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blondebaby6745 · Feb 10, 2009, 04:14 PM

Okay so I've known this guy for like 4 years now, I'm 17 and he just turned 20. When we first met our feelings for each other were obvious to everyone but we never officially dated because our parents didn't like each other. He started dating one of my friends which was cool, I had no problem with it. We were still friends but me his girl friend no longer got along. After he dated her for 2 years they finally broke up but then he went straight into the army. He went to basic training in Feb. and came back a month later. We became really close again talking to each other all the time, we are each others best friends. He got stationed in Texas and we are from Florida so its pretty far, but we still talked all the time and only became closer. Since we were never officially dating he always had little flings with girls he met nothing ever serious. Whenever he comes home and we see each other its like no one else matters. Our relationship only seems to get stronger and we love each other, we tell each other all the time. However at the end of Sept. he met this girl, who he never knew before this time, and they went on a couple dates when he came home for a long weekend. They dated for about 2 months and all during this time he was still talking to me saying how much he loves me and wants to be with me. Then at the end of Nov. they got engaged. He has a sexual relationship with her, like he did with the other girls and he claims he loves her. But I wonder if he really loves her or if it's the physical relationship that he loves. Its now Feb. and my relationship with him is still going strong and gets stronger every day. He always tells me he loves me and wishes he could fly me to Texas to see him. I don't know what to do. I am in love with him and he says he's in love with me but why is he still with her? She doesn't even know that he talks to me she thinks he has cut off all of his female friends completely now that they are engaged. What do I do?

N0help4u · Feb 10, 2009, 04:25 PM

AYou drop him before you end up totally hurt.
You keep with him like you are and they get married and you are left being the other girl and being lied to. IF he really LOVES you he you would not be the girl on the side. You would be the one he was engaged to.
Don't allow yourself to be set up for this pain.

Alty · Feb 10, 2009, 04:25 PM

He's engaged to someone else and is trying to keep you on the side, just in case. The only person who's benefitting from this is him.

Why do you want to be second choice? He asked someone else to marry him, obviously he's chosen her over you, so why let him have his cake and eat it too?

So, are you going to keep making yourself available to a man that has proven that he has no problem cheating on the women he claims to love, or are you going to find someone who can give you himself free and clear?

The choice is yours.

benny22xx · Feb 10, 2009, 04:27 PM

Well first of all you got to ask yourself... is a guy who is constantly doing things with other girls worth your time? If yes then you got to really just find out whether he really loves you. Let me tell you as a guy, we are willing to say anything when it comes to females. And I mean anything. It sounds to me like you have a great love for this guy and if he is not returning that feeling sincerely I would say dump him. Because if he felt the same he would be with u and only u and not be fooling around with nobody. That is real love.

Alty · Feb 10, 2009, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by benny22xx

Well first of all you got to ask yourself...is a guy who is constantly doing things with other girls worth your time? if yes then you got to really just find out whether or not he really loves you. Let me tell you as a guy, we are willing to say anything when it comes to females. and I mean anything. It sounds to me like you have a great love for this guy and if he is not returning that feeling sincerely I would say dump him. Because if he felt the same he would be with u and only u and not be fooling around with nobody. That is real love.

Dump him? She's not with him, he's engaged to someone else. He's not fooling around on her, he's fooling around on his future wife.

It's really time to move on, or remain a doormat, whichever.

Alty · Feb 10, 2009, 08:24 PM

And it gets better and better.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ip-315867.html

jjwoodhull · Feb 10, 2009, 08:37 PM

After reading both your posts... wow! You need to let go of this guy now. You are not his girlfriend. He is using you because you give him attention.

You need to be with a guy that is with you and only you. You deserve no less than that.

bassoon224 · Feb 10, 2009, 08:49 PM

Clearly, you really love this guy. Just ask yourself, if he loves you so much, why doesn't he leave his fiancé? Also, even if they did break-up, would you really want to be with him knowing that he might leave you just like he left her? Personally, if I were in your situation and asked myself those questions, I'd get away from him. He might seem like a perfectly great guy but great guys don't involve themselves in multiple relationships at once.

liz28 · Feb 12, 2009, 08:56 PM

How is the so called relationship you have with him is growing stronger everyday when he is engage to someone else. You need to get out of lala land and live in reality.

He's using you and you is allowing it by living on false hope. The wake up and smell the coffee comes to mind.

Stop questioning his love for his fiancée because to be honesty he's playing the two of you and if this is love, I wouldn't want it. Of course he's going feed you everything nice and sweet but if he had loved you in the first place he would've never got involved with her and would be with you.

Your young so you might not know any better but your heading to an dead end because you have your love misplace and morals lost in translation. Leave him alone and never mess with someone that is taken because in the end your setting your ownself up for heartache and an emotional rollercoaster.

I feel sorry for his fiancé and hopefully she sees the true him before they make that big leap.

talaniman · Feb 13, 2009, 09:20 AM

You have built up quit a fantasy world for yourself based on a lie that a cheater is telling you. Wake up, and see this lying cheater for what he is, and stop listening to his BS!

He plays you like a fiddle, because you let him. Stop it!!

altoids · Feb 13, 2009, 03:06 PM

Run... run fast... if he claims to love you than no one would get in the way he wouldn't stay engaged... he's not going to leave her for you it just won't happen don't build hope on that..

artlady · Feb 13, 2009, 03:18 PM

You stated*Its now Feb. and my relationship with him is still going strong *
Honey,you are deluding yourself,you don't have a relationship with him
He may want to keep you handy for when he comes home but that is just to string you along so he has something to amuse himself with when he comes home.
He is a selfish using jerk and you do not deserve to be used that way.
Everyone here has advised you what to do.
Honor yourself and accept nothing else from any man!

Alty · Feb 13, 2009, 03:25 PM

I think this is a lost cause.

Blondebaby, if you want to learn this the hard way then we can't stand in your way, but, have you ever thought that we're giving the advice we're giving because we've lived through crap like this?

He wants sex, that's all, and once he gets it he'll come back once in a while when he's got no one better to do, but you'll never be the only one.

It sucks, it hurts but it doesn't have to scar.

Walk away, find someone else, this guy's a user and a loser.