[mlalla]

How to overcome insecurity. The constant concern people like you and why you feel to blame for things gone wrong.

[mudweiser]

The first thing you need to do is have the "want" to work on it. You can say "I want to change"- but do you want to work on it?

After deciding you do indeed want to get out of this rut. I would like you to sit in front of a mirror with a pen and a notebook. I want you to write all the things that you dislike about yourself from your hair to a characteristic.

Now after writing it all down; I want you to say out loud looking at the mirror all the things you hate about yourself- with an exception. Here's an example:

"I hate my butt"

I want you to say "I love my butt"

"I hate how angry I am"

I want you to say "I am no longer an angry person. I am delightful to be around".

This is only the first step: accepting yourself.


The second step is doing something about it.

Don't like your body; start excercising. Eat healthier.

Read self-help books.

Socialize. Be outside more.

Begin a hobby.

Good luck, AMHD is here for support.

Sarah

[pipesmokingman]

hi , this constant " insecurity" business is something that is basically other peoples problem , they don't like you ? - their problem - things going wrong? Get your head round it , things go wrong , its part of life , learn to deal with it!

look , sorry if this sounds harsh , BUT if you let people and THEIR opinions rule your life , then you are going to be one very screwed up individual! - you are unique , you are you , you have strengths and weaknesses same as everyone else , again learn to live with them

we now live in a society that is obsessed with looks , materialistic things , and being popular , I will hazard a guess you are fairly young , ( as when you get to my age you learn that most peoples opinions of you ain't worth much ) , because I hear young people obsessing about this sort of stuff all the time - there are 2 types of people in the world the "individual" and the "sheepole" ( sheep -people) , individuals think for themselves take responsibility for their lives and actions and worry little about others opinions of them

sheepole , constantly obsess about their looks , how many friends they THINK they have ( if you find half a dozen REAL friends in life consider yourself lucky ) and a whole lot of other stuff which at the end of the day is irrelevant

so basically you have to ask yourself - do "I" want to be an individual that people value for MY unique personality and talents - or just one of the heard?

sure if you go down the heard route - then you may think and feel popular , BUT ( BIG BUT ) you will learn as you get older that a lot of so called friends are FALSE , they just want to use you for their own ends , trust me on this I have been where you are , but made a conscious decision a long time ago to be ME , and although I am not overly popular , I at least can say to the world " here I am , take me as I am - warts and all " , people who are WORTH bothering with in life will see this and value you , the rest? well they are not worth losing sleep over

just my honest opinion based on 52 years of LIFE experience , take what you will from it

whatever good luck to you and all you do , value real friends , and especially if you find the "one" really special person " in life , the one that really understands and values YOU as a person , for they , are worth more than all the gold in the world

all the best

pipesmokingman

[mudweiser]

Pipesmokingman.

Although you have some good points, I believe otherwise.

For one. "Who cares what people think" attitude is good- however, in my opinion, I think all criticism should be accepted, good or bad.

If I get two people that agree that I'm "rude" then I would try to see it from their point of view. How am I rude? How do interact with these people?

Although words like "fat", "ugly", "slut" are hurtful we should really look at how others see us. We shouldn't take it to heart but we should see it as a challenge to improve ourselves.

You'll get the benefit of being a better person thanks to those people.

And another thing,

I see no problem with keeping up with your appearance. The only time it becomes a problem is when you become vain and it becomes a constant thing. If you'd rather spend 3 hours on your hair and makeup than playing with your kids, then it's a problem. If your in debt because you keep buying the latest trends, then it's a problem. If your home is covered with US weekly, People magazine, and you have no knowledge of the real world and what is going on, then you have a problem.

Just a thought..

Sarah

[pipesmokingman]

Hi sarah, yes fair dos , we will agree to disagree , but based on my experience , the point I was making was not to let other peoples opinions rule your life , at the end of the day , you have to do what suits you and live your life your way , if you start letting others influence/control ( for that's what they are doing) it can become a life long habit which is extremely hard to break away from

As to looking good - yes nothing wrong with that and agree as long as one does not obsess... but again modern society promotes this "perfect woman " image , and that's why some girls get in to problems with bulimia etc , again , others "expectations" affecting the persons life and in some cases health ! So something to be wary of?

I have a slightly different take on the world , material things and money , plus the opinions of others ( which have never really bothered me from a young age ) have , since I lost my late wife to cancer , now paled into the insignificant things they really are , as all the money and possessions in the world or what people say or do can not give me the hour to tell her all the things I should have maybe? Like just how much I really loved her :)

So hope this last explains where I am "coming from" somewhat , outlooks on life and the relevance of the mundane , that may seem so important at times , can and do change as life go's on , that's where experience gives one insight - or at least I hope it does

Best regards ;)

pipesmokingman