. You can try to work on it yourself but if you have been out of control, do get out of control and cannot stop your outbursts you need to find another way to handle your frustration and anger and a professional can handle this for you.

What is your boyfriend's background? Why does he stay?

Jo!!! · Nov 28, 2009, 04:17 PM

Avoid alcohol at all costs.

JudyKayTee · Nov 28, 2009, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by Jo!!!

Avoid alcohol at all costs.

I do not understand your advice.

Did the OP mention that alcohol is/was a problem in the relationship?

Devorameira · Nov 28, 2009, 05:39 PM

Childhood events truly impact us as adults. I'm sure you can think back to your childhood and remember when you hated how the angry members of your family acted.

Since it's been so deeply embedded in your brain since birth, I think you need to talk to your doctor and get some therapy. It'll take work and time, but counseling will eventually eliminate the anger problems.

Take action soon before you run your boyfriend off. Good luck!

jmjoseph · Nov 28, 2009, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I do not understand your advice.

Did the OP mention that alcohol is/was a problem in the relationship?

I think that they meant that it would be "gas on the fire", which in most times, would be.

Courtney, you are lucky that this guy has stuck around at all. Do not be surprised if he treats YOU differently, now that you have gone off on HIM, several times.

Judy is right, you need counseling to deal with your issues.

Things like this most of the time get worse, before they get better.

Make an appointment with a doctor, and tell them what's going on.

Gemini54 · Nov 28, 2009, 08:17 PM

You're in fact, responding the only way you know how. As Devorameira said, this behavior is embedded in your brain.

Angry or violent behavior are the responses that you've seen modeled since you were a child and I suspect it's hard wired into your brain so that it's very difficult for you to know how to respond differently or even begin to know how to alter your responses.

Counselling is a really good idea, and I would also suggest you making a real effort to ask yourself - could I have responded in another way? Why did I let myself react so strongly? Am I trying to control our relationship with my bad behavior?

Until you go to counselling perhaps the approach is that you remove yourself from the situation if you find yourself 'going off'. Go for a walk, ring a friend, leave the house.

In the end, behavior like this is disrespectful to your partner, which is perhaps why he's responding with disrespect in return.

Let him know what you're thinking and the struggle you're having. If he understands what's happening with you, you can then work through it together.

izumi_puppy · Nov 29, 2009, 07:02 AM

Hey well I'm the same
If I feel angry of feel like hitting someone I smile when a big angry aura but if I watch something funny I get rid of it.

Jake2008 · Nov 30, 2009, 04:57 AM

I grew up in a similar home to you described. I've never hit anyone, or lost it, or couldn't control myself.

You do not have to be a carbon copy of anybody else, just because you are related to them.

Your anger is a problem, and you need to figure out how to control yourself, and express yourself, without going off the deep end.

This is a choice. Stay the way you are, or learn how to change.