[trdboy]

My Fiancé Broke up with me after 14years, I have 2 kids with her

Hello all..

Ive been reading through many experiences from other peoples personal problems and Im glad I've found a site like this to gain some advice and maybe confidence to help me get through my break up.

After 14 years (met when we were 16years old during high school), my fiancé (Since August 2008) broke it off with me for all the reasons I now know why.. We have two beautiful daughters, 11 and 3 years old both ours. Its waken me up and given me a kick up the backside.

I am from Sydney, Australia. We were supposed to get married in Ochos Rios Jamaica this April along with our trip to the USA which is still all go where my eldest daughter will be performing at Walt Disney World with her Dance school. We leave to the U.S on the 4th April, a few weeks to go where I will be again close to the woman I love. Given the situation, I will try my best to put things aside and focus enjoying time with my kids with their mother during the whole trip for 3 weeks.



Here are the reasons she broke it off after 14years:

>1st Priority family, which I have not done. All my focus has been on my car, I'm a car enthusiast and I love modifying cars. I haven't been around much for the kids.
>2nd Being that true father figure, to live under the same roof with each other, kids and mrs coming home to their father, we both live apart. I live at home and she lives with her mum. She stays at her mums because the kids go to school near by and her mum takes care of our kids whilst we are at work.
>3rd Her father passing away last year in April '08, her expectations were for me to step into place and fill his role, that he gave to her, his guidance and help
Whenever she was in doubt.
>4th Buying house - We could not buy property due to this USA trip, as the Australian dollar is falling, so it would nearly cost double.
>5th Wedding, she had to leave 1 week earlier than us, so we could not go ahead with a wedding in the USA or Jamaica.

She broke it off last Sunday 08th March, it is Friday 13th 2pm here and I have not spoken to her since. I really want to fix things up, change for the best and win her back.

Im not sure if she still wants that. I don't want to ask.
Prior to the break up, a week ago I noticed she was stressed and in angry moods. She asked me to give her some space, I was in doubt during this time so I called, text, emailed nearly everyday and also popped by to see the kids as they live with her. She was even more angry and did this, so I organised a bunch of Gerberas and chocolates to be sent to her work last Friday 6th March to apologise and show that Im thinking of her. Never heard a word of thanks, nothing at all until the Sunday I came around and asked her what's going on and what's happening between us.

She gave me the answer in full points as listed above why and I now realise, my fault it is over. She let me go. :(:(

Right now I'm so not motivated to do anything, eat, sleep and think.

Ive been really depressed, Ive got counselling sessions for myself to help me get out of this depressive mood every Saturday morning at 8am. 11 sessions to go, I'm on a mental health plan.
Im just devastated.

Don't know what to do? Should I call her? She will let me take the kids for the weekend but won't let me see her. Should I give her some space and this time really give her space?
I know I will need to work on my list of things to fix and change, I will be selling my car also to take focus of that and more on the family.

Im so tempted to see and speak to her in person, I miss her and don't want to lose her for good.

Thanks in advance.

-Chester

[JoeCanada76]

Sounds like she is putting all the blame on you? Did this all of a sudden come out of the blue?
Maybe there is another person in the picture, which is a possibility? All these years and you have not really been together as a couple? That would be a huge issue there.

Do not put all the blame on yourself, but she asked for space and then you kind of smother her... I know your just trying to show her that you want to work it out but it does not sound like she even wants to try, WHICH IS HER NOT YOU.

Do your best to still remain in your children's life that is your RIGHT as a father.

[trdboy]

Sounds like she is putting all the blame on you? Did this all of a sudden come out of the blue?
Maybe there is another person in the picture, which is a possibility? All these years and you have not really been together as a couple? That would be a huge issue there.

Do not put all the blame on yourself, but she asked for space and then you kind of smother her... I know your just trying to show her that you want to work it out but it does not sound like she even wants to try, WHICH IS HER NOT YOU.

Do your best to still remain in your children's life that is your RIGHT as a father.

Thank you.

She has been mentioning the above list to me for about a year now and I have not done anything about it.

She's promised and sweared on our kids that there is definitely no one else and that it is only for the above reasons, which I have not changed. Im willing to move in together, or find a place so they can move in with me but that's too late.
Even though we live apart, we were very close to each other, I would everyday after work see her and the kids, weekends they would stay at my place.

She still keeps my engagement ring and photos of us remain all over her room.

I guess I need to grow up and change.

[liz28]

It is good that you recognize your short coming and is owning up to it but I don't truly think that after 14 years she just up and left behind those reasons alone. Then again maybe she did.

It's good that she isn't stopping you from your kids but you stated she was stressed. Do you think she was getting cold feet or upset because the changes to the trip wasn't made like she wanted it to? Is this her behavior to just shut down on you?

[talaniman]

I guess I need to grow up and change.

Put some action behind your words.

[Romefalls19]

Actions will always speak louder than words, and sounds like you have a lot of ill actions to make up for.