[Hathor]

Entire story merged

There's something that's been bothering me for sometime which subsequently led me to dump my boyfriend.

My boyfriend (now ex) of just a couple of months still lets his ex stay in his apartment. He let me know from the start and understands how I (and all other monogamous women) felt but didn't do anything until I flipped and made him realize how hurt and disrespectful it was for me. His excuse was that they were together for like 10 years, but they grew apart and no longer had 'relations'. He said she understands the situation but she still loves him and he feels guilty of treating her badly for years (somehow their relationship wasn't conventionally committed and he admitted having other gfs before me while she was still there). My first reaction was quite strong and somewhat aggressive. I thought (and told him) it's bull. She has her own place if it's over then she should move out. But he prefers to give her time and not having to know he's bringing in new girlfriend. He said she's already started packing, he sees boxes.

Our (he and I) relationship, though short-term, was quite intense. And his reason makes sense, how could he spend that much time with me if they're still together, I mean nights and weekends at my place and his holiday house. His friends know about me. So the first time I decided to dump him, he convinced me not to.

But a month had passed and she was still there, and I wasn't allowed to set foot there still. So I dumped him for good this time.

He was always extremely nice to me and I believe he was honest most of the time, otherwise he wouldn't have told me about his ex, his past affair with a married woman, and his past experiences with hookers.

Anyway, I've already moved to another country, blocked all communication channels with him. I'm not in love with him (there's a bit of feelings left of course) so you guys don't have to support/confirm my decision, it was already done and I won't change my mind.

The real question is: IS IT POSSIBLE that he didn't lie to me and really let his ex stay although they're really over? He's turning 50 this year and I'm much younger, so I don't know, maybe that generation has that kind of thing us young folks can't understand?

Just trying to make sense of all this so that I won't be beating myself up for being either stupid or paranoid.

[talaniman]

He may have been telling you the truth, but to bring someone into this mess of a ex-relationship, was not the best way to go about it.

You did the right thing, as there is seldom a good ending, in such a muddy situation, so you removed yourself, and left him to carry his own baggage, and clean up his own mess.

That's not paranoid, or stupid, but its smart you put yourself first, and dealt with it decisively.

[Hathor]

I'm currently on an LD break. It's a bit confusing now because I'm not 100% sure my boyfriend (or ex) got the message that I wanted to break up so that neither side wouldn't have to hang on the false hope.

I know most of the 'breaks' end in eventual breakups anyway. But can a break actually be good thing for a relationship? I know we have a break for a reason. The reason being that we rushed things a bit too fast. And now that we've spent some time apart with NC and all, I got time to think what the problems were, and how we should've slowed down.

Well, I guess this break does slow things down.

I've hurt my bf/ex for initiating the break (intended for a breakup), but not that we're heartbroken or anything. We still have good feelings for each other, but not so strong yet, since we were just dating (on the verge of becoming exclusively committed).

So, by learning a lesson from the past not trying to commit too fast, you think it's a good idea we get back together and take things slower?

[talaniman]

See how you feel after you have had a lot more time to think. What if he has taken it as being over, and has someone else? No telling how he feels so don't assume, just wait and see what happens next. Focus on what's in front of you where you are.

There is no hurry for any decision now.

[Hathor]

I'm now in a long distance relationship with an older guy/foreigner, we've been dating for 6 months now. We had arguments in the past but things are starting to get much better now and I want to try to make it work.

Thing is I've been traveling/moving a lot, as in many different countries/continents for the past decade, long distance isn't my best friend, normally things started to cool off and fade away, and that's because I never stayed in one place long enough to be very 'serious'.

I guess the question I want to ask is how do I (we) make it work this time around? What is the right balance? (I know each relationship is different and there's no 'rule', but I mean in general, as to what most people do). I think we should make extra effort for long distance, so in my pov me and my boyfriend should talk everyday, if we can't because we're both busy, we can just text at least.

The problem here is that my boyfriend is always busy (he's interested in many things as I know by living with him for a while), there's a 5 hour difference, and I feel that he's not making enough effort as I am... he told me to keep cool/calm, not to worry because he always thinks of me and loves me etc. but I don't know I just have this feeling that it's not enough. We had our problems in the past, I know, it's not a good sign to start arguing when things are still new, and I actually tried to break it off several times... but right now it's been much much better, I already let go of all past problems, I don't desire to break up just to protect myself because every time I wanted to I felt worse than staying in the relationship, and I don't even know what I'd actually protect myself from anyway, I've already hit rock bottom when I was younger with an ex. And maybe our age difference is a problem to out miscommunication too, he's older and might not want to be so tied up to feel secure as younger people like me do? All my friends have told me I'm acting more mature than my age, but I might be just a kid to him. My friends also told me I can be a bit too confident, demanding and aggressive at times, so is my demand to 'talk' everyday too demanding? Am I being a bit too clingy/demanding when I don't even intend to be that way? I'm also monogamous and I've made it clear to him that I don't do infidelity/open relationship thing. Am I too demanding?

I wish I could make a nicely wrapped up documentary for all of you to analyse, but it's impossible for you to analyse accurately as you don't know our relationship. So if you can share your point of view and experience, it'd be great. It's my first 'real' long distance and I just want to 'try' to make it work. We've been apart for 3 weeks now, and as I just started my new job, I can't get holidays any time soon. We're looking at Christmas/NY, but he said he'd try to visit me in Sept or August.

Thank you so much!!

[talaniman]

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Maybe this site can help you, as I know long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain.

[taoplr]

I'm now in a long distance relationship with an older guy/foreigner, we've been dating for 6 months now. We had arguments in the past but things are starting to get much better now and I want to try to make it work.

Thing is I've been traveling/moving a lot, as in many different countries/continents for the past decade, long distance isn't my best friend, normally things started to cool off and fade away, and that's because I never stayed in one place long enough to be very 'serious'.

I guess the question I want to ask is how do I (we) make it work this time around? What is the right balance? (I know each relationship is different and there's no 'rule', but I mean in general, as to what most people do). I think we should make extra effort for long distance, so in my pov me and my bf should talk everyday, if we can't because we're both busy, we can just text at least.

The problem here is that my bf is always busy (he's interested in many things as I know by living with him for a while), there's a 5 hour difference, and I feel that he's not making enough effort as I am...he told me to keep cool/calm, not to worry because he always thinks of me and loves me etc. but I don't know I just have this feeling that it's not enough. We had our problems in the past, I know, it's not a good sign to start arguing when things are still new, and I actually tried to break it off several times...but right now it's been much much better, I already let go of all past problems, I don't desire to break up just to protect myself because everytime I wanted to I felt worse than staying in the relationship, and I don't even know what I'd actually protect myself from anyway, I've already hit rock bottom when I was younger with an ex. And maybe our age difference is a problem to out miscommunication too, he's older and might not want to be so tied up to feel secure as younger people like me do? All my friends have told me I'm acting more mature than my age, but I might be just a kid to him. My friends also told me I can be a bit too confident, demanding and aggressive at times, so is my demand to 'talk' everyday too demanding? Am I being a bit too clingy/demanding when I don't even intend to be that way? I'm also monogamous and I've made it clear to him that I don't do infidelity/open relationship thing. Am I too demanding?

I wish I could make a nicely wrapped up documentary for all of you to analyse, but it's impossible for you to analyse accurately as you don't know our relationship. So if you can share your point of view and experience, it'd be great. It's my first 'real' long distance and I just want to 'try' to make it work. We've been apart for 3 weeks now, and as I just started my new job, I can't get holidays any time soon. We're looking at Christmas/NY, but he said he'd try to visit me in Sept or August.

Thank you so much!!!

Well, you've got two strikes against you: The distance and the age difference, both of which can easily lead people to separate. Maybe you should also include cultural disparities, since you and he come from different countries, and you have what appears to be a difference in the need for emotional "touch" while you are apart.

You don't sound demanding or clingy, but your expectations are different from his. When you tried to break up in the past and felt worse, was that a sign that you belonged with him, or that you were caught in an illusion? You mention problems; what kind?

In my experience, making a relationship work with these characteristics and unanswered questions in place is hard unless you have some emotional superglue to bind you to each other. Aside from wanting to connect, what interests, functions, philosophies, and beliefs do you share?

What future do you envision? Is it shared?

Tao

[Hathor]

Thank you for your replies. Yes, I think you're right, we have different expectations. For me, disappearing for more than one day is a biggie, because LD is fragile in general, and especially in our case, with all the past arguments, I'd say that our relationship is fragile. For him, 3 days without talking is fine. I already talked to him about my expectations and I saw him try (like waking up to a nice good morning sunshine, I think of you sms), but it's not him. He told me he hates talking on the phone and prefers skype and sms. He likes sms, but not too often (as in 1 per day maximum), he said he doesn't want to be a slave to the phone. I don't want to push him to do things he doesn't want either, but seriously, we're continents apart!

Future together? Well, I think I've got myself involved with a type A commitment phobic. He's in his late 40's (I'm in my late 20's), never married, no kids, but several exes along the way, 2 of them were 'serious' ones he was living with for like a decade (each). Our past problems concern his stalking ex who would never leave him/us alone because apparently he was her first, and the only one, and he's too caught up with the 10 years together and her being so loyal to him to push her away. I'm not a jealous person, but in this case, it's crazy not to be, and it was driving me mad and I really don't like myself that way (a crazy jealous gf), but now he's tried much harder (like turning off his mobile completely, disappearing from the places they would bump into each other for months etc.), well, I've seen his efforts and we've stopped arguing about that. I guess I'm just too tired to handle thinking about her any longer, so I've completely let it go.

But now that we've been continents apart, old insecurities somehow come back.

I know, dating a commitment phobic usually doesn't end well, but I don't think I should be protecting myself from getting hurt in the future by breaking it off right now. Sooner or later, it hurts the same for me. And although I'm not so much in love with him, it still hurts because of our shared history, and because I'm in a situation that I cannot connect to many people (having moved back to my hometown after 8 years), and I don't want to lose him when I don't have anyone else. Is this bad?

[taoplr]

Thank you for your replies. Yes, I think you're right, we have different expectations. For me, disappearing for more than one day is a biggie, because LD is fragile in general, and especially in our case, with all the past arguments, I'd say that our relationship is fragile. For him, 3 days without talking is fine. I already talked to him about my expectations and I saw him try (like waking up to a nice good morning sunshine, I think of you sms), but it's not him. He told me he hates talking on the phone and prefers skype and sms. He likes sms, but not too often (as in 1 per day maximum), he said he doesn't wanna be a slave to the phone. I don't wanna push him to do things he doesn't want either, but seriously, we're continents apart!!

Future together? Well, I think I've got myself involved with a type A commitment phobic. He's in his late 40's (I'm in my late 20's), never married, no kids, but several exes along the way, 2 of them were 'serious' ones he was living with for like a decade (each). Our past problems concern his stalking ex who would never leave him/us alone because apparently he was her first, and the only one, and he's too caught up with the 10 years together and her being so loyal to him to push her away. I'm not a jealous person, but in this case, it's crazy not to be, and it was driving me mad and I really don't like myself that way (a crazy jealous gf), but now he's tried much harder (like turning off his mobile completely, disappearing from the places they would bump into each other for months etc.), well, I've seen his efforts and we've stopped arguing about that. I guess I'm just too tired to handle thinking about her any longer, so I've completely let it go.

But now that we've been continents apart, old insecurities somehow come back.

I know, dating a commitment phobic usually doesn't end well, but I don't think I should be protecting myself from getting hurt in the future by breaking it off right now. Sooner or later, it hurts the same for me. And although I'm not so much in love with him, it still hurts because of our shared history, and because I'm in a situation that I cannot connect to many people (having moved back to my hometown after 8 years), and I don't wanna lose him when I don't have anyone else. Is this bad?

It depends on how you see yourself and what you want to become. Your situation with him is not great; you realize that you are not so much in love with him; and you are holding on because returning home, you find it hard to connect with many people. So, he's a place-holder while you figure yourself out. Whatever you do, you will grow in some direction as a result of how you navigate this moment and how you deal with this relationship. What do you want that to be?

If you focus on the emotions that are driving your thinking and behavior, what comes up for you? My guess is fear. You also mentioned insecurities. There is a certain amount of loneliness. If you face reality and do the right thing, to where will that bring you? Alone? Self-sustaining? Free? Is it time for you to be more self-sustaining?

Considering his side, and from your descriptions he is comfortable, what is fair to him?

You've got some noodling to do. Think things through. Reveal yourself to yourself.

Tao

[talaniman]

I don't wanna lose him when I don't have anyone else. Is this bad?

Yes it is bad, as you prevent yourself from breaking with the past and finding your happiness in the future.

Don't be afraid of being alone, that's a great way to learn about yourself and what you can become, and accomplish for yourself.

Don't deprive yourself of that opportunity.

[winding200]

The problem here is that my bf is always busy (he's interested in many things as I know by living with him for a while), there's a 5 hour difference, and I feel that he's not making enough effort as I am...

My 2 cents from personal experience with long distance relationhsip:
It does not matter if there is long distance, 5 or 12 hours difference, either he is the busiest doctor/lawyer/FBI agent/CEO/US president whatsoever (he he he), you will get enough from him if he loves you. He will always find the way if you are his top priority.

Your relationhsip is not going well. Let him cool off/slow down by himself with his interests. Why do you want to tie yourself up with this person?? No way. Gain some confidence for yourself. Being a single is the golden opportunity to meet someone perfect for you. (I said "PERFECT person" not "NOT SO BAD person")
Gain confidence, free yourself from the pointless relationship, and find someone else who is crazy about you. You will be cherished, and appreciated by the RIGHT PERSON. Do not settle down with less ever. People will love & respect you as much you love & respect yourself.

[Hathor]

my 2 cents from personal experience with long distance relationhsip:
It does not matter if there is long distance, 5 or 12 hours difference, either he is the busiest doctor/lawyer/FBI agent/CEO/US president whatsoever (he he he), you will get enough from him if he loves you. He will always find the way if you are his top priority.

Your relationhsip is not going well. Let him cool off/slow down by himself with his interests. Why do you want to tie yourself up with this person???? No way. Gain some confidence for yourself. Being a single is the golden opportunity to meet someone perfect for you. (I said "PERFECT person" not "NOT SO BAD person")
Gain confidence, free yourself from the pointless relationship, and find someone else who is crazy about you. You will be cherished, and appreciated by the RIGHT PERSON. Do not settle down with less ever. People will love & respect you as much you love & respect yourself.

Thank you. I agree with you to some extent, Winding. I think a lot of people these days (mostly, in my opinion, Americans... no offence whatsoever, but all the American media, writings, people that I've come across, and the 'He's not that into you' concept all set the standard a bit too high/unrealistic for Americans and the rest of the world) might just be too quick to judge and end things.

I'm Asian (with Australian and European education) and my boyfriend is European and he's been telling me that my personality/mentality is most likely American in the way that I judge things in black and white. I disagree. I think it's just a matter of perspectives/different upbringings. Me, I think my boyfriend is too liberal. And that's why we've had problems, miscommunication.

But it's getting much better now. I talked it out with him, I mean I told him every single thing that bothered me and how we would go from here. It was quite straightforward. He's now understood what I was trying to say all these months (finally!). I asked him if he wanted to be committed to me and he said yes. We're now having daily communication.

It's not that I'm just lonely, I do love him from time to time. Maybe it's a different kind of love. I used to have a very strong infatuation/caring for my ex, and I was depressed for one whole year after the breakup, now the 'strong' feeling is totally gone. This time I had no infatuation at the beginning, but all the love/infatuation/passion/caring/appreciation starts to grow.

If you don't mind me asking another question on here (I was thinking about creating a new forum, but since it's the same situation). Long distance relationships require strong trust, which I'm trying and getting better. I still have a bit of insecurity left in terms of the ex, since I'm far away, but he and his ex are in the same town and all (even though he promised me to get her out of his life completely). My question is, I will never know if he's cheating on me (since I'm now far away), but if it's true, is it possible for him to come visit me for a month without (the hypothetic) her knowing? And if he's an a-hole who just wants sex from me, why all the long distance phone calls (without sex of course)? What could he possibly gain from cheating on me while trying to be more committed? All these insecurities don't have so much ground, right? Then I should try to stop being insecure and paranoid, right?

Thank you so much!!

[Chey5782]

I think you need to seriously take a look at how committed you are to being in a serious relationship. You say you only love him sometimes? I assume that you have no interest in anyone else, but staying with him just because you think you cannot find someone better is ridiculous. You need to decide what you are okay with and what you aren't. If he sees his ex, are you OK with that to some degree, or absolutely not? If not, then you have limits. You need to stop fearing if he's going to cheat on you and have a little trust. If you don't think that's possible then you need to move on with your life. You obviously like your job and he seems to like his, or one of you would have moved closer. Age gaps and distance can be overcome with effort, but it can't be you making an effort, him saying he will, then going back to doing his own thing, or you for that matter. Having no trust and being constantly insecure and living in fear is simply no way to live your life.


Do you love him enough to trust him? Decide that first. Then go from there.

[talaniman]

Long distance relationships require strong trust, which I'm trying and getting better. I still have a bit of insecurity left in terms of the ex, since I'm far away, but he and his ex are in the same town and all (even though he promised me to get her out of his life completely).

All you have is his word, and your faith in his word. But there is always your fears, and insecurities, which are not facts, but feelings. Without facts, don't get carried away with the feelings.

My question is, I will never know if he's cheating on me (since I'm now far away), but if it's true, is it possible for him to come visit me for a month without (the hypothetic) her knowing?

I doubt that seriously, as she will know, just by him being absent.

And if he's an a-hole who just wants sex from me, why all the long distance phone calls (without sex of course)?

Think like a guy for a minute, he has the attention of an ex, which he admits is still in his life, but working on changing that(?), and he has you, his electronic potential partner. Fact- he still has feelings for his ex, who is available, and he has you, who is not.

What could he possibly gain from cheating on me while trying to be more committed?

That's so simple, he's has his needs met, and you will never know, while he explores your potentials.

All these insecurities don't have so much ground, right? Then I should try to stop being insecure and paranoid, right?

Yes you should work on your fears, and insecurities, but not to the point you stop protecting yourself.

Talaniman Rule- Never get involved with someone who is still getting over an ex! That makes you a rebound.

Especially in your case, where the distance is so great, the relationship is so new, and your expectations are so high with a stranger.

[Hathor]

I think you need to seriously take a look at how committed you are to being in a serious relationship. You say you only love him sometimes? I assume that you have no interest in anyone else, but staying with him just because you think you cannot find someone better is ridiculous. You need to decide what you are okay with and what you aren't. If he sees his ex, are you ok with that to some degree, or absolutely not? If not, then you have limits. You need to stop fearing if hes going to cheat on you and have a little trust. If you don't think that's possible then you need to move on with your life. You obviously like your job and he seems to like his, or one of you would have moved closer. Age gaps and distance can be overcome with effort, but it can't be you making an effort, him saying he will, then going back to doing his own thing, or you for that matter. Having no trust and being constantly insecure and living in fear is simply no way to live your life.


Do you love him enough to trust him? Decide that first. Then go from there.

Thanks, but I think you misunderstood me and my insecurity in some ways. First of all, I'm a very confident person (even too much sometimes in my friends' opinion), with my looks, education, work, background etc. so I definitely do not stay with my boyfriend just because I cannot find anyone better. THAT is actually ridiculous. The insecurity is actually for the long distance relationship, which I think is more vulnerable than a normal one, not for myself.

In regards of trust, yes, I admit I have a problem (esp with the past problems). And I totally agree with you, trust comes first. But I was just trying to think in a logical way, I mean I do not trust people blindly without thinking about details... I mean, I know I'm supposed to just 'know' by the ways he talks and looks at me if he's really being loving, caring, faithful and committed... but sometimes it's not that easy, don't you think so? Like how weird behaviour makes you suspicious... like for example, we just talked 2 hours ago and he cut it short (er) to go to the dinner he was invited with some friends I don't know... I know I just have to trust him because I will never ever know the fact anyway... I was just trying to make sense out of him being more understanding and committed to me after our 'talk', I mean it doesn't make sense and I'm just driving myself crazy to suspect infidelity, right? I mean he's talking to me everyday (without sex) and he's coming over to see me, so, logically, I should trust him based on this fact, right?

To answer your question about his ex, no, I'm absolutely not OK that they stay in touch because she will try to find some ways to get back into his life (and his apartment!! She still has the key). She's been doing this for 2 years now (long before I met my bf)... she's been leaving her stuff in his apartment and coming back and leaving exactly as she wishes... I know because he told me, he had a 'talk' with her (with his best friend as a witness... and I know him too) 2 years ago to end their relationship and leave his apartment, she actually left at that time, but came back again, and left again, and came back... like a vicious circle that never ends... now that she 'left', she still left her stuff there and still possesses the key... and my boyfriend let her do all that because apparently, she's a kind-hearted person who is so unfortunate in her life (being a housekeeper and all), and she was a virgin when she met him (when she was 30), and never has anyone else since. Me, I'm a TV news anchor/uni lecturer, and absolutely not a virgin when I met him, so maybe he feels he needs to protect her feelings when I don't need protection because I'm stronger?? That's ridiculous in my opinion, and the cause of our problems in the past... but now, he never picks up her phone again, and hasn't been to the places they might bump into each other for months.

I'm not normally a jealous type, and I hate to be that kind of insecure jealous girlfriend. So do you think my demand that he cut her off completely is too demanding/controlling? I just don't trust her.

[talaniman]

It's not that I'm just lonely, I do love him from time to time. Maybe it's a different kind of love. I used to have a very strong infatuation/caring for my ex, and I was depressed for one whole year after the breakup, now the 'strong' feeling is totally gone. This time I had no infatuation at the beginning, but all the love/infatuation/passion/caring/appreciation starts to grow.

I seriously doubt you can make a reasonable judgment to your feelings, given the time, distance, and level of knowledge you have with this stranger.

You can only ask questions and fill in the blanks of what you don't know. That's not getting facts, nor is it realistic to have expectations on just "growing feelings" when he is not there.

Long distance relationship are hard for committed couples, and for strangers..? A lot harder.

I mean he's talking to me everyday (without sex) and he's coming over to see me, so, logically, I should trust him based on this fact, right?

Don't take interest for a firm commitment, and despite the words, all you have is an interest.

[Hathor]

I seriously doubt you can make a reasonable judgment to your feelings, given the time, distance, and level of knowledge you have with this stranger.

You can only ask questions and fill in the blanks of what you don't know. Thats not getting facts, nor is it realistic to have expectations on just "growing feelings" when he is not there.

Long distance relationship are hard for committed couples, and for strangers.............???? A lot harder.

We actually lived together before when I was in his country, working. Now that my working contract ended and I got a new job offer back at home, we've been apart for 3 weeks now. Yes, the relationship's less than a year, but I wouldn't say he's a stranger. I've met his friends and his parents as well. We used to work at the same place so I know everything about his job, we shared colleagues as well.

What made you say he's just a stranger? Duration? Distance? But now we're talking everyday. We know each other's life/career dreams in details.

I'm a cynical person (contrast to those girls who see the world in pink when they're in love), but I want to stop being cynical, I want to be realistic and logically optimistic. I told my boyfriend that long distance is hard and asked him if he wanted to try together, being serious and committed. He said yes, it's hard, but not too hard, and he keeps saying about how he will do his best to ask his boss for holiday to come visit me in October.

There's also a possibility that I'll get some good jobs that I like, in my field, in his country, perhaps in a year or two (the deadline for the next one is in this December and I'll definitely apply, it's my dream job anyway). I'm a career-oriented woman so there's no way I'll live there with him without a job (of my dream). As for him, he's older and it'd very much harder for him to get a good job in my country.

I'm not being disillusioned by mentioning the future, just that I don't think our relationship is doomed because we're working in different continents.

As you're an expert, is the information I'm providing you enough to say that I should be trusting him and our relationship more? That at least I can be realistically hopeful that we'll survive (for the time being)?

[Hathor]

I seriously doubt you can make a reasonable judgment to your feelings, given the time, distance, and level of knowledge you have with this stranger.

You can only ask questions and fill in the blanks of what you don't know. Thats not getting facts, nor is it realistic to have expectations on just "growing feelings" when he is not there.

Long distance relationship are hard for committed couples, and for strangers.............???? A lot harder.


Don't take interest for a firm commitment, and despite the words, all you have is an interest.

I would really appreciate your answer to my question as to why you thought my boyfriend is just a stranger to me. Is it just because of the duration? Are all 6 month-old bf/gf's just strangers?

My previous post wasn't meant to fight/resist your good advice, if that's the reason you're not answering. I really appreciate your insight. It's just that I really want to find the right balance to my relationship. I want to be neither blindly hopeful nor depressingly cynical. I just want to be realistic.

Thank you

[Chey5782]

It's just that I really want to find the right balance to my relationship. I want to be neither blindly hopeful nor depressingly cynical. I just want to be realistic.

That's a good place to aspire toward. I still suggest you get there through trust. You said you have trust issues, work on that first. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time.

[talaniman]

Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner, But I have a question, after rereading your post. Why? Why do you think there is a chance this will work? Why do you want it to work?

You can't spend a lot of time together, so do you talk often? Where do you see this going? After the holidays(?) and late summer meeting, then what more distance? When will the distance stop, and you can build something face to face? Before you answer, please check out this site.

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Sorry, did I say a question?? LOL!