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Cheyanne_loves · Jul 21, 2009, 09:13 AM

Heyy everyone, I have been with me boyfriend tim for almost 2 years. We met on the internet and I moved down here too be with him. He cares about me very much and can be very sweet. He always makes sure I'm happy and I get what whatever makes me happy, but when he is angry he can be slightly abusive... I know right didn't see that coming... but I don't know what to do... despite who good he is, we disagree about a lot of things and he can be abusive twards me. The only thing holding me back is the fact that I'm always thinking about him when he's not around and I just feel like I need him. Should I leave him and move on?:confused:

crisluvsu731 · Jul 21, 2009, 09:24 AM

Wow, I am going through pretty much the same thing. Is he abusive physically or mentally?

If it is physically then you need to get out now.

If it is mentally and you think he is worth is, I would separate and go stay with a friend ( I am telling myself this as well!) for a while, and tell him that you need counseling or the relationship just won't work.

We were down to me leaving for good and he promised he would get counseling several times and when he saw my stuff packed up, he made the appointment right away, lets see if he keeps it. It's on Thursday, if he doesn't I am gone, for real this time.

You can't live your life walking on egg shells to make sure he is happy. You are the only person that you need to worry about. You can change you for the better, but he is the only one who can change himself. I would suggest you getting counseling as well, if he won't, at least you will be as well.

Good luck and best wishes!!

swro · Jul 21, 2009, 09:55 AM

I'm very sorry that you're going through this. It's NEVER okay for him to be abusive to you. Not even when you've done something that may have "upset him." You say that he makes sure that you get "whatever makes you happy..." and that he's "very sweet." However, have you considered that maybe he's giving you things to make up for his guilty conscious? It seems to me that people who abuse their partners are often very "sweet" and tend to act loving and overly doting to in some way "justify" their previous actions. It's also common for the person who is being abused to feel dependent on their abuser. Plus, since you moved from your old life to be with him (granted I'm not sure how far you moved to be with him)- chances are that he's one of the only people you really know in the area and see all of the time. If the only thing holding you back is that you think about him all the time when he's around and that you feel like you need him- I'd suggest seriously thinking about cutting ties. Not one single person on this planet deserves to be abused physically or mentally. Maybe you could call up some friends or family from where you moved so you have someone who knows you personally to shed some light on the situation and remind you just how amazing and special you are, and to help you help yourself out of this potentially dangerous situation. Physical violence has a tendency to escalate, and you never know when it could go too far (and in my opinion, it already has). It sounds like he is the one that needs help, and you need to do what's in your best interest, and get out while you can. You deserve to be happy all the time- not just when your boyfriend decides that he's in a good mood and wants to be nice to you. I hope that this helped a little, and I hope that you can make the best decision for you.

swro · Jul 21, 2009, 10:00 AM

***another thing: if you do in fact decide to leave him, please make sure you tell some people about it and have people to help you in your decision and move. If you just tell him that you're up and leaving, his anger might get the better of him. Maybe call a doctor/ psychiatrist or a counselor of some sort that can help you. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) for advice and help with your escape.

liz28 · Jul 21, 2009, 10:49 AM

I think it is time for you get out while your still capable to.

I don't care how good he treats you or what he does for you-- he is abusive. And he can't be treating you that g
Well if he can abuse someone he loves. He is suppose cherish you not hurt you intentionly.

All abusers can be sweet especially after they abused you. Your worth more than this and it should be enough for you to live before it gets worst.

It might be time to call home and start your journey back home. Don't stay and enable his behavior nor accept it. It isn't love because love doesn't involved abused. Yes, you might have disagreements and problems but a real man knows when to walk away and they wouldn't lay a hand on you to hurt you. Now a coward will.

Holly23 · Jul 21, 2009, 10:56 AM

This is simple.Hes a bad habbit that you can't break,like smoking.Oh wait,you can break habbits!

Torrid13 · Jul 21, 2009, 11:01 AM

This question is like asking, "I got a dog that keeps biting me and making me bleed...CAN I KEEP HIM?!"

The answer? No.

As Liz said, get out while you still can. Things are just going to get worse with this guy, especially because he'll get even more comfortable with you and know how much you'll put up with (which seems to be a lot right now!).

There are plenty of men out there that would love to be kind and sweet to you WITHOUT abusing you.

Kick this guy to the curb, heal up, and have the time of your life sans abuse. Sounds like a plan to me!

I wish · Jul 21, 2009, 12:02 PM

You're hanging on to the good things about him and realizing but kind of overlooking the bad things.

Recognizng the bad things is a first step. The second step is to tell him your concerns and to see if he's going to change. Seeing that he hasn't really changed, the third step is to either accept him for who he is or break up.

I'm sorry to say, but it doesn't sound like you're happy and one of the main reasons to be in a relationship is happiness. Don't allow yourself to suffer anymore. Make it a clean break and find someone who isn't abusive and is going to make you happy.

88sunflower · Jul 21, 2009, 12:15 PM

I think the fact that you came to this site for help you already know the abuse isn't right. Emotional or physical. Why would you leave all that you know from where ever you moved to stay with an abuser. Has he treated you "sweet" enough to make it all worth it? I don't think so. I was born and raised in the 518 area ( noticed that's where you said you were ) its has gone down hill. The prisons have come in and a lot of not good people are around now. Just becareful. Start your journey back home and be happy. Your not happy I can see it in your words.

jennica90 · Jul 21, 2009, 01:53 PM

If he's mentally then try to tell him to back off because he's hurting your feelings, if he's physically then get out while you still can and seek a women's center right away.

Ivory0921 · Jul 21, 2009, 02:33 PM

If he's abusing you physically - pack your bags and GO.
If it's mentally, perhaps you two lack communication. Does he know how bad this is making you feel? If not, try letting him know. Maybe he doesn't even have the slightest clue how this is affecting you. Since it looks like you are pretty into him, try to work it out. Communication is key. If after all this you still don't see changes, you should start thinking of a way out. Sooner or later, if this keeps up, you'll be wondering why you're so unhappy and you'll probabaly be back on here asking "Should I break up with him NOW?".

Oh and by the way, you do not NEED any man to be happy.

Romefalls19 · Jul 21, 2009, 02:39 PM

Leave, abusive behavior will only get worse the longer you enable it.

Cheyanne_loves · Jul 22, 2009, 02:57 AM

Originally Posted by crisluvsu731

Wow, I am going through pretty much the same thing. Is he abusive physically or mentally?

If it is physically then you need to get out now.

If it is mentally and you think he is worth is, I would seperate and go stay with a friend ( I am telling my self this as well!) for a while, and tell him that you need counseling or the relationship just won't work.

We were down to me leaving for good and he promised he would get counseling several times and when he saw my stuff packed up, he made the appointment right away, lets see if he keeps it. It's on Thursday, if he doesn't I am gone, for real this time.

You can't live your life walking on egg shells to make sure he is happy. You are the only person that you need to worry about. You can change you for the better, but he is the only one who can change himself. I would suggest you getting counseling as well, if he won't, at least you will be as well.

Good luck and best wishes!!!

Thank you for you advice I apreciate every word of it

Cheyanne_loves · Jul 22, 2009, 03:01 AM

Heyy everyone again... I just wanted to add into my other question that, I have moved from New York to virginia, and I have never been like this before I met him but of course when he does things to me (abuse) I do it right back... the abuse is more twards the emotional side but that does rule out the phisical. He is just so amazing in my eyes he does bad mean things but I just love him so much and ijdk... but thank you to all the people that have answered or commented my last question I apreciate every word of it:)

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 22, 2009, 03:37 AM

From your last post you want to get pregnant. I would recommend waiting until your boyfriend gets help!