[jacquibleu]

Im 30 living with my mom and stepdad, I have a 4 year old with me. For the last 5 years I have been struggling... all kinds of bad things have happened! Some of them were by bad moves and some of it just crazy whacked our circumstances! I have never really been stable in my entire life and I had Graves Disease which I was pretty sick so I moved in with my mom and stepdad (again)... they told me they would help me watch my son while I worked and went to school. I got my surgery, Im better and I got a job ASAP and Im dedicated. I ride a dang bike to work everyday (since my ex took the truck) got a raise, and Im paying off some bills... a few days ago my stepdad and my mom sat me down and tore into my ! Joe (my stepdad) called me a failure and a master deflector and called me a 'welch'? Said I was quicksand, that Ill never have the tools to survive. That all my my decsisions up to this point have been bad and that Im crazy. He looked into my eyes and said with one of those weird mind game expressions, "Your crazy, your just ing crazy!" They said they only tolerate me because of my son and they don't care about me they only care about my son. They said all I had to do was conform. My mom said she's been putting up with me for 15 years and she's sick of me. The list goes on and on but... this hatrid for me, I don't understand it. And they pile all this heavy crap on me just as I was doing really well and the future was finally looking solid! I don't understand what I am not doing to conform? I take care of my son and go to work, that's ALL I do. I don't have friends or party and when Im not at work Im either outside or at the park with my son playing sports. I have to live in their home... every move I make annoys them. If I leave a dirty knife in the sink you can hear my mom breathe heavy and Joe glares at me every time I pass bye. They are being so overly cruel and yes they have helped me out a lot but my mom is all Ive ever had. I had a ruff teenage interval and my 20s were good and bad but sheesh I mean... why such deep enbedded hate? How do I rise above this? How do I cope living at their house? They are starting to treat my son a little coldly too and that hurts a lot. They are trying to convince me that Im a terrible person but I know that I am not! I never intentially tried to hurt them or disrespect them... is this where I get out ASAP and then have to write them off from my life because all they want to do is attack? I wonder if they resent helping me... they treat my younger brother like gold but I just didn't have his life growing up! I don't think its fair that they had to help me so much but I don't think its fair that they try to attack me and call me a failure and a looser. How should I cope inside this house? Im having trouble trying to find something positive to hold onto when my feelings are crushed... I told my mom I loved her and all she says is that's fine. A day ago when I couldn't take it anymore I lashed out myself. My mom called me a fatass (I weigh 135? ) and I said, "No honey YOUR the fatass." I called her a cold fish and a :( And she's all sulky and even more cold now... which I find amazing because when I attack they clam up but when they attack me its almost like they get jolly from it, its really weird.
And Joe has always "looked" at me too! He one of those silent types that watch with his secret eyes, you NEVER know what he's thinking, feeling or where you stand with him EVER! He came into my life around 12 or so after I had been through a divorce w my parents and I was a little rebelious and lost and cold... maybe Im a statistic but... he was rude to me back then too! At 15 he told me he hated me! All the way back to 15 he's hated me I guess I do not know why. Hate is such a strong word and when I bring it up he says Im a liar. Im super confused and Im letting it all out I guess that's why this is so long. I can't make it right because nothing I do is good enough... Im working 40 hours a week and got a raise but they want me working 2 jobs and taking a night school class..? I guess that's the bar they have set for me and anything under is crap but my mom told me there's nothing I can do that will make her proud of me. Why do they insist on pushing me down like that and then want me to go see a pysciritrist because I have low self esteem and can't make decisions? Its so frusterating!
Im tired of feeling bad about myself.
Im tired of a lot of things and where I was so dedicated and focused on getting my together, I now feel scared, have anxiety, everyone hates me here and Im wobbley again. I don't know anymore... Im losing my willpower... Im desperate for some advice or I don't even know...

[Choux]

It seems to me that they are tired of you always "taking" and never "giving"... of being nothing but problems for them; they think you should grow up.

Actually, it if fortunate that they are being honest with you so you know where you stand.

I think it is time for you to get serious about who you really are and understand yourself and your life up to date.

I think it would be very helpful for you to join a 12 Step Program so you can learn a solid framework on which to base you life and relationships... so you can have hope of having a happy life sometime in the future.

I think if you show a long period of growing maturity and a softening of spirit and a speaker of gratitude for the good things life has provided you with... you will see a healing in these relationships.

Best wishes!

[parent25]

I got to tell you I was torn while reading your story. I wasn't sure whether to feel sorry for you or be saddened by people like you.

Lets face reality. You are 30yrs old. If you are working a full time job and have a son then you should be living in your own home. And yes I know that's hard. Ive been on my own with no one to lean on since I left my moms house at 21. Ive been working and Ive had my ups and downs but I have always managed to get out of my "bad times" on my own.

I think that is why your parents are upset with you. Dissapointed only, and I'm sure they don't hate you. Only sick of watching you not help yourself. Granted yes you have a job and are working but it takes a lot more than that.

It seems they are obviously giving you signals they are not happy with you there. In the end, (even if they are your parents), that is THEIR home. For you to be happy, like I said before, my best advice would be to work on moving out. Im sure that is what they want. It seems from your story that they have helped you a ton already. It seems they are fed up and tired of helping you.

When I got my first apt, I lived without furniture for a few months but its sacrifices like that you have to accept when you are struggling to survive and live with pride and independence. I am now 25 and still I cont to make it on my own and even though I don't have the best of things I have so much pride in what I do have and how much I have accomplised on my own. I now have a 4mo old son too. So being a single mom, I do understand.

I think that rigth now you should quit with the self pity. Im thinking it has probably blinded you for awhile and has taken your focus away.

Once your parents see that you are focusing on yourself rather than be bothered with there "hate" then they will realize what a great strong daughter they have.

Im sorry if you take this in a negative way, I assure you I mean no harm.

I promise you will be a much happier person once you wo-MAN up and take charge of your own life and quit depending on others for your happiness.

[confused1145]

Honey, I can not begin to imagine how you feel right now. Sounds like you are trying to me. Your working and taking care of your child. I know how hard it is when you lose everything, it takes a lot of time to get it all back. Been there! Two families can rarely ever live in one home happily. That I know from experience! I think that you should prepare to move out on your own. Don't believe you're a faliure.' Failure lies not in the falling down but in the staying down." Please take that to heart. Prove them wrong.