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marisa_anne · Oct 15, 2009, 01:52 PM

My daughter and her family and me and my husband live together. She and I were both invited to my cousin's bridal shower. We were unable to attend as young children were not invited. Gifts were sent with another member of the family. Everyone in the family received a wedding invitation, including my daughter and her husband. My husband and I were not addressed on their invite nor did we receive one. This is my 1st cousin's (who is deceased) only daughter. I will be sending a gift. Should I say something about not being invited or just let it be? And if so, how do I word it?

LisaB4657 · Oct 15, 2009, 01:56 PM

Have you tried calling her? Or having your daughter call her? Maybe they sent a separate invitation to you and your husband and made a mistake on the address. These things happen more often than you might think. It would be a shame to miss the wedding over a mistake like that.

Wondergirl · Oct 15, 2009, 01:58 PM

If you couldn't make it to the bridal shower because young children were not invited, perhaps they think you wouldn't come to the wedding either.

I would send a nice gift and card, and just let it be.

marisa_anne · Oct 15, 2009, 02:12 PM

My daughter sent a reply that they were unable to attend as they had a previous engagement. She was also contacted on FaceBook and was told that some invites went out late so the RSVP date was moved. At that time she explained that we had not received an invite. No answer was given. And the children are my daughter's, not mine.

Wondergirl · Oct 15, 2009, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by marisa_anne

My daughter sent a reply that they were unable to attend as they had a previous engagement. She was also contacted on FaceBook and was told that some invites went out late so the RSVP date was moved. At that time she explained that we had not received an invite. No answer was given. And the children are my daughter's, not mine.

Then I would call the bride to tell her you would love to come but haven't gotten an invitation yet.

marisa_anne · Oct 15, 2009, 02:47 PM

If it were only that easy. 1st - we have no current number for the bride and 2nd - the wedding is this Saturday. It was bad enough the invites that were received were received late - last week of September. We originally learned of the wedding (no date) from the bride's mother at a baby shower for another cousin in early August. Come to think of it, she made a strange comment after telling us there was going to be a wedding. That it was going to be mostly young people. I am the same age as her husband (if he were still alive - early 50's), and my Aunt is in her 70's. The Aunts and Uncles of the bride are all in their late 40's and early 50's, the same as me.

Wondergirl · Oct 15, 2009, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by marisa_anne

If it were only that easy. 1st - we have no current number for the bride and 2nd - the wedding is this Saturday. It was bad enough the invites that were received were received late - last week of September. We originally learned of the wedding (no date) from the bride's mother at a baby shower for another cousin in early August. Come to think of it, she made a strange comment after telling us there was going to be a wedding. That it was going to be mostly young people. I am the same age as her husband (if he were still alive - early 50's), and my Aunt is in her 70's. The Aunts and Uncles of the bride are all in their late 40's and early 50's, the same as me.

Hmmmm. I always think of weddings as family affairs. Wait for an announcement?

If I remember my etiquette correctly, anyone can go to a wedding. It's the reception that requires an invitation.

marisa_anne · Oct 15, 2009, 03:29 PM

Wedding and reception are by invite only. My sister who is not going because she is watching her granddaughter so her daughter can attend, offered me her invite, we declined at the time thinking we would eventually receive one. My biggest question is to I address the issue somehow tactfully when I send the gift so they are aware we did not receive one, or just forget it. If I am to address it, how? If you say send give and don't say anything, I'm afraid, my Aunt, who is the only relative (other then her children and grandchildren) I have left on my mother's side, will think we just blew it off.

Wondergirl · Oct 15, 2009, 03:39 PM

Originally Posted by marisa_anne

If I am to address it, how? If you say send give and don't say anything, I'm afraid, my Aunt, who is the only relative (other then her children and grandchildren) I have left on my mother's side, will think we just blew it off.

Call your aunt and tell her what happened? (or will that cause bad blood to flow?) Does the bride have a mother you could call? If you are on the guest list, they are probably wondering why you haven't RSVPed. Is there any family squabble going on that would have kept you from getting an invitation? Only younger relatives and friends being invited might be reason enough for the bride and groom.

If you send a gift and card without attending the wedding, just put a good spin on things by saying how much you would have loved to be at the wedding, but had never received an invitation. And then wish them a wonderful married life.

marisa_anne · Oct 15, 2009, 04:27 PM

Yes, calling my Aunt would probably stir things up. There is no bad blood that I am aware of. We were at another cousin's baby shower when we were told there was going to be a wedding. We were invited to the bridal shower and even though we were unable to attend, I sent a handmade bridal cap (worn for shower, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon) as well as a lovely memory maker wedding scrapbook. (Bride & Groom are not registered anywhere.) The reasoning of only inviting younger guests doesn't work either as I stated earlier, mose of the family members are in their 30's, 40's & 50's and my Aunt is in her 70's. I do like your suggestion of putting a spin on the situation and will do just that. Thank you for your assistance, you were very helpful. Not only did it allow me to vent a little but gave me a solution I can live with. Thanks again.