[bootyfull]

I have been with my fiancé for almost 5 years, we have been through alot; regular normal arguments, me getting pregnant at 18 (our daughter is now 2), him almost dying because he fell off a scaffaling(sp?) on his head, and him having major drug problems with pain pills, oxycotins, and snorting heroine-for 8 months he was able to hide it from me (this was over a year ago) we are so close to each other and so comfortable around one another we can do anything in front of another and not be embarrassed and so on... he has always had a weak stomach, and major headheaches and since we have been together always always slept a lot! He does heating and cooling works for his dad and busts his butt because he is the main man out on the jobs. So it was hard not to see it, when he told me it tore me apart... I didn't know what to do. I love him so much and our daughter was just almost 8 months old at the time, and I stayed with him it hurt but I did because I love him so much... and I wanted to be there for him because I know he needed me the most at that time. He has been slowly building the trust back up because it takes time after that to get trust back it doesn't just pop back up the next day... and recently he hasn't been honest with me about some things I have been finding out. It is so hard to believe what he is saying, he knows I always find things out so I don't know why he hasn't learned to just be honest with me... especially for what he has done in the past. He says he doesn't tell me because he knows how I am going to react. I simply told him that he doesn't know until he actually talks to me and gives me a chance to react... that he always assumes that I am going to freak out and get mad. He tells me I am the type that always likes to control everything, I like to know what is always going on is how I think... b/c when he has money he spends it all, no matter what it is on coffee food, whatever he likes having money but he spends it... and he gets mad because he gets an allowance of 30 dollars every week because I make his lunches and if he wants more food he can get it and he smokes black and milds so he can pay for those... he doesn't really help around the house everynow and then he does but I pretty much do the laundry, dishes, cook, trash, clean, and take care of our daughter he does help with her a lot but that is about it, I work at an office job for his parents company and I waitress, I also own my own landscaping job which haven't been doing lots of that since the winter but I pretty much have three jobs. He says that I am so uptight about everything and so stressed out all the time. I explained to him that I wouldn't be so stressed out all the time if he helped out more around the house, I know he works hard and is prob. More tired then me at the end of the day but I still work hard too! He knows he should help but doesn't... and we also haven't been having sex that much either in the last month... and told him that if we did make love more often it would also prob. Relieve some of the stress. He told me that if I wasn't on his all the time about things that he would prob want to make love to me more, another reason why he doesn't is because he gets upset that he very rarely can give me an orgasm so that also bothers him... I told him it can only get better if we expieriment more and do it more often... I told him that when he does make love to me more often and tells me how beautiful I am it helps me with my confidence level too! I have always had a prob. With myself confidence everybody tells me I shouldn't because I am beautiful very intellegent and sweetheart... but since I have had my daughter I weigh more then before and still have about 30 lbs to loose until I am my normal size again, and so sometimes myself confidence isn't always the best and he says that irritates him because I should know how much he loves me and it does't matter what I look like he still will love me... and I know that but I still am the way I am. I know he would never cheat on me that is not a problem at all... But it all boils down to he says I act more of a mother to him then a spouse, I just simply said if he acted more like an adult instead of a kid and took on responsibilities that maybe that would change, I don't try to act like that I guess it is just how things come about... and the whole trust issue. I just found percocets and oxycottens he says he is seling so he can have money... he knows that I didn't want him to or to even have them in his possession because of the past he is still on suboxen which is an opiate blocker so if he was to do anything he would get really sick and wouldn't get a high off it... but its just the fact that he said he was going to tell me and I had to find out for myself... and we just had a huge argument about him being honest with me again, and he said he was and I told him he wasn't because what I knew and he said he thinks our relationship will never be the same... I said I didn't think that was true I just need him to be honest with me and not hide anything and that could build trust back up. He thinks that I should leave him because of all the pain he has caused me in the past and doesn't think I deserve it, I don't know what to do... we have put so much time and effort into us and I don't know what to do... I just want him to be honest to me. Please help me sorry it was so long just wanted to explain it so I could get better feedback on the whole situation. Thank you so so much!

[411Help]

Honesty and trust are the two strong foundations of a healthy relationship. You two are missing both of them. You need to make it clear to him that if he's going to continue to lie and deceive you, you WILL not put up with it. Make it clear to him that it's important to you that you're able to trust him.

Tell him: "Either you start telling me the truth, or you can continue lying with someone else."

Remember, say what you mean, and mean what you say, or it's useless.

[talaniman]

Sorry dear, unless you can learn to work better together through honest communications, you will never solve your issues that you both seem to have. I see you both to blame, by what you have written.