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peanut99 · Jul 30, 2009, 09:37 AM

UGH! I'm so confused! My ex boyfriend & I dated 2 years ago - he broke up with me because he cheated on me - told me "he didn't deserve me & wasn't into me anymore" only for me to find out from his friends that he had cheated when I went out of town. Even saw my gf's out at a bar & was like "i miss her sooo much". AND I had told him that if he ever cheated call it quits because I'd never take him back! But 2 years have passed & we've both matured... now I'm wondering if I want him back, if he's changed... After our break up, I was heart broke! I really loved this guy - only dated less than a year (I'm 26 now - he's 2 yrs younger)... Since the break up, I've gone on dates... I've had numerous guys like me (not being conceited) but haven't been able to connect w/ anyone like him! The thing is, he has continued to call/text randomly & always around the time when I'd start to really get over him for the past 2 yrs. And, never me initiating anything!! Well, I hadn't heard from him for about 7 months when he text me a few months back & said that his friend brought my name up in conversation & he was wondering how I was... how the fam was... how everything was going & that it might sound weird but he wanted to see me. So, I told him that'd be nice & we hung out. It was great - sparks flew - it was awesome! Then 2 weeks went by & really, nothing! I was like, God, I thought this was different?! He was making changes - new job, moved to another place (did I mention he used to be a bartender & I am one @ a diff place) & really, sincerely apologized about the past - I told him things happen for a reason & it was prob for the best. So, I emailed him asking him basically WHY he contacted me? & told him that I'm not sure what I want but that I felt if I didn't give this a chance then I'd regret it 10 yrs from now. He emailed back stating the same - but that he was afraid to call/text. So we have communicated since then, things have been OK (not great by any means). We are both busy - he just got a new puppy - lives 25 min away - I have 2 jobs... but you make time if you really like someone, right? I'd be willing to!! But I want him to really want me back?? If that makes sense... sorry this is a NOVEL ;) We hung out this past week again & it was great... again! I text him something funny on tues & got NO RESPONSE. I was like, really? Not going to play games. So... am I missing the signs that he isn't that into me? He is always like "my mom always asks about you!" & even told me when he was drunk that "i was the one that got away"... So, I have a wedding this weekend & my cousin & her boyfriend are going to be downtown (where he lives) & they want me to meet up w/ them... I was going to ask him?? Or should I wait for him to text/call?? I'm just frustrated! Any advice would be appreciated!! THANKS! Should I let this go? Move on?

kctiger · Jul 30, 2009, 09:41 AM

As a guy, if I want a girl I will make it more than clear to her. You have never moved on and never given yourself a chance to develop other positive relationships as you have carried his baggage throughout your break up. That isn't fair to you and any other person you date.

If he wanted you back that bad, he would act like it. Let his actions do the talking and forget what he says.

peanut99 · Jul 30, 2009, 09:48 AM

Yeah... it's true! Totally appreciate a guy's perspective! I guess in the back of my mind I always wonder & thus, in return, aren't giving other guys a chance - AND, the one I did give a chance to ended up getting back w/ his ex... ha! So, I'm going to see if he actually FOLLOWS THROUGH & not listen to all the "talk" & swooning he does when we are together. Thanks :)

kctiger · Jul 30, 2009, 09:50 AM

Us guys are a pretty simple breed of species... sometimes we can be complicated, but when it comes to women it is ordinarily plain as day as to what we want.

88sunflower · Jul 30, 2009, 09:53 AM

I agree if he wanted you back I think it would be obvious to you. It's a possibility he just wanted to see where you were in life and if you have moved on. Or maybe he was just hoping for something physical. I don't think I would go there again since your already questioning it. Just be happy to be friends in passing and leave it at that. Find someone and move on. If you fall in love again you may realize after all he wasn't the one for you.

peanut99 · Jul 30, 2009, 10:00 AM

Yes, I def appreciate the advice! But, why even communicate w/ me?? Why not let me go?? Why say you want to see me?? That I don't understand. I don't see my other ex bf's & say that stuff - I have had 2 other pretty serious relationships & am sincerely happy for of them & I know 1 is in relationship. But when I talk to my friends, I don't think, God, I really want to see 'so-in-so' because I have moved on.?

xadmin · Jul 30, 2009, 11:32 AM

Wait, did he break up with you or you broke up with him?

As a guy, I might be afraid to get too serious because I don't want to drive the girl away

paxe · Jul 30, 2009, 11:33 AM

I would understand what is going on in his head. I play games from time to time with girls, but I only play game with them if I'm not totally interested. I know it's wrong but girls have done this numerous time to me ( though I understand this is not an excuse ). He is just stringing you along and playing with you, a lot of guys do that if they are not 100% into a girl. YOU should get NC and heal. It's been 2 years already stop all contact and grow some! (said it in the most respectful and sweet way :D )

88sunflower · Jul 30, 2009, 12:07 PM

Ya 2 years is a long time. Just leave it behind and heal. Maybe he is happy you have no one else and he feels stringing you on will keep you single. I am sure it would sting a bit if you had moved on and were happy.

peanut99 · Jul 30, 2009, 12:34 PM

He broke up with me... Oh, this sucks! I know I need to let go & move on... why can't I just get over him? I am honestly not trying to be conceited but I have like 6 guys that are asking me out but I want NONE of them! NONE! I'm just really sociable + I work at a bar!! So, I meet a TON of people. I'm super outgoing - so, it isn't like I'm sitting at home depressed that he isn't texting/calling... so wtfreak is my problem?? Do you think I can't get over him because he broke up w/ me? But, I really do still like him. SO with all that rambling said... I'm really going to TRY & move on... oh, this sucks! I wish my head could tell my heart to turn off!! I wish I could treat my ex like I treat all the other guys that like me... "treat the one you like, like the one you don't like" - isn't that the phrase?!

kctiger · Jul 30, 2009, 12:39 PM

My girlfriend of 5 years ended it with me and I was still madly in love with her... I eventually got over it, as you will soon do. Takes time and a lot of effort.

peanut99 · Jul 30, 2009, 12:47 PM

Thanks kctiger! I know it's possible!! I dated a guy for 3 yrs & broke up w/ him but still had fealings for him (took me about a year) so, if he texts should I try to ignore them?

peanut99 · Jul 30, 2009, 12:49 PM

p.s. I sincerely appreciate Everyone's responses!! Thanks!! And apologize for asking 100? s

kctiger · Jul 30, 2009, 12:54 PM

I would find a way to block his number entirely. If that isn't an option for you then delete his texts before you read them. Change his name to some celebrity you hate so you won't be tempted to pick up...

xadmin · Jul 30, 2009, 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by peanut99

thanks kctiger! i know it's possible!!! I dated a guy for 3 yrs & broke up w/ him but still had fealings for him (took me about a year) so, if he texts should i try to ignore them??

Ignore it if you want to heal. He is testing the water and keep you around as a friend and back up. If he wants to go out with you again, he would have contacted you more. I say stay away and heal a bit. He will call again.

overayear · Jul 30, 2009, 04:14 PM

I am having mix thoughts here, I don't know if a completely agree with everyone. He might be trying to take things slow, he might be really busy. I mean to automatically say to block him from your phone or to not speak to him is a little much in my opnion. I would give it a little bit of time and if nothing comes out of it then I would say to block him and move on.

COCADA · Jul 30, 2009, 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

My girlfriend of 5 years ended it with me and I was still madly in love with her...I eventually got over it, as you will soon do. Takes time and a lot of effort.

How long did it take you to get over her? Were you in contact after breaking up?

peanut99 · Jul 30, 2009, 05:40 PM

But agree that I should NOT text him to see if he wants to go to this wedding sat?? I mean I'm 26! I'm not 16 playing games... we've dated before... why the games... I'm so annoyed! We hung out this past Sunday... great night hangin at a nice wine place downtown on the patio... then he text me ALL day Monday... even like "you should be at my place when i get off work - i wanna see you" - but of course, I didn't because I had to work (& thought, wow, that's a little too soon)... then I text him tues at lunch something funny that happened (& something only WE would get) & I got NO RESPONSE & haven't heard from him... granted it is only Thursday... am I over-reacting? Last week he text/called wed up until Sunday... this is why I'm confused?? So should I see how this wkend plays out... I really like him... my head says move on... & it isn't like I'm NOT letting myself meet & talk to other guys... but my heart says him... UGH!!

kctiger · Jul 31, 2009, 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by COCADA

How long did it take you to get over her? Were you in contact after breaking up?

Took me around 8 months to completely get over her... and I mean COMPLETELY. Lots of pain, tears and emotions in between that time, and no, I probably had about 5 times in that period where I was actually in contact with her. Haven't talked to her in at least three months now, and she actually has a birthday coming up in two weeks.

COCADA · Jul 31, 2009, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Took me around 8 months to completely get over her...and I mean COMPLETELY. Lots of pain, tears and emotions in between that time, and no, I probably had about 5 times in that period where I was actually in contact with her. Haven't talked to her in at least three months now, and she actually has a birthday coming up in two weeks.

But you didn't send her texts all the time and stuff, rite? After those 8 months did you still missed her? I am asking you these questions because in trying to understand whet I am going through. I am not sure if what I am doing and feeling is normal.