[Jbinn]

So my girlfriend after 2 years dumped me recently, we have broken up a few times prior to this a few months ago... I was always mean and aggressive I think I have bipolar or something like that to an effect. Its not just her I was like this to it was everyone. Sometimes I thought it was girlfriend/boyfriend fighting and I wasn't to blame so the first time she cut it off she said it was because I was mean and I made her unhappy (but for almost 2 years before this we had the happiest moments of hour lives, spent every waking minute together... We have the same friends and enemies her house is the party central mostly consisting of kids we both like. She broke it off crying and said she needed SPACE I know such a horrid word. So I agreed (unwillingly) and I gave her 2 days of space, I then called her and said I wanted to see her. So I saw her and we spent a few hours together and then she left... This is where I missed up, I asked her if I could come over later that day. Well she said maybe but she was tired. So I said OK, but I messed up by calling her and telling her how I felt and she was already depressed so she was like (Im upset and I don't want to talk about it right now, I need my space.) So I agreed, she told my friend she would need more then a week to decide.

She told me the night we broke it off that she wasn't interested in being with ANYONE and that she needed time alone/with friends without me to think about stuff, and figure out what makes her happy. So its been 2 days since then and I'm dying inside, I mean everyone's like move on and you're love struck blind... No this girl loves everything I do, we have the same friends, we had great times together... she is very smart and loyal and respectful we like each others families we are inseperaple...

The last time this happened she came back within 3 days (yes I know but this time its different) but this time she seems more sincere because when I see her she seems so sad and out of it I don't know if that's from me or depression I can tell its eating her as bad as me but she is so much stronger not to show it.

So she invites me to come over to her 4:20 party and to hang out a day before that (so we would be hanging out twice in the first week we broke up) and she says that I'm her BEST FRIEND and that she wants to see me become a better person and improve (I need a job too which didn't help, but I managed to grab one the next day we broke up, lucky huh?) She also says she doesn't want to be alone with me (guessing she can't be alone with me thinking how hard it will be and one of us will give in)

She says she cannot be with me right now or she doesn't want to be with me right now... could the be indicitave to she's giving thoughts of being back with me but doesn't want to know or that she just doesn't want to in general?

This girl is of my dreams and I would do anything to get her back, I eat and sleep her. I've been in love before and never felt like this after abreakup, this is true.

I hope we can get back together, I know giving her time is the best bet, but even though she said she doesn't want to date other guys I'm still scared she might catch interest. And I live in a small town so finding unique or different people DOES NOT HAPPEN actually when I met her she had just moved here from NJ so she was new herself.

She's very emotionally detached when she's upset and I didn't help by being a jackass, time and time I told her I ed up and I want to make it better but it seems like she wants me to show her more then tell her. What do I do? And how do I cope? I get sleepless nights, I don't eat... I love games and chilling with friends and both of those aren't enjoyable anymore. Half the time she doesn't answer my texts (probably to give us space) I just don't know anymore. She says she still loves me and cares about me, but she just wants to be friends right now and get space and wants to see me improve.

[stillfading]

my friend, you are in a similar situation as me and believe me it sucks.

my girl was never very open and emotionally wouldn't tell me a lot of things. I am now 7 days of NC and TRUST me let her go. Maybe not totally, but what I mean is do NOT contact her. You are pushing her away. The ONLY way to show her you care and can change is through NC.

you said you eat and sleep this girl. That is your problem, as was mine. We fell soooo deep in love we forgot who we are. Women don't like that.

space = letting you down softly for a breakup. She cares about you but doesn't have what it takes to tell you the honest truth. She is probably confused and might be interested in someone else.

mine told me the same thing and lo and behold, she moved out and in with a guy she had been seeing for the last month.

are there any red flags in your relationship to think she might be with someone else?

they will never tell you the truth!

[Jbinn]

This girl is different, she doesn't lie or make up stuff to make me feel better if she said she doesn't want to see anyone and wants to be single I have to believe her. I have had NC with her but only on short spurts, I'd leave her be for a few hours and send a text, she is talking with me but as a friend... I don't want to be TOO friendly as to have her JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS but I want to keep in touch so she knows I'm here.

The other night she went out and got drunk to help with it, so I'm guessing that was her way of coping. She is now sleeping as we speak or napping. So I figure for the REST of the day and NIGHT I will not text her, I will not talk to her all the way until Friday when we're supposed to meet...

I think you guys missunderstood, she dumped me and THEN said she needed space basically that was her reason for dumping me. The space is just time before we really talk or get involved again, she would not however give me false hope like (if you change we'll be together, or anything like that) but she did say there is a future for us and it might just be her...

One time we broke up and she got mad at me and was hella drunk and made out with this guy but that's all she did and the next day she confessed to me and I told her it was all right and we hooked back up, so I'm pretty sure she realized she wasn't interested in another guy, so at this point I feel she is sincere about other guys. It doesn't bother me if she dates a guy or gets drunk with guys so long as she doesn't do one night stands for rebound (which I know she won't, she's not slutty at all)

I just can't cope with the NC rule, I mean the mornings I puke and the day my stomach hurts from hunger but I can't eat or don't feel like it (I dropped 10 LB in 2 days) she is suffering as much as me but she is used to guys ing her over so shescoped through it before. I however haven't suffered like this before so for me its harder to cope.

[Jbinn]

So I made progress tonight my brothers girlfriend talked to her and appearently she said she just needs her space and when she was asked if she would go back out with me she said a yes maybe... what's weird is she moved me down on myspace from 2nd to third and put her status as single is this to teach me a lesson and with my head or is she trying to do something here? My very knowledgeable friend says that sometimes woman do that for the shock value to realize something she did this last time we broke up too.

[Jbinn]

The weird thing is NOBODY on myspace will notice this except for me... lol nobody pays enough attention to her profile to point out top 10 and status. So it must be to get at me, I means he is trying to make me a stronger better more reliable person and I think she's succeeding in a good way.

[talaniman]

I strongly suggest you do other things besides worry about her. You are way to dependent on her and really need to improve yourself without her and give her some space, which is exactly what she has told you. She is right, now get your life together and leave hers alone, and keep others out of your business.

[kctiger]

Go out, HAVE FUN, find things you like to do that truly make your life about YOU. Relationships are a compliment to your life, they aren't YOUR life. Enjoy the single life for awhile. There are SO MANY opportunities out there if you just put yourself out there. The movie "Yes Man" is an awesome movie that you should watch. It applies to most people after a serious break up. You don't realize how liberating it is to have a life that doesn't revolve around someone else for happiness.

[liz28]

If you loved her the way you said then you shouldn't be mean toward her for no reason. You need to control your temper and outbursts because this is a sure way to push someone away from you. Also, if you think you might be bipolar then I suggest you follow up on this by seeing a mental health professional.

I am not going even tackle your ex and her drinking because if she can't handle her liquor or unable to set limits than she shouldn't be drinking.

You need to stop torturing yourself by checking her myspace, texting, and trying to get information about her feelings by involving a third party. Instead use this time to take of you because this relationship wasn't so great if the two kept breaking up to make up and you being mean to her. You can grow from this experience by learning from it.

[Jbinn]

We kepts breaking up for the same reason, the fighting but what I failed to realize is the fighting was my fault, know how they say you don't realize what you've lost until its gone, well now I've been thinking about what I've done/lost and its not the breakup that's killing me, it's the fact that I care about her and love her so much Ic an't believe I hurt her enough to leave me... We were planning on getting engaged soon too once I got a job and we were on our feet. I got my brothers girlfriend involved because I know woman with their space issue can be big headed sometimes and I needed another girl I trust to push the notion a little quicker... I'm still on NC I messaged her this morning asking her how she was and if she had work, she didn't message me back probably because she's sick and still sleeping.

[Jbinn]

She says she still loves me (So that's still there and the 2 years wasn't just a lust thing or something)
She invites me to parties to see me (she must want to see me)
She said a YES/MAYBE to getting back with me (which means she wants to but she doesn't know because she wants to see a change.)
She said she needs her space to a 3rd party (meaning she wasn't lying)
She has shown NO INTEREST to other guys (trust me it's a small town, I'd no)
She acts sad on the phone when me or ANYONE else calls (she must still be upset from the breakup)
She tells me friends to take me out and have fun and texts me not to worry (so she must care about how upset I am right now)

I've been on NC
I've been saying the right stuff.
I've been taking this time to reflect on myself
I've seen her once and it ended in disaster only for the next day to have her want to hang out.
I've been keeping my cool and hanging out with people as opposed to lying and begging for her back.
I went out and got a job THE NEXT DAY we broke up instead of moping around.

I feel that all of that right there is showing an improvement in me. I got a job, I've been thinking about my problems/actions trying to fix them, I've been giving her, her space. I messed up at the beginning by begging and talking to her friends but I quickly stopped after she got mad from it.

[talaniman]

You really do have a lot of work to do, before your ready for a healthy, adult relationship, and I think that should be your focus, not getting her back, or any one else, for that matter. You need the time to be alone by yourself, to learn about yourself, without her influence.

[Jbinn]

Well I was wrong today my mom went to her brothers house and my girlfriend was in in bed with this kid (my uncles wives son) and in with him, just sleeping in the bed with him what am I supposed to do now?

[stillfading]

:(

Space usually means another guy. I am so sorry man I am there with you going through it.

[Lousie]

I broke up with my boyfriend when it was coming up to two years and I needed space.
Sometimes things aren't meant to be

[talaniman]

Well i was wrong today my mom went to her brothers house and my girlfriend was in in bed with this kid (my uncles wives son) and in with him, just sleepin in the bed with him what am i supposed to do now?!

You do what you have been advised to do! Move on and work on you.

[Jbinn]

Well I guess I was wrong, she was with another guy.. so now I'm deffinately single, she lied to me about everything and did **** with my BEST FRIEND MY COUSIN?

[Jbinn]

Space doesn't mean meeting new guys that's retarded to even say and to hookup with my cousin I mean ? >.< w/e I'm over it, she's a slut

[Jbinn]

I think the whole space thing is a joke an excuse for people to cheat basically

[Jbinn]

But anyway, should I just forget this girl and move on? I mean damn she basically did this to me twice the 2nd time with my cousin and appearently the same night she was sitting on some forigners lap at a party my friend told me... I mean I can't trust her anymore, she's turning slutty and she just doesn't seem to care about my feelings at all.

I can let go but should I?

[Jbinn]

Threads merged

Ok so here's a brief summary of my last topic:

So me and my girlfriend met after she moved up to Maine from NJ and we had sex the first night we met, about a week later we went out. We were happy for about a year and a half and then we started fighting daily, at first I thought it was me because I have bipolar with no medication so sometimes I explode at little things, but she has the same thing so its mutual.

Well about 1 1/2 years into the relationship she says she needs space and breaks up with me for about 3 days, she calls me on the third day and says we need to talk. She ends up showing up to tell me she kissed a guy and slept in the same bed with him and she made a big mestake and wanted me back, well stupid me fell for her ploy and I went back willinly. Months went by and things didn't get any better, I became jealous and insecure about what she did and started asking questions about it... After awhile I got over it but I pissed her off some during the process.

She then dumped me again after a long party night she stepped on my head on accident and I got up and flipped out (I was still drunk when I woke up) so she told me to leave, so I went home and later that night I showed back up at her house and we got back together the SAME DAY. So 2 nights later we're sitting in her room and she starts crying and says how this isn't going to work and that she's unhappy and needs space.

So I agreed (unwillingly) and we broke it off and I made the mestake and broke NO CONTACT but I managed to salvage it by going NC instantly. So I have my brothers girlfriend CALL her and ask her what she was up to, she says she is at home sick and I figured she was telling the truth. So I find out the next day that, that night she was supposidly home sick and upset she was out at a party with my cousin and best friend and she was sitting on guys laps and **** so my friend says lets leave and they go back to my cousins house.

So my friend leaves and my uncle see my ex and my cousin sleeping together in the morning. So I ask her was up and she says they did stuff and that he's a nice clean guy and she knows she did wrong but she doesn't regret it. Well the most messed up part is her best friend Julia was going out with my cousin and my cousin cried like I did when julia broke up with him and we vented to each other about it... So why would he do that with my ex knowing how I felt? Why would she do that with my cousin knowing how I felt? Her best friend not hates her and my cousin and she has been talking to me making things easier... She told me I shouldn't go back out with her, that she treated me like **** but I'm so scared that a week from now she might go "I miss you and love you and realized this after the breakup. Well she is my first girl I've had sex with (im 20) the first relationship I had, we spent every day and night together. I think sex and lying is the 2 worst things you can do to rebound or take revenge. Sex is like sacred it's a honor for a girl to let a guy in that...

My ex is 2 years younger then me (18) and she had sex with 8 guys before me, and was raped by 2 guys (not at one 2 different ones, party rape and physical rape) so she's obviously a sexual type that's been around compared to me who was a virgin 2 years ago. So let me get to the questions at hand... Also I confronted them the morning my uncle found them I went there and confronted them... I held in my anger and didn't punch him out I just got my words out and left, it was the worst time in my life... but all day I've been with friends and family and I actually feel pretty good there's a party Friday that a bunch of my friends around going to (not at her house at my friends house) so that will help me chill out, I haven't ate much or slept much but I feel every time I do NC with her I feel better.

DID SHE DO ME WRONG? SHOULD I TAKE HER BACK? AM I IN THE RIGHT FOR BEING DEPRESSED?

I mean everyones saying how I should be able to get over her easy but I feel like I would still be with her after this even though I could NEVER trust her again, so I gather that it wouldn't work anyways I just love this girl and I can't be friends with her, but she hangs out with all the same people I do and her house was like the main party spot also this guy,my cousin is a total loser does pills/coke and has never had a job (hes 21) and she had the nerve to call me lazy and say i need a job...