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lghburle · Jun 28, 2009, 01:30 PM

I am the mother of the 21 girl who has had no relationships just friend guys. An outside source recommended her to his friend who just got divorced last year and has a 1 year old and 5 year old. My daughter is in college and is vey spoiled to not sharing. She has another set of friends who are pushing this because the guy is a good guy. However, my daughter and I have been so close and we are having major disputes. The other people can't understand they should not have influenced the relationship. My daughter does not realize the children will be first in the guy's life-which would only be right-and the ex-wife would always be there. I tried t o explain that she could not just throw the children to the side like she does her dog. She cried this past week for me to go to the dentist with her, and she thinks she can handle a ready made family. I want her to experience life and make life with another together and to learn together family responsibilities. I don't want her to go into a relationship where she will be put on the backburner. She has been a good kid and to me she doesn't deserve this type of relationship. Should I just back off and let her see if it will be a mistake as so many others have in this type of relationship? I

redhed35 · Jun 28, 2009, 01:42 PM

Hello,as a mother your instinct is to protect,you see the pitfalls in this relationship because you have experience.
We all want the best for our children,at 21 and in college your daughter is already making choices and decisions about her life,and although your close they are possibly things she has not told you.
The time has come for her to stand on her own feet,she will make mistakes,and get hurt and learn from them,as I did and as you did.
You will never stop worrying,and she will always need you.
Giving her the chance to pursue her own decisions,hopes and relationships will serve to create a woman who can stand on her own feet,and knowing she has a mother who has her best interests at heart will come into its own when/if she comes for advice and some TLC.

chuff · Jun 28, 2009, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by lghburle

I tried t o explain that she could not just throw the children to the side like she does her dog.

What do you mean by this? Why is she mistreating her dog?

lghburle · Jun 28, 2009, 06:07 PM

She doesn't abuse the dog. The only way she got the dog was that it was to be hers to deal with. I have a dog and did not want another one to deal with training or anything. So, she goes out, dog has gotten close to me because I am the one to feed it and clean up. She closes the door when he wants her up early in the morning. I have tried to explain children are number one-you can't push them to the side. She is used to being no. 1 and she would come in second which is only right. She thinks that she would have priority and how wrong she is!

chuff · Jun 28, 2009, 06:22 PM

Part of me says she should get into the relationship for life experience but if she can't even understand taking care of a dog this might be too much for her. What does she want, it doesn't seem clear if she even wants to get inolved or if she was sort of cohearsed into the situation.