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    colawal's Avatar
    colawal Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 31, 2009, 01:23 AM
    Absent Father Returns
    My daughter is now 5 1/2 and her father has been absent from her life except for two visits when she was 3. He is looking to be involved in her life and I want to know what is the best way to explain all of this to her and how much time I should allow him acess etc.
    I believe he is genuine this time but want to have everything right from the start.
    Thanks
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #2

    Mar 31, 2009, 03:59 AM

    He can be honest with her. He can say " I am sorry daddy wasn't part of your life for last few years but daddy would like to change that and hopefully you can allow me to be part of your life. Daddy was very immature and I know it made you feel like__". I am unsure but hopefully that is a start.

    Maybe he can start by taking out for a hour or two. Like the park, chucky cheese, out to eat, park, etc. Things that she like so he can gets to know her and she can get use to him.

    If you see that she is reluctant then maybe you should go with them to reinsurance for her.

    If all goes well gradually increase his time to where he can take her over night/weekends.

    It good that he wants to now be a dad but that doesn't happen over night and he has build up his daughter trust to accept him. I just hopes he doesn't let her down.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Mar 31, 2009, 04:32 AM

    Normally if done though the courts, they set up counseling with the child to first explain that her dad wants to start seeing her, Often the first few visits are done though the counselor or a supervised visit area with counselors present.

    I would assume she has wondered where "dad" was, would have seen photos of him at some point??

    But I would do it very slow and protective till he proves hisself
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #4

    Mar 31, 2009, 04:46 AM

    It is vitally important that you and the father are on the same page.
    Clearly,you will be there and prior to his visit I would say*Your Daddy is coming to see you*.Would you like to make him a picture?

    Kids don't put an adult slant on things and she will most likely take it in her stride and simply be pleased to see him.

    The less of a big deal you make it the better it will be.
    She will be taking her cues from you so your attitude is of the utmost importance.

    I commend you for giving her the opportunity to have a relationship.Many Moms in your position would not be so generous.

    If she has tough questions about where he has been ,I would simply say*you can ask Daddy that when he gets here*.

    Best of luck!
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #5

    Mar 31, 2009, 07:52 AM
    I have to agree with Chuck on this one.

    Because he has only seen her twice, when she was three, his is a stranger to her. I would be highly suspect of his commitment to have a relationship with her, without having a third party assess his intentions.

    No guarantee of course, put he should put his parenting intentions on the table, with a court appointed counsellor, to determine the best course of action. Times, dates, activities, etc.

    Should he start without one, and decide once again that he's out of there, this now 5 1/2 year old will be suffering the consequences of his actions.

    I personally don't think it is enough that he seems sincere this time. I would be absolutely certain of it first.
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