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pioneer15 · May 4, 2009, 08:36 AM

My girlfriend moved out 3 weeks ago and moved back home. She keeps saying she needs time and to be alone for a while and I respect that. I love her to death. We had been living together for 2 years and have a dog together. I work on the road a lot and cannot properly take care of it myself so I gave it to my parents, where it is doing very well. One week ago she said that it was good that the dog is doing well and I sugested that if we move back in together in the future that we can take it back. She replied it would be unfair for the dog to move again and be disrupted again and it was best to leave it where it is. But today she called me and asked if she could have it back but she emphasized it was my dog and my decision. My question is do you think that she is starting to miss me and contemplating getting back together or do you think she just misses the dog. She made no mention of us getting back together (all though I did not either) but I thought it was odd for her to call me out of the blue when 3 days ago she said we could not talk so often as it was too hard on her and we agreed not to talk for 2 weeks. Opinions on my situation would be great.

TristaNicholle · May 4, 2009, 08:39 AM

I always find it simply easier to just have a heart to heart with someone to try getting to the bottom of an issue instead of trying to second guess someone. People are complicated... talk to her about it. Ask her what her feelings are, that way you can both be on the same page as to where your relationship stands.

Triysle · May 4, 2009, 08:47 AM

First of all, you probably scared her a bit when you jumped right into the "getting back together" discussion. Right now she is still sorting out what she wants, and it sounds to me like she's trying to fill the hole in her heart right now with the loving companionship of the dog.

You said you worked on the road a lot which presumably means she stayed home to take care of the dog. She probably feels more attached to the dog since she feels like she did most of the work in taking care of it. The bottom line is, you need to figure out why she wants him, because it will be a constant reminder of the relationship she had with you and is only going to make things harder for her.

I think you made a good choice in giving the dog to your parents, and I think that you should stand by that choice unless you feel like she has earned the right to own the animal. Don't let her have it just so you have an excuse to talk to her or see her, and don't let her have it because you want her to think about you all time (hehe caught ya, huh?). Do what's best for the animal, and what's healthy for the two of you in the long run.

~ Tee

pioneer15 · May 4, 2009, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by TristaNicholle

I always find it simply easier to just have a heart to heart with someone to try getting to the bottom of an issue instead of trying to second guess someone. People are complicated...talk to her about it. Ask her what her feelings are, that way you can both be on the same page as to where your relationship stands.

Thanks for the response. I have tried to have a heart to heart with her but her asnwers to everything are "I don't know, I just need some time". I guess time to every person is different but I feel 3 weeks you should know how you feel. In my case my feelings towards her are getting stronger instead of weaker (which I thought they would).

Romefalls19 · May 4, 2009, 09:01 AM

She needs time, continue to give it to her. If you want to take the dog, then take it, but don't do it just in hopes she will come back.

When she is ready to talk, she will let you know

pioneer15 · May 4, 2009, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by Triysle

First of all, you probably scared her a bit when you jumped right into the "getting back together" discussion. Right now she is still sorting out what she wants, and it sounds to me like she's trying to fill the hole in her heart right now with the loving companionship of the dog.

You said you worked on the road a lot which presumably means she stayed home to take care of the dog. She probably feels more attached to the dog since she feels like she did most of the work in taking care of it. The bottom line is, you need to figure out why she wants him, because it will be a constant reminder of the relationship she had with you and is only going to make things harder for her.

I think you made a good choice in giving the dog to your parents, and I think that you should stand by that choice unless you feel like she has earned the right to own the animal. Don't let her have it just so you have an excuse to talk to her or see her, and don't let her have it because you want her to think about you all time (hehe caught ya, huh?). Do what's best for the animal, and what's healthy for the two of you in the long run.

~ Tee

The weird thing is that I was telling her that I was going to move in the fall for my work and her response was well then I would have to make new friends and move again, which was a weird answer because we had just moved to our new city and like a week earlier had visted the city I am moving to and she was saying how she would love to live there instead of where we were currently living and the funny part at that point it was not even a consideration and then after she left the company promoted me and said it would be better if I live in the same city as the head office. So I was not the one that had brought it up.

TristaNicholle · May 4, 2009, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by Triysle

First of all, you probably scared her a bit when you jumped right into the "getting back together" discussion. Right now she is still sorting out what she wants, and it sounds to me like she's trying to fill the hole in her heart right now with the loving companionship of the dog.

You said you worked on the road a lot which presumably means she stayed home to take care of the dog. She probably feels more attached to the dog since she feels like she did most of the work in taking care of it. The bottom line is, you need to figure out why she wants him, because it will be a constant reminder of the relationship she had with you and is only going to make things harder for her.

I think you made a good choice in giving the dog to your parents, and I think that you should stand by that choice unless you feel like she has earned the right to own the animal. Don't let her have it just so you have an excuse to talk to her or see her, and don't let her have it because you want her to think about you all time (hehe caught ya, huh?). Do what's best for the animal, and what's healthy for the two of you in the long run.

~ Tee

I agree with the choice of leaving the dog with the parents too, and only giving her the dog for the right reasons. If she needs more time to give you an answer, then give more time. But if she can't answer you truthfully, and says she doesn't know why she wants the dog back or where you are going in this relationship, then it's probably best for the dog to stay put where it is. I know it's always so hard to wait it out, but eventually her actions will let you know what she's feeling... Actions always speak volumes. And on a side note, the best working relationships are relationships based on communication.

Triysle · May 4, 2009, 09:07 AM

Originally Posted by pioneer15

The weird thing is that I was telling her that I was going to move in the fall for my work and her response was well then I would have to make new friends and move again, which was a weird answer because we had just moved to our new city and like a week earlier had visted the city I am moving to and she was saying how she would love to live there instead of where we were currently living and the funny part at that point it was not even a consideration and then after she left the company promoted me and said it would be better if I live in the same city as the head office. So I was not the one that had brought it up.

Take the job, move away, and make a better life for yourself. If she ends up following you, that's her business. It seems pretty obvious to me that she's not really sure what she wants right now, and when people feel that way they tend to latch on to their significant others to guide their lives for them. You do not need the responsibility of figuring out her life; that's for her to do on her own. I know that you like the idea of being there for her, and helping her through life, but the honest truth is you will only make it harder for her in the long run.

Trust me, when someone can't figure out what they want, it's impossible for anyone else to figure it out for them.

~ Tee

pioneer15 · May 4, 2009, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by Triysle

Take the job, move away, and make a better life for yourself. If she ends up following you, that's her business. It seems pretty obvious to me that she's not really sure what she wants right now, and when people feel that way they tend to latch on to their significant others to guide their lives for them. You do not need the responsibility of figuring out her life; that's for her to do on her own. I know that you like the idea of being there for her, and helping her through life, but the honest truth is you will only make it harder for her in the long run.

Trust me, when someone can't figure out what they want, it's impossible for anyone else to figure it out for them.

~ Tee

Thanks I agree. I have already taken the job. I was just wondering if anything could be read about her feelings for me from the dog question. I mean is there a possibility that she is leaning to making this work and the question about the dog was her first step?

Triysle · May 4, 2009, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by pioneer15

Thanks I agree. I have already taken the job. I was just wondering if anything could be read about her feelings for me from the dog question. I mean is there a possiblity that she is leaning to making this work and the question about the dog was her first step?

You're looking too deeply at this situation. If she really wanted to make it work, she would sit down with you and talk about it. If she can't open up to you and communicate her feelings to you about it, then even considering a relationship is pointless. She probably doesn't understand her own feelings right now. Don't push her, and don't make assumptions about situations until she can tell you exactly how she feels.

You will save yourself a lot of headache and heartache if you just give her space. Check the thread about No Contact for ideas. If she broke up with you to sort out what she wanted, then don't allow her to confuse you (and herself) by having further conversations about a relationship.

As for the dog, my advice is still to leave it at the folks place. You will avoid a ton of hassle, and honestly if the dog is being taken care of there then it's better for everyone to leave it.

~ Tee

pioneer15 · May 4, 2009, 04:44 PM

Ok I want to start by saying that what I am about to tell you I know was not the right thing to do. I know I was wrong in doing it. So please don't get caught up in the morality or how I got the info but please do let me know your opinion. I am trying to get into the head of my ex girlfreind. And please don't tell me I am over analyzing because I know that too. I just want to know what you think is going through her head.
So I went onto her Facebook and found out that she had contacted a male friend of hers and said that it was a long time since they talked and they should do coffee sometime. He replied by saying I saw you at a store the other day. I see you have a guy.
She replied by saying yeah I do have a great guy how is your lady? (He has a girlfriend and I don't believe she is intersted in dating him, they are just old friends.) We have been broken up now for 3 weeks. She left saying she needed time alone. Do you think she is considering taking me back or is it more likely she has found some one new already?

liz28 · May 4, 2009, 05:00 PM

I don't want to give you false hope but I don't think anyone can really answer that. Only she can.

pioneer15 · May 4, 2009, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

I don't want to give you false hope but I don't think anyone can really answer that. Only she can.

I already have false hope. What is you inclination? Why would you say what she said to someone most likely?

Triysle · May 4, 2009, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by pioneer15

I already have false hope. What is you inclination? Why would you say what she said to someone most likely?

Dude, you are going about this entirely the wrong way. I'm guessing one of the reasons she broke up with you was your insecurity and your controlling nature. You need to establish confidence in yourself and stop worrying about what she's doing with other people.

Frankly, it's none of your business what she does. It's not about right or wrong, moral values, or anything like that. She broke up with you, and I know (trust me) how much that hurts. However, if you have any respect for her at all you will let her go on with her life.

Honestly, you shouldn't be worrying about what she meant, or anything like that. If she hasn't contacted you, and she was the one who dumped you, then you need to leave the situation alone until she decides to contact you. Start figuring out your own life and stop worrying about hers.

~ Tee

Survivor07 · May 4, 2009, 05:24 PM

First of all, I agree with Liz. Whether she's considering taking you back or found someone else are not questions we can answer.

Just my best guess: By saying she needs time alone... she means she wants time away from you.

Looking up old friends on FaceBook and wanting to get together with them does not say 'I want to be alone'.

liz28 · May 4, 2009, 05:24 PM

Listen she is your ex and your not in her head. I think you need to stay away from her Facebook account and stop trying to get into her head. The only person thoughts you can analyze are your own.

talaniman · May 4, 2009, 05:25 PM

We have been broken up now for 3 weeks. She left saying she needed time alone. Do you think she is considering taking me back or is it more likely she has found some one new already?

I think she wanted her freedom to explore other options, and strongly advise you to do the same.

Let go of the false hope. Are you still in contact with her?

pioneer15 · May 4, 2009, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think she wanted her freedom to explore other options, and strongly advise you to do the same.

Let go of the false hope. Are you still in contact with her?

Yeah she called me yesterday and if I was not half asleep and actually looked at my phone before answering I never would have. I was trying not to talk to her for a while as I thought it would be the best way to get over her.

jjwoodhull · May 4, 2009, 05:53 PM

Sorry, but when someone breaks up with you it is best to accept the reality of the situation... For whatever reason, she has decided that she does not want to be with you.

You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you. The sooner you let go, the sooner you can move on. Maybe she will try to come back one day, but maybe she won't. Do not waste you time sitting around waiting for her.

pioneer15 · May 14, 2009, 12:56 AM

Threads merged

So my ex girlfriend and I broke up 1 month ago. It was hard at first for me and her. She was the one that left. We had been together for 2 years and lived together for the same amount of time. We now live 6 hours apart and in different countries. She called me tonight just to talk and tell me about getting laser eye surgery. I think she is starting to miss me and possibly in time wants to get back together but I don't want to push it. I do want her back and love her to death. What are the next steps I should take. We never talked today about getting back together but 2 weeks ago we couldn't even talk with getting mad and sad at each other. Feedback would be great. Thanks