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OliviaMe · Nov 18, 2009, 01:03 PM

I'm 31 and he's 33. We've been together for 2 years and plan to get married next year. Basically our relationship are fine. Like any other relationships, we had problems at the beginning. And I found out he has trauma because of his family problem. Before, he used to be a cold person. Being romantic was not in his dictionary. After we talked about and tried to work things out he's making a lot of progress. But still there is one thing still become a problem, especially for me. His sexual drive are very low. It can be 1 time only in 2 months :(. At first, I tried to create the romantic situation for us, but I feel he avoids it. For example, I ask him to go out of town on weekend just the two of us, he always have excuses to refuse it. Or one night I suggest we watch porn to help things out. He agreed, but in the end he ended up watching alien on TV :(. Because it happens all the time, now I'm too tired to try. I do realize, sometimes he can be active if we're in private place (each of us still live in our parents house and its our culture in our country to not move out until we get married... don't ask why :D). We've talked about it several times and I already warned him this sex thing is a very bad issue. I don't want to stuck with in a cold marriage. He admits he has low libido and promise to fix things up. I feel very frustrated, I get angry to him easily, and I do hope we can fix the situation. Do you think he can be better after we have our own place? I love him and I really hope we can fix this.

Synnen · Nov 18, 2009, 01:10 PM

Has he been to the doctor to rule out a physical problem?

OliviaMe · Nov 18, 2009, 01:13 PM

Never. Once he mentioned that he's worry with his look and everything. I already told him that I like him just the way he is. Can family problem caused this too?

Synnen · Nov 18, 2009, 01:36 PM

ANY kind of stress can cause a low libido.

He needs to see a doctor about it, to make SURE there are no physical problems (low testosterone often comes out in symptoms as a low sex drive).

Sounds like he also has a low self-esteem---which can MAJORLY lead to a lower sex drive.

I suggest that he see a counselor if the doctor rules out physical problems.

Gemini54 · Nov 18, 2009, 01:39 PM

Don't be deceived that this can be 'fixed' after you're married. Small problems at the start become huge problems at the end!

A low libido is not necessarily something that can be 'fixed'. People have low sex drives for a range of reasons, and sometime that's just how they are.

Be honest with yourself. You are already feeling angry and frustrated. Ask yourself if you can deal with 5, 10, 15 years of being with someone that does not satisfy you. Once every 2 months could become once every 2 years.