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oyoung05 · Nov 17, 2009, 05:29 AM

I need help explaining to my 4 year old daughter who her biological father is. I am married and my husband has been in her life since she was 9 months old so my husband is the only dad she know's and she loves him to pieces. The bio was not a part of my daughter life until I served him with adoption papers to sign over his rights then I got papers from his attorney seeking parenting time. I just don't know what words would work. Please help!

tickle · Nov 17, 2009, 05:57 AM

I don't think a four year old could take in the complexities of this situation. Although they do have a lot of comprehension, more then we think, you will have to be pretty basic in your explanation, but you will have to lay the ground works for a more advanced reason of why this man is coming into her life right now. I can understand that he wants to be part of his daughters life and now is a good time for him to make a difference. Two daddies isn't all that bad.

I can't tell you what to say to her, but I am sure you will find the words when the time comes.

Tick

ROLCAM · Nov 17, 2009, 05:57 AM

At the age of 4, your daughter is too young to
Be told the facts.
For now all you need do is explain to her that this new man loves her very much.
Just be patient and wait till she is about 18
And then if you are still alive you can tell her all the relevant facts.

ScottGem · Nov 17, 2009, 07:25 AM

Yes 4 is too young to understand the difference. You can explain that bio-dad is someone who knew her when she was a little baby, but has been away and wants to spend time with her. By 7 or 8 (wait until 18?? Ridiculous!! ) she should be able to understand this better.

You didn't ask, but I can also offer some advice for your legal issues. First, was paternity ever legally established? Second, was a child support order ever put in place? If so, has support ever been paid.

As for getting visitation, If he insists there is little you can do to stop it. But you can insist on supervised visits at first. And you can insist that he wait until she's older before telling her he daddy. Consult with your lawyer about this.

If you want to discuss the legal aspects of this further, please start a thread in the Family Law forum with the details I asked for. But one bit of advice. If he persists in asking for visitation, you should be filing for support. See how willing he is to block to the adoption if he has to pay for support.