[Kaitlyn1988]

I am 20 years old and I am getting married in August. My parents are barely speaking to me because: 1. They hate my fiance' 2. They do not approve of me marrying so young 3. I am living with my fiance'. The third problem would not be an issue if they had not made it clear that they would give me no form of financial, emotional, etc. support if I stayed with my fiance'. So I moved in with him. I love my fiance' more than anything and I don't doubt for a second that I want to marry him in August and be with him forever. I have even prepared myself for the possibility that I may never have my family again. That saddens me though. I love my family too. And I want to have them in my life. I have expressed that very clearly to them. But all they can say is "We won't watch you ruin your life" and "living together is against God" or "You're heading into a quick marriage and a quick divorce." They have even called me a whore for moving in with my fiance'. I'm just wondering if anyone has ever been through something similar to this, and if your family ever forgave you? Could things ever be happy on that side of my life again?

[N0help4u]

You need to do what you feel is best for you.
Your parents aren't in your shoes. If you broke up with him because your parents don't approve you might always wonder what could have been.
I have seen many times when parents didn't want to bother with their kids because of their choices but eventually they usually come around. It's a shame that some parents love their kids conditionally.

[jjwoodhull]

Why do they hate him? Is it simply because they think you are too young and disapprove of you living with him? Or did something happen to make them feel that way?

You are an adult and have the right to get married if you feel it is the right thing for you. It is unfortunate that they are giving you an ultimatum. Hopefully in time they will see that you are happy and they will realize that it what is important.

[talaniman]

You didn't provide a lot of details other than how young you are. How long have you know each other? How long have you been going out? And how long have you lived together.
Do you both work?

[Kaitlyn1988]

In answer to some of the questions on the post, the only reasons my parents have been able to give me are that: 1. he's weird 2. he's not going to have a lot of money ever 3. they just don't think he's the one

As far as the other questions: we have known each other for three years. Two as close friends and one as a couple. We've lived together six months.
I am a student, but he is in the military. I would graduate from college before he was transferred anywhere. My parents have expresses a slight worry that I won't graduate if I get married now, but this is by no means their main concern. They were against me being with him to the breaking point before we ever brought up getting married or even moving in together. And truthfully, he's just as serious about me finishing school as I am.

[talaniman]

You're an adult. You make your own decisions, and deal with the consequences, or the blessings. Your parents are just concerned for you, and have your best interests at heart, so love and respect them for that. Time will tell if you are right, and if they can accept your decisions. You still have to follow your own path.

[mudweiser]

Why are you in a rush to get married- what would it do?

Sometimes parents can see things that their kids can't- true they may be wrong. However, is this guy really worth losing your family for? A spouse can leave at any given moment, what would you have afterwards [just a thought].

I really think you should slow down. If you love this guy and know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him then why marry so soon. You can wait till at least graduation and your career picks up- you'll still be with him right? What are papers going to do?

If you think papers are going to change things with your parents to make them think "okay she's married let's give him a shot" your dead wrong.

I'd really like to know the reason behind this wedding.

Sarah

[jjwoodhull]

I don't know your boyfriend's rank or station in the military - but I can certainly understand the argument for getting married before he is shipped anywhere.

You are an adult and these decisions are yours to make. Hopefully your parents will lend their love and support.

[Kaitlyn1988]

You know, some of you guys must be completely dense or can't read. I did specifically say that I am getting married regardless of how my parents feel, and that I have accepted that they may never accept it. Most of these answers are either advice about whether I should get married or not. Obviously, this guy is worth everything to me if I am willing to marry him. Marriage isn't a transitory state in my eyes, nor something that I would enter into lightly. And as far as one user's answer: What's the hurry? Well, it's clear marriage doesn't mean very much to you.
My question has nothing to do with when or if to marry my fiance', but about my family's reaction to it. I asked if anyone, who had experienced something similar, had any insight as to my parents ability to get over themselves in the future. Therefore, unless that is the question you are going to answer, don't bother posting anything.

[Kaitlyn1988]

I'd really like to know the reason behind this wedding.

To answer your query, Sarah, the reason for this wedding is love. Pure and simple. But it seems that isn't enough anymore. Now you either have to be pregnant or be able to gain from it financially for marriage to be acceptable it seems... oh well.

[mudweiser]

You know, some of you guys must be completely dense or can't read. I did specifically say that I am getting married regardless of how my parents feel, and that I have accepted that they may never accept it. Most of these answers are either advice about whether I should get married or not. Obviously, this guy is worth everything to me if I am willing to marry him. Marriage isn't a transitory state in my eyes, nor something that I would enter into lightly. And as far as one user's answer: What's the hurry? Well, it's clear marriage doesn't mean very much to you.
My question has nothing to do with when or if to marry my fiance', but about my family's reaction to it. I asked if anyone, who had experienced something similar, had any insight as to my parents ability to get over themselves in the future. Therefore, unless that is the question you are going to answer, don't bother posting anything.

Well excuse me but this is a public forum. No need to be snooty. Everyone on here is really trying to help you.
________________________

You said:

I am getting married regardless of how my parents feel

So why would it matter how your parents feel, whether they accept him or not.

If he's good to you, and your good to him then congratulations.

I never once said that this was a shotgun wedding- I just wanted to know why you wanted to marry him now.

Love is surely the right reason to marry someone- however wouldn't you want your family to come to the wedding amicably? I sure would. Try to resolve those issues first. How would holding off a year make a difference? After all you are going to be with him.

Sarah

[Fr_Chuck]

So what do you want ? Everyone to say poor you, such bad parents?

You knew or should have know, they seem to have made it clear what they would do if you moved in with him.

And I guess why did you have to move in with him before the wedding ( but that is your choice)

So for some time, maybe into years your family has nothing to do with you, that is your choice , by their demand, you had to choose him or them, and you decided to pick him.

[justcurious55]

Wow. All of these people sit here taking the time to write responses and offer advice and gather insight to try and help you and you reply insulting them...

[Kaitlyn1988]

Sorry I kind of went off on you a bit there. I guess your post sounded like an accusation to me. We are good to one another and if it were just an issue of time for my family, I'd give them until I finished school gladly. But time is not their main issue, it is my fiance' himself. It is not so much a wedding now that they object to, but a wedding with him period. Therefore, I feel like any time I allowed them they would use to try and convince me not to marry him. While I know they never could convince me of that, I still don't want to give them the chance. I only put up this post because, while I am willing to trade my parents for my husband, that's not a choice I make with laughter in my heart. I would a little hope that things may change one day.

[Fr_Chuck]

I saw my parents 3 times in 10 years because they did not like my choice who I married, they were never allowed to go to their home and would not come to my home.

So it may or may not ever be fixed that is something you have to be willing to deal with