Check out some similar questions!

mattmogg22 · Jan 8, 2009, 09:27 AM

Hi all,
I have been seeing my girlfriend for the last 6 years. Three of these years she was at university and we held a long distance relationship. She came back from Uni in June last year and we enjoyed a nice summer together. Everything seemed to be OK over christmas and I enjoyed christmas day around her parents house. On Monday she came over and stated that she doesn't think she feels the same way as she used to and does't know if she loves me. She asked me for a two week break to try and think about it. She also told me the dreaded cliché that she loves me as a friend. I feel totally torn up inside about this and can't sleep or anything. I just want her back. I perhaps did give her enough attention when we were going out but I really want to change this now and give it my all. I understand that she might be at a cross roads in her life and I understand that she might not see our futures together for ever. All I want to do is show her I can be different and I can show her a good time and I don't want to get married or anything yet.
What do I do now? Do I respect her space and not contact her for two weeks or shall I contact her at the weekend to ask how she is feeling? Its like mental torture at the moment I really hate being stuck in limbo and just need to know if I should move on etc. This is the hardest thing that has ever happened to me and I know it is our first major relationship but do you think there is anyway I can save it? I love her so much but don't want to appear to needy. Should I contact her or (as I know but don't want to admit) should I just wait until she conacts me?

ZoeMarie · Jan 8, 2009, 09:41 AM

You need to wait until she contacts you. She asked for space because she needs it. Grant her that space and when she talks to you again, tell her how you feel. Just take it day by day, and hang in there. Keep in mind breaks can be permanent so if you don't hear from her in the next couple weeks it's time to move on.

mattmogg22 · Jan 8, 2009, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

you need to wait until she contacts you. she asked for space because she needs it. grant her that space and when she talks to you again, tell her how you feel. just take it day by day, and hang in there. keep in mind breaks can be permanent so if you don't hear from her in the next couple weeks it's time to move on.

Thank you. She definitely told me she will contact me in two weeks but how does she know what I am going through? Surely a text just to say "How are you feeling?" is going to be all right or do you think it will be more damaging?

spitvenom · Jan 8, 2009, 09:51 AM

Hey Matt, Don't text her Seems like she wants to go a full two weeks with out you. If you text her it will damage things. She is asking for the two weeks give it to her. It's hard but just try to find something to do. Hang out with some friends do anything to keep your mind off her.

ZoeMarie · Jan 8, 2009, 09:53 AM

She needs to know what it's like to miss you, so let her miss you. If you're texting her and calling her she won't get to feel that.

Wondergirl · Jan 8, 2009, 10:06 AM

And remember -- THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! So stop kicking yourself over what you could have should have would have done. This is all about her, not you.

Give her the two weeks with NC.

mattmogg22 · Jan 8, 2009, 10:06 AM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

she needs to know what it's like to miss you, so let her miss you. if you're texting her and calling her she won't get to feel that.

Do you think this signals the end of the relationship. Has anyone recovered from a "break"?

Wondergirl · Jan 8, 2009, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by mattmogg22

Do you think this signals the end of the relationship. Has anyone recovered from a "break"??

Think of it as The End, and be pleasantly surprised if it isn't.

ZoeMarie · Jan 8, 2009, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Think of it as The End, and be pleasantly surprised if it isn't.

Exactly my thoughts. Prepare for the worst.

kctiger · Jan 8, 2009, 10:57 AM

I'll be your huckleberry. I think this does signal the end, and to be frank, she most likely has been thinking about this for a LONG time. It hurts her just as much, so don't for one second think this is harder on you than her, she has just had more time to give it thought. For you, this is new and unbelievable.

Give her the space. As a boyfriend, and friend, you should ALWAYS try and do what you are asked. I honestly think she knows or feels that you two are over. You were long distance for awhile, so it isn't like she has never gone without seeing you for two weeks time. I hope I am wrong, but for your sake, see it in my light so you aren't in even more pain and shock if I am not.

Start preparing for the worst, and use these two weeks to do things and find things that you may enjoy... things that may fill the void of not having a girlfriend. Do not call or contact her, and do not lay around in self pitty or fear/doubt right now. Prove to yourself that you can handle any decision she may throw at you, and be ready to deal with it. Good luck!

RogerNapalm · Jan 8, 2009, 11:12 AM

Don't call her. Don't text her. Make yourself busy, like work out everyday, go see a comedy, hang out with friends.

I'm going through a pretty similar situation right now, and I have just been keeping my mind busy so that I don't dwell on it.

lizbeth2009 · Jan 8, 2009, 11:43 AM

I know this hard, but I think that the relationship is coming to an end. Remember the good times and move on. There are two ways a relationship ends, marriage or a break-up. All of the relationships that end in break-ups prepare you for the one that will end up in marriage. Take your time to heal and know that life goes on! Be strong!

mattmogg22 · Jan 9, 2009, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by lizbeth2009

I know this hard, but I think that the relationship is coming to an end. Remember the good times and move on. There are two ways a relationship ends, marriage or a break-up. All of the relationships that end in break-ups prepare you for the one that will end up in marriage. Take your time to heal and know that life goes on! Be strong!

Thank you all for your advice. I know that everyone is stating that I should not call her but I am going to in about 2 hours time. I am going to just ask her how she feels. I am also going to tell her how much I have changed for her even in the last week. I just feel that I need to talk to her before she goes out with her friends who will no doubt try and convince her that the single life is better. I just need to show her what I can offer her but I will not be pushy. I will let you all know how it goes but I just feel I have nothing to lose now. Its now or never!

kctiger · Jan 9, 2009, 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by mattmogg22

I am also going to tell her how much I have changed for her even in the last week.

Fact Sheet:

1) No one changes in a weeks time, NO ONE! It takes a LOT of time to actually change behaviour that is hard wired into your personality.

2) She does not care about your "change." Real change does not take place with words, but with actions. If you truly have changed, show it, don't tell it to someone.

3) NEVER change something about yourself merely just to make someone else happy... do it for your own well being, and hopefully that can have a positive impact on relationships you have or will have in the future.

RogerNapalm · Jan 9, 2009, 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by mattmogg22

Thank you all for your advice. I know that everyone is stating that I should not call her but I am going to in about 2 hours time. I am going to just ask her how she feels. I am also going to tell her how much I have changed for her even in the last week. I just feel that I need to talk to her before she goes out with her friends who will no doubt try and convince her that the single life is better. I just need to show her what I can offer her but I will not be pushy. I will let you all know how it goes but I just feel I have nothing to lose now. Its now or never!

Don't do it dude. Don't do it

mattmogg22 · Jan 9, 2009, 07:18 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Fact Sheet:

1) No one changes in a weeks time, NO ONE!! It takes a LOT of time to actually change behaviour that is hard wired into your personality.

2) She does not care about your "change." Real change does not take place with words, but with actions. If you truly have changed, show it, don't tell it to someone.

3) NEVER change something about yourself merely just to make someone else happy...do it for your own well being, and hopefully that can have a positive impact on relationships you have or will have in the future.

I have changed. I have been running every day, I haven't smoked for a week, I have sorted things out in MY head, I have sorted out my priorities. Surely if I tell her this then she will have something to chew on rather than her thinking I am not going to do anything to save our relationship. Its not like I am stating that my personality has changed more over its just my lifestyle.

The only harm I can see it doing is if she doesn't answer or hangs up on me. I really need to do something to put me out of my misery and just get on with my life if she doesn't want me.

Has anyone had an experience when they were called on a break? Did it do anything or start to make you think? Really want to know some real life scenarios.

kctiger · Jan 9, 2009, 07:23 AM

If she initiated the break, you calling her and telling her how much you have changed will only drive her away further. You need to keep on "changing" and improving upon your lifestyle, and IF she calls, then deal with it then. The changes you are making are health changes that will have a lasting effect on the rest of your life, not the least of which is the possible reconciliation of your current relationship.

I got back together with my ex after a break, but the same problems came up and we ended up breaking up for good. Yes, breaks do often lead to getting back together, but in the end it usually doesn't last long term.

450donn · Jan 9, 2009, 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And remember -- THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! so stop kicking yourself over what you coulda shoulda woulda done. This is all about her, not you.

Give her the two weeks with NC.

Actually I think it is his fault. 6 years in a relationship without any real commitment is long enough. Maybe she got tired of waiting for him to ask to marry her?

mattmogg22 · Jan 9, 2009, 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by 450donn

Actually I think it is his fault. 6 years in a relationship without any real commitment is long enough. Maybe she got tired of waiting for him to ask to marry her?

Its not true, she really doesn't want to be married and hae kiddies yet. She has just finished UNI can you tell me anyone who wants to settledown straight after uni without establishing a true life path? Trust me I would have married her but she is only 23 and she is just at a cross roads in her life and doesn't know what direction to take.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 9, 2009, 07:50 AM

mattmogg22... you have to refrain from calling her.

Calling her will only drive her away. I'm going to take two routes.

1: she wants to break up with you, and is trying to make this easier on you. If that's the case, you calling her will slightly annoy her and confirm that you are not the right one for her. You calling her and telling her all these wonderful things, well... that only shows her your pathetic side. She won't think, "Wow, he's changed, I love him!" when in fact, you probably have done nothing wrong.

2: She is back and forth about wanting to get back with you... and doesn't know yet. Well, you calling her will interrupt her thinking process. You calling her and being the sad puppy dog... will definitely affirm that you are not the right one for her.

... get the point? You have to show her that you CAN live without her, and that you're OK without her. Strangely enough, women go for that.

If you want, read this:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-161688.html

It's my version of your story. It's super duper long. Should keep you off the phone for a while.