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CaptainRich · May 30, 2007, 06:25 PM

Too tough?

I've had a relationship outside my marriage of twenty-eight years...

My excuse? My wife is hospitalized with terminal cancer. She won't be coming home. Ever. She knows that and I know that.

While sitting in a small room at the hospital, after my wife had gone through several months of injections and therapy, both radiation and chemo, I found myself crying in what I now know was selfpity, there was another person who was hurting, as well. Our mutual situation led to our relationship. I will not say this situation was any excuse, or even justified what I allowed to happen, but it happened.

We comforted each other but we both knew it was not appropriate. I'm not proud of any of this.

But I don't judge people like some people need judged.
Be kinder than is neccasary because everyone has some kind of battle (quote: unknown). I'll never say what's going on happened to her... It has happened to both of us.

diya · May 30, 2007, 06:40 PM

It happens OK... Lot of times, life lands us in situations which are hard to explain, however at this point, your wife needs you more than anyone else in the world. She is a dying and departing soul and all you can give to her is the feeling that you love her... try to be with her... we humans can be very selfish at times... u are thinking of your grief, but death is staring at your wife.. can u imagine what she must be going through? Complete remorse and darkness... harsh reality... my friend, pause for awhile, put all your aspirations(not saying leave them) on the back burner... and be with her who has stayed with you for the past so many years and going forever. Later when she's gone, your life is entirely yours... then have this friend by your side if you wish to... but for now, look into your wife's eyes and tell her how much you love her and how much she will be missed... these words will be like music to her ears... you can't imagine the depth of happiness she will feel with these magical words...

CaptainRich · May 30, 2007, 07:01 PM

diya,
I've put all my efforts into making this a better world for her. I'll tell you how she doesn't deserve what's happening. If you ask anyone who knows her now, they'll tell you what I've said for years: "She didn't deserve this!" I've met a lot of people in my nearly fifty years above ground, and I'll tell you, she is the best person I've ever met!

Skell · May 30, 2007, 07:02 PM

It has taken you a lot of courage Rich to stand and say (ok, sit and type) what you just have. I'm sure no one here will judge you or scold you.

Many will offer there point of view and some of them you may not agree with. That is something you will have to accept for bringing this to a public forum.

I'm not sure if I have any words or thoughts on the matter. I certainly feel for your situation and have sympathy for why you have done what you have done.

I don't know what to say to make you feel better or to advise you what your best solution is. I just think that the most important thing is showing respect to your dying wife. Help her through this last stage in her life in a way that you will be proud of.

Once again I'm sorry for your situation and wish I could offer more.

Skell · May 30, 2007, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by CaptainRich

diya,
I've put all my efforts into making this a better world for her. I'll tell you how she doesn't deserve what's happening. If you ask anyone who knows her now, they'll tell you what I've said for years: "She didn't deserve this!" I've met a lot of people in my nearly fifty years above ground, and I'll tell you, she is the best person I've ever met!!

And I'm sure you have expressed this to her. And continue to do so. Tell her every day. And in return be the BEST person you can for her. She can ask nothing more of you than that!

mckenzie134 · May 30, 2007, 07:29 PM

Sorry for your situation and your wife really needs your support and needs to hear your love right now.

I will say though...

She is the BEST person you have ever met and you say you love her.In fifty years above ground you should have learnt one thing if you feel love and truly do you would not have gone with this other woman!!

YOU SAY MY EXCUSE?? THERE IS NO EXCUSES only weakness... To GOD do us part!!

Your wife is terminally ill this is a time to understand how much she has meant to you over the years, not selfpity...

I understand you may be feeling down and she won't be coming home. There's more to love than that. In a time when she neded you most you put yourself first. I believe you have done plenty for her but in true love in moments like this you need to think of the one you love not yourself...

I don't like at all what you have done but you will live with it. If you were in her position I wonder how you would feel about her doing the same to you..?

I mst say though you have been there for 28 years and that is probably a lot more than most people spend together!! So don't get to down on yourself for this moment, you have put in a great life with her and everyone deserves chances in life and maybethisone was yours. You realise what yourve done and the reasons you may have done it. Keep the love alive a long marriage and you stuck it out well done!!

CaptainRich · May 31, 2007, 07:38 PM

Sorry, mackenzie164. I wasn't looking to make excuses. I even gone so far as to tell her... ( that was perhaps the most difficult thing I've ever done in my whole life ) However, the guilt I'm suppressing hasn't left ( it won't die until I do ) but she said she understands and forgives me.
And, yes, I feel as you tried to say, "...untill death does us part."
I'm keeping the faith. Judge not...