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badatdatingguy · Mar 17, 2009, 10:10 PM

I had a fantastic girlfriend back when I was 26 and she was 20. We dated for almost three years. Then I was in graduate school and so was she. I began to think that she was self-centered and getting too clingy, so I started to distance myself from her. She broke up with me.

During the next three years, I know she had at least one long-term boyfriend. Now that's over. I think they broke up about 3-4 months ago, possibly longer.

Recently I have been having many feelings about her. We've maintained our friendship, and even went out a couple of times as friends. But recently all I can think about is getting her back. I called her up and asked if we could go out to "catch up" and she agreed.

I wrote her a letter telling her that I want to get back together with her, and tellng her everything that I miss about her. I never sent this letter to her, but I wrote it to envoke all the memories of us dating, and to explain how I've grown in our time apart.

I was thinking about reading this letter to her when we go out this weekend, but I don't know if that is the best course of action.

Any suggestions on how I should approach this?

nikosmom · Mar 17, 2009, 10:21 PM

Since you've maintained a friendship you have a chance atg etting her back, although it may take a while for her to trust you again [with her feelings].

From your contact over the years, she should be able to see the growth. How long exactly did she date the other guy; was it the whole time you were apart? That may be a determining factor as to whether she's ready to be in another relationship just yet. She must think a lot of you to be willing to "catch up" so it's not a complete long shot.

Talk to her and find out where she is on relationships in general (is she over her last break-up?). I'd build up the friendship a little more so that she can get more comfortable with getting back together with you. Talk to her about your feelings when the time comes and put everything on the table. It will be hard but work on the friendship first and make sure that's solid before you try to move back to dating status. Give her a little time to warm up to the idea. And accept that she may not be willing to go back down that road again. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.