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jaybird12389 · Jul 9, 2009, 02:40 AM

I have been with my girlfriend for over two years, we are pretty much each others firsts both sexually and serious relationship wise; and we have been going out since high school and just finished our first year of college . During our relationship I had talked about possibly taking a break just to experience life but as with a lot of things that thought fell away and I really didn't care about taking a break.
As summer approached we both knew we wouldn't see each other much because she works at a camp in New Hampshire for the summer and I'm taking summer school classes in southwestern united states. Well just before I was to leave she brought back up the taking a break thing and while I wasn't really all that into it I figured she was since she brought it up so I agreed to take a break.
She recently told me she made out with a guy which didn't bother me as much as the fact that I heard she was the instigator of this encounter, which got my mind racing. I asked her about it and she said that she loves me a lot and is taking this break for her so she can make sure Im what she wants since she definitely sees her self having a future with me. She wants to make sure she has no regrets if we do have a future and reason better now than after we get serious. The break also seems like it might last nito the next school year because I think she wants to expeirence another relationship to have something to compare to ours.
How should I take what she is doing, what does it really mean? What should I do in response to her actions?

N0help4u · Jul 9, 2009, 02:56 AM

You need to take this break the same as you would a break up and not really focus on one day you are getting back together.
She may decide to change her mind and feel she really likes someone else or something.

To me taking a break like this is not much different than if you were more into the relationship and she ran across someone she really thought was hot and so decided she needed to get to know him so she wants a break. In a way it is good to find out now but when she comes back she can't be pulling this on you when she feels like it.

You know the saying about if someone leaves and comes back then you know it was meant to be. Hopefully that is the case with you and her.

I wouldn't put my life on hold for too long though.

slapshot_oi · Jul 9, 2009, 05:04 AM

You are absolutely right, she does want another relationship so she can have something to compare her past relationships with. Don't you?

You're both in college, you have another three years to go. It's best to experience these years single. Plus, living that far away in the summer doesn't lend itself to a healthy relationship, long distance relationships are doable, but it takes a lot of patience.

This is a break-up, an amicable one, so just tell her that she's right and that you guys should go your own ways and just have fun at college. And stay out of contact with her for a while.

And she did cheat on you, albeit very minor, it's still cheating.

N0help4u · Jul 9, 2009, 05:58 AM

In a sense it can be considered cheating if you two really plan on getting back together. But you are broke up and may never get back together so some would not consider it cheating since you are broke up technically and may not even ever get back together.

jaybird12389 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:21 AM

Thanks for all the input so far as of right now we are far away but when school starts we will only be 1 and 30 hours apart if that makes a difference. I understand I should be glad to have a break and at one point I probably proposed this same thing its just at this stage I feel like I want her and it would be hard for me to put my heaart into finding someone else if I'm still into her.

Torrid13 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:33 AM

This her "nice" way of saying, "We don't have a future and I'm going elsewhere."

She made out with another guy! I mean, yeah you're on break, but if she did it to "think of you" and ya'lls future together, she wouldn't have made out with a guy. You're not high on her priority list, buddy.

Also, this happens a lot when people that started dating in high school go to college. They get new friends, new lives, and they grow apart. Not necessarily bad, but it does hurt in most cases.

Anyway, you should move on with your life. While she's off pretending she cares about you, you'll be making good grades, going out with friends, and eventually gettting into a relationship where the girl actually has backbone.

Good luck.

jaybird12389 · Jul 9, 2009, 11:01 AM

I would really like to hope she doesn't feel that way truly about me but I can see that as a possibility. I don't think its completely that way because from talking to her and the people she has talked to she is just scared off because we are getting close to the age of commitment being a big possibility and we are serious( or we were). She just doesn't want to have what ifs lurking in her brain if we commit to each other for good. Then again love is about not wanting to bee with anyone else its all very confusing.

makapuu · Jul 9, 2009, 12:27 PM

I think you are in a relationship of convenience. As long as you are in the same place, doing the same thing, you are together. When you are apart, you want to take a break.
Personalities change during the summer when you transition from serious-full-time-student, to do-my-own-thing-on-summer-break.

davett · Jul 9, 2009, 02:01 PM

Sorry dude, but a break is just the build up to a break up. Prepare yourself. All you can do is let her have all the space she wants, get on with your life and see if she misses you and comes back

jaybird12389 · Jul 9, 2009, 02:13 PM

I kind of know this break is essentially going to be a break up but I get from her that its not a permanent one (probably) and she is just taking it to find her self and make sure there is nothing better. Should I just be like screw you and walk away?

davett · Jul 9, 2009, 02:16 PM

I wouldn't read too much into the reasons, fact is she wants a break and having seious doubts about the relationship and probably had doubts for a while. I wouldn't say screw you. But just let her do what she wants, don't contact her and look to move on. See if she misses you. Leave things on good terms. She may come round. But don't put all your eggs in the basket thinking she will. If you start pressuring her then you will ljust push her further away. Show you respect her and give her all the space she wants.

You are both quite young and at the age where you want to experience lots of things and change.

sully123 · Jul 9, 2009, 03:21 PM

Let her be jaybird, its what she wants. I don't think she wants to hurt you, seems like she is trying to let you down easy. Give her the space she wants. Go on with your own life and if its meant to be, it will happen. Your both young and in different states. Keep it light when you talk to her without putting any pressure on her. Tell her your there for her, as a friend, but your not putting your life on hold for her..