[Why Am I Here]

Stuck!. That's how I feel. Life story made in to short story: I got pregnant as a teen, I'm 22 now, I'm still with the baby's father, we don't live together because I'm in college which my parents are funding and my mom watch's my child and that's what's convenient. Plus, I don't want to take care of "two" children (so to speak) if he were to live with me or me with him.

So here's the thing, the relationship has been pretty rocky and at one point got physical. I'm not sure if I want to leave, I just know I want better and right now he's not giving that to me. I haven't actually taken the initiative to end the relationship because I'm afraid no one else will want me. In school where it would seem to be easy to meet guys especially in my field where classes are predominantly men, I have been unlucky. All of my friends and study partners are and have been in relationships for 3+ years, about to be engaged, engaged, or already married. I just need to know there is some hope out there if I do finally choose to leave... and for good... I want to know that there are men out there that don't mind a women with a child from another man. I want to know what it takes to be strong not to go back if I leave. How to stand my ground. Also, what the best negotiation for splitting the custody arrangements because I'm obviously not in a position to pay for going to court and all that business. PLEASE HELP!!

[N0help4u]

Never stay because it is convenient. There is a song what will you do if you are with someone when the right one comes along.
Yes guys go for girls with kids. Just check the girls sitting in family court they all have new guys.
You need to get a court order for custody. Not sure if it would be better for you to file or leave it up to if and when he wants to do it.

[Romefalls19]

I'm not quite sure what you're grasping at but if your question is do guys go for girls with kids. Yes, I am proof of that as I am currently dating a terrific girl that has 2 kids.

[smokedetector]

My mom married twice after she already had kids. Don't settle. It's like going to the convenience store and getting peanut butter M&Ms because you don't know if you can find reeces (what you really want) at the convenience store down the road. You control (for the most part) what you get. If you keep looking, you most likely will find what you want. Don't settle because you're afraid no one will be there later. There are men all over the place, that you haven't met yet, that would LOVE to be with you, kids and all, but that wouldn't give you a second look if you were with someone else. Don't sell yourself short.

And I'm assuming you meant physical as in hitting rather than as in sex, and if that is the situation, I even more emphatically urge you to bail. Talk to an attorney (I think there are ones for people who can't actually afford them) and see what you can do about custody. Courts are looking that you take care of your kid. They aren't going to take the child away from you if you are not putting him/her in a bad situation, and by going to school and living with your mom, you are trying to make a better situation, and as long as you can feed and clothe the baby, and aren't an unfit mother, they won't take the baby away from you. If the father has gotten abusive to you or the baby, you need a restraining order. Depending on the nature of it, the courts could give anything from 50/50 to supervised visitation, etc. Best of luck.

[Why Am I Here]

[QUOTE=N0help4u]Never stay because it is convenient. QUOTE]

I'm not staying with him for the convenience, I'm staying with my parents for the convenience and all the support they give me. My mom watches my child while I go to school, and my father pays for my school. I'm trying to better myself to take care of my responsibilties something of which the father seems to have no intention of doing.

[Why Am I Here]

If you keep looking, you most likely will find what you want. Don't settle because you're afraid no one will be there later. There are men all over the place, that you haven't met yet, that would LOVE to be with you, kids and all, but that wouldn't give you a second look if you were with someone else. Don't sell yourself short.

I guess I haven't been looking hard enough. I would really love to have another student be the man in my life. But as I said everyone I have met is with someone else.

The father of my child really isn't a bad person and our personalities mix really well. He's just not doing anything with his life and not even attempting to do something better for himself and I don't want to be the person to support his habits (partying all hours of the night and what not). I don't want to be the person that's always picking him up from his falls because he's ALWAYS making the wrong choices. I also don't want to be the person that's going to make him change... I want him to change because he wants to be a better person for his child and for me. Or else I want someone to love him for his faults just the way he is so that I can find the man that will take care of me the way I like to be taken care of, not financially, just emotionally and physically(as in affectionate).

[N0help4u]

You can be together and make it clear you will not contribute to his lifestyle.
If you got married you could include a prenuptial.
You should either break up now and maybe be without a boyfriend it would be fair to him if you don't want to be with him. I am sure he would want to get on with his life as well.
Or if you think he is worth working things out with work on the relationship while you are still in school
As I said what are you going to do if you settle for him and are not happy and get deeper into a relationship. Then you get out of school, get your career and get settled and meet someone and you are with him. I think it is always better to break up with someone because the relationship is not working NOT in order to be with someone else.

[Why Am I Here]

I think it is always better to break up with someone because the relationship is not working NOT in order to be with someone else.

That's so right! I know that is the case and should never be with anyone because I have no one else but I have not been alone since I was allowed to date and it's scary. If I made the choice I'd just have to SUCK IT UP and move on scared or not. It would be nice to experience single life... I just had a bad perspective of it when my bro was single because he was SOOOO miserable.

Thank you! I love the way you put that.

[N0help4u]

Being on your own can be a good feeling once you get use to it.
You feel a sense of independence, peace @ not having to deal with you want something and he doesn't want you to have it or do it, making decisions without having to compromise them and things like that. Like say you break up and are out of school, you are free to move to the city, suburbs, country, another state and don't have to worry about he will only live in the suburbs. It isn't so much about being selfish but that if you two are not compatible you can run into many issues like that. Where if you graduate and are free you have a fresh start.
Work things out if it is possible but if not don't settle for less just to have someone.

[ylaira]

"I haven't actually taken the initiative to end the relationship because I'm afraid no one else will want me."

U can't find urself in better situation if u prefer to be stucked. We all hope here that u wont write here again at 30 still having the same problem

[Romefalls19]

If you're looking for love, it eludes you. There are tons of other places you can meet other guys, don't settle looking for a student. Why put a limit on your options? I met my girlfriend at my old part time job. Her ex had just went to rehab and I just got out of a 2 and a half year relationship. Neither one of us were looking for anything, we just got along and one night I put my number in her phone and she gave me hers. We talked for 4 months before making it official. We were "Exclusive" but knew we didn't want to rush things. Now I knew when we first started talking she had 2 kids. This had NO effect on me either, their father is also not a great one. So I am helping her out with her 2 girls, who are amazing! And also helping her with legal matters and other such things. Point is, don't worry about finding the right guy right now, he will find you. Don't be so caught up with the fact you have a kid because chances are, you will be so worried and nervous about the kid and the guy won't. You'll end up making a bigger issue than he will. Just don't introduce the guy to your kid right away.

[talaniman]

Wow, I can see your overlooking the obvious here, you have some great things going in your life that you should be proud of, not least of which is your decision to leave this fellow, and better yourself.

I think if you focus on you your child, your studies and both your futures, things will eventually happen that will make you happy.

Read this forum, and you will see that most of the couples of 3 years and more, are actually breaking up, so don't be in despair over lack of companionship. Make friends first, through activities, and clubs, and let the romance deal with itself, and turn your full attention to having fun, and making yourself happy.

Just take your time to adjust and heal, and put something's behind you. This fellow as a father would best be dealt with in court for sure, and has a lot of growing to do, so you are well to just concentrate on what's important, and make sure you thank your parents for their support.

You can't do everything at once, so do what you can, when you can, and it will work out for you. You can't rush ahead, and hope it works, you have to work on it.

You have a great start and can build on it, so I wish you all the luck.

[ANB428]

Don't feel alone. I left my daughter's father as soon as I had her because he was abusive. I never thought that I would find someone else who would want me. I was a single mother with a kid. My aunt told me that now adays everyone who is young has a kid. So, don't think that just because you are a single mom you can't find anyone. I did and now I am pregnant with his kid and he has accepted mine as his own. So, you can do it. It will be hard, but possible. There are many other men out there besides the ones at your college. A lot of guys like the fact that a woman is responsible and can take care of their own. Before I got with my current boyfriend I had guys calling me left and right, I still have them calling me and I am pregnant again!! You deserve better, so go out and find yourself someone better! Good luck!

[maje3]

You deserve the best and if he is not giving it to you you are better off by yourself right now. If you stop looking your prince charming will find you. Concentrate on your future and your child and love will come when you least expect it. Don't settle for less because you will just be unhappy. You legally have custody of you child, if he wants visitation let him have it at a convenience that works for both of you. There a plenty of men out there that will love you and your child. Just wait for him.