[gg23]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now. Things are great. Honestly, I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Things between us are fantastic, except for her parents. I just turned 27 and she is 22. She is hispanic and I am black. I get along pretty well with her older brother and his fiancé. The problem is her parents.
Let me elaborate on this issues a little bit. She dated this boy for 4 years before me. At first her parents gave her a hard time with him, but they finally accepted him. They basically took him in. they have been broken up for over a year now, but her parents still have the ex work for them and basically they are in love with him. About almost a year ago, I visited her bro and at that time he was leaving with my girls ex. He is really close to the parents and the brother... though he cheated and initiated the breakup, they still treat him like their own. Anyway, after their break up he started dating with the girl he cheated with for almost a year. Then moment I starting going out with my girl, this kid pretended that he was happy for her. I for one was and didn't t really see a problem with it. We talked a few times, but he then went on to tell her parents that I was 30 and that I have 2 kids, and that since I am from africa and possibly carry crazy diseases on and on... from that moment he basically gave me a bad name even before I met the parents... and since they love him and treat him as family, the parents think of me as a pest. I am a grad student and she is almost finished with her undergrad. Her parents heard about us and they went ballistic... her mom played the blame card on her and tried to make her choose me or family, telling her that she worries about her etc.. but she wouldn't fall for it... despite all of that she says that I make her happy and that she loves me and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me... her ex kept calling, texting trying to get her back but without success thus far. What do you guys make of this?.

[N0help4u]

She needs to see everything for what it is and not let her parents sway her. It sounds like they just want to control her. They didn't like the other guy then he cheats and they break up now all of a sudden they like him and believe whatever he says.
I wouldn't listen to them if I were her.
Sometimes it is better to just do what you want and not take into consideration what others think---including the parents.
It may take years but in time they will probably come around to accepting you.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-207004.html

You sure work fast, and seems you got out of one drama, and into another. If you, and your girl are real, (and you seem to be.), then I think you work with each other to overcome all these obstacles together.

Don't be part of everyone else's drama, just be happy together.

[gg23]

Thanks guys... we have been working together facing this. At the moment, since they are helping her with college, we decided that we should just keep them out of the loop until she is ready to stand alone things with her older brother however have progressed very well. We are hoping that with time, her parents will come around... her mom has tried to get in her head, trying to tell her that her dad is getting sick because of us and all she came come up with, but without luck... the ex is basically just jealous and immature and I don't concern myself with him... its funny he used to tell her that she would never find a guy as good as him... Boy did he get wrong when he saw me face to face... I actually kind of enjoyed seeing through him... killing himself inside when he saw us together... anyway guys thank you again for your advice... @ Taliman: I don't know drama somehow seems to follow me even when I try to avoid it. Thanks for being there for me the first time over when I first joined this site. Your advices truly enlightened me in so many ways...

[Jake2008]

I think one of the hardest things in a relationship is passing muster with 'the family'.

If they are not willing to accept you, there is nothing you can do but give them time. Let the comments go in one ear and out the other. They will eventually see the qualities that their daughter saw in you, and once they step up to that, the rest will be easy.

I was considered from 'the wrong side of the tracks', and although my boyfriends parents didn't say anything directly to my face, his mother did to my mother. They invited me to a little cottage for the weekend where they proceeded to put a huge piano outside my room, and the next night they put baby powder just outside my door. I kept my head up, and raked my boyfriend over the coals, but they didn't get the best of me.

The next serious boyfriend was from a strict family of Catholics, and natch, I wasn't Catholic. They tried everything they could to separate us.

Now it is 33 years later, and we are still together. I think the lessons learned with the first one made me strong enough to tackle the second one. Over time, my mother in law became my best friend even. A lovely woman, who sadly passed on a few years ago.

What I'm saying is that regardless of how they view you, you have the integrity inside you not to take the bait. Hold your head up, know that you are secure with your girlfriend, and put an invisible protective shield around both of you that will bounce all the negativity right back to them.

If you don't respond, and don't take any of it seriously (really, they are being ridiculous), then you won't stew about it, and you will eventually be accepted.

Best of luck to both of you.

[gg23]

Thank you Jake... it's always nice to get advice from someone who has been through the same thing before... advice truly appreciated