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chnnker177 · Oct 27, 2009, 10:45 PM

Hi all,

I am dating a guy whom I have known for about a year but until recently we caught up and he asked me on an official date. We are both very busy with our schedules but we try to at least see each other once a week. He is a wonderful friend but he has a very active social life unlike myself who is dedicated to a busy career. He seems to be bored or maybe not that interested when we go out recently and I do not know why. We are not exclusive since we are on our fourth date. We only kiss on the cheek. :( help what should I do? Or maybe I am being paranoid? Is he playing the field or maybe taking it way too slow? Does he not like me? Or is he just confused or indecisive about being friends?

justcurious55 · Oct 27, 2009, 11:00 PM

Communication is key in any sort of relationship. He's the only person who can honestly answer any of those questions. Anyone else can only guess. Do you want this relationship to go anywhere? If so, you have to talk to him.

jordyadele · Oct 27, 2009, 11:06 PM

Be open with him. Honest questions like the one's you asked shouldn't get him offended or make him hate you. Being open about things is important and shows that you are serious, concerned, and honest. It also shows that you trust him enough to ask him. So don't keep these questions to yourself, ask him!

rockie100 · Oct 27, 2009, 11:11 PM

Do you see yourself with him? Are you 'into him' or would it be better to remain friends? Ask yourself... then ask him.

chnnker177 · Oct 28, 2009, 07:02 PM

Thanks guys, I appreciate your great input. I really like him and I would like a relationship with him. I am afraid I am pushing him too much too quickly. I mean he says he wants to focus on school as do I and we are both aware of that, so I don't know how to approach him, without being too pushy.

Thank you all

justcurious55 · Oct 28, 2009, 10:53 PM

Focusing on school is very important. So as long as you two stay on the same page that's good. Just be honest with. Tell him what you're thinking. Find out what he's thinking.

I wish · Oct 29, 2009, 05:55 AM

After 4 dates and knowing each other for 1 year, I'm sure you can ask him where he thinks this is headed. It's no fun to move forward if he doesn't feel the same way about you.

talaniman · Oct 29, 2009, 12:09 PM

Wanting a relationship after 4 dates? That's a bit much, and I would wait a lot longer to make such a decision. Maybe backing off and being less available would give you both a better perspective, but because he act board, doesn't mean he is.

Maybe its him that doesn't like the slow pace this is going at and wants you to give more or be more upfront. DON'T DO THAT. When dating stops being fun, its time to date someone else, or do something else, not rush into something.

Your not exclusive, so if he is playing the field, he has a right to, and so do you. Your getting fixated on one guy to fast, I think. 4 dates?

chnnker177 · Oct 30, 2009, 07:07 PM

Once again thank you guys

I appreciate the good advise, I believe that I will NOT fixate on him, as I have been and maybe be less available and let time take care of it. Its just so awkward to act as if nothing has happened when we have been dating. Lol I don't know if you guys have experienced that.
I am really not the type of girl that goes around dating many guys at the same time, so I guess you could say that I am a bit inexperienced, lol.

Thank you all!

Alty · Oct 30, 2009, 07:10 PM

Four dates, a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night, it isn't serious yet and as you said, you're not exclusive, nor should you be at this point.

Just talk to him, ask him where he thinks this is going, concentrate on school and just have fun.

You don't have to pick out the china on the 5th date. ;)

chnnker177 · Nov 8, 2009, 07:54 PM

Hey all

I have a follow up Q. how often should a guy call/text me after we have been out in four dates? Should I be worried he hasn't called for over a week? He may be pulling back?

Thanks as always I appreciate your responses!

rockie100 · Nov 8, 2009, 08:09 PM

You should feel free enough, after four dates, to call him... You won't know for what reason, if any, he hasn't called unless you ask. You could just call to say hello, and that you hope everything is well for him. It could be that he is sick. How did your last date go? Did he say he would call you?

chnnker177 · Nov 8, 2009, 08:29 PM

Wow, didn't think about it that way. Well, didn't want to be too forward or sound too desperate. Last date went well talked about things like our families, goals and what we are looking for in the other person. Had a good time, least I did. But we have only had messenger contact on exactly 6 days after our last date, he actually started the conversation. You could say I am very new to this. Don't date very much, and I don't want to ruin this nice thing that I have going on.
I guess a little call or maybe text would not hurt.
Don't want him to think I'm not interest or too desperate

Actually we agreed to go out 2 weeks after that date but didn't think he would not call. This is confusing

rockie100 · Nov 8, 2009, 08:46 PM

Just be yourself. If you had a nice time, and made plans to meet again, you have nothing to be worried about. Some guys just don't like sitting on the phone. (well, most guys don't.)
Also, he might just enjoy taking it slow. This is not a bad idea really. Enjoy getting to know each other. If a guy ever says 'goodnight, I'll see you later.' or 'I'll talk to you soon' trust that you will. Good luck!
Rockie

chnnker177 · Nov 8, 2009, 09:11 PM

Okay well thanks, that really helps, he did say he wants to take it slow. Wow this great.

Thanks again!

chnnker177 · Nov 15, 2009, 05:28 PM

Hello again... well last time we saw each other were going to supposedly hang out/go out again in the following week, but I have no idea what happened that he, out of the blue, did not call, no text, only one little I'm chat asking how I was doing and that was it. The day we were going to hang out... nothing. It kills me to think that this is all over, he probably is not really into me because I'm boring or something. I do know he has been going out with other women, but don't know who they are (friends, family or new girls) so this is really messed up now. I don't know what to do and I am completely sad and confused by his reaction. Is this normal? Does this happen when people date? Please someone help me figure this out... thanks in advance :(

chnnker177 · Nov 15, 2009, 05:31 PM

Oh and by the way... should I call him and ask him what's going on? Or would that be too desperate or not appropriate? I mean, at least I think I deserve an explanation... or should I assume its done and he has moved on?

(we were never exclusive)

2ndTime · Nov 15, 2009, 06:05 PM

chnnker177, Four dates does not equals automatic relationship. Sometimes, guys get scared when a woman acts too clingly. Just go on and do what you used to do or go out with your friends. If the guy asks you out again that's great, but communicate and try to find out whether he is really looking for a relationship or a friendship. It seems that after only four dates you expect him to act like he is your boyfriend. Maybe you want to go fast, but he wants to slow down and get to know you better. By the way, did you already slept with him? Hope you didn't give yourself before you get to know him better. I've read too many thread, where women gave herself too early in the relationship and later to find out that the guy was using her on the side. Be patient and slow things down and find out more about him.

chnnker177 · Nov 15, 2009, 06:20 PM

Oh no no no no, I didn't we barely have kissed! Haha, first date a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then a peck after that. No sleeping together here. :)

That's why I am so confused.. im starting to think that maybe that's the reason he doesn't want me anymore, because I am definitely not like that.

But then why would he hang out with other people and not even call or anything?
Well I am aware we are not exclusive, I mean is this normal? No contact in over two weeks?

2ndTime · Nov 15, 2009, 06:22 PM

Sleeping with a guy does not automatically make him want a girl. If he really liked you, he will pursue you even without sex. If you give yourself too early, the guy may think you are too easy and may decide to use you for sex only.